It's not so much that he was taking a vacation. More that he was bored, and this seemed the thing to do until his next great inspiration struck him. He supposed it was relaxing, in a way. At least, he supposed it was supposed to be, since so many of those humans thought it to be the perfect vacation.Not that they would understand it, as it really was. The human mind was simply incapable of conceiving the reality of the situation. The closest any of those inferior sacks of flesh would ever understand would be the vision of a man relaxing on a sunny beach, comfortably reclined in a beach chair. There would be an umbrella shading him, and a cool mixed beverage of questionable origin in his hand.
Of course, this beach was in the middle of nowhere. Someplace that most beings in the multiverse didn't know existed, even some of the higher life forms. In fact, it was nowhere. It wasn't there. It was nothing. Which is why he enjoyed it so, as far as places to think went. He had never even seen his contemporaries there, which is why it seemed the perfect place to sit back and contemplate his next.....
"Q. The time has come."
Well. That settles that, then. But why did it have to be her, of all the beings? Talk about boring people....she didn't even take the time to dress for the occasion! It was, after all, a beach; would a bikini be too much to ask?
"My, my, Oma Desala. Imagine finding you here. I didn't think you Ascended beings even knew about this place."
"Most don't. It is but a void outside of our own universe, and as such immaterial to Ascended Atlanteans. I, however, have watched it for some time, to know you better."
"My dear, I'm flattered. All that attention, just for moi?"
"Not flattery. Self preservation. However, that is not my cause for being here."
"Then, my dear, by all means, feel free to....enlighten me."
"I have come to call the debt for which you owe me."
"Really? And why, pray tell, do you think I owe you anything? Why, with the slightest thought from me, and...."
"And nothing. You know as well as I that you can not harm an Ascended being, the Q would never allow you to break our pledge of non-aggression. The loss was too great for both our peoples last time that happened. Your own friends would be forced to prevent that, for even from here they would know what you have done. As would the Ascended....and the Ori."
Damn. Almost forgot about them. "Haven't you done anything about them yet?"
"We cannot. You know our rules. Their time of reckoning approaches, but I will not be here for that. However, the humans which will solve that problem are the reason I am here."
"Ah, the plot thickens." Q took a slow, contemplative drink of his cocktail. "Now, just to be sure, let me make sure I've got this straight: You want me to help the humans of your universe to defeat a being of your making, since your fellow Boring Ones won't interfere in the dealings of the Lower Beings. Have I got that right?"
"Indeed. As distasteful as it may be, my former student Anubis now threatens them, and they can not defeat him alone. You, however, can assist them where I cannot."
"Well, fine and dandy for them and for you! Why should I? More importantly, what do I get out of it? Sadly, I am not in need of any of your particular brand of enlightenment." Of course, being omnipotent and all, Q already knew the answer to that question. Still, one must keep up appearances.
"Then your debt to me will be no more. And more, my continued silence in regards to the matter of...."
"All right, all right, you've made your point. No need to dig up that old mess again! Besides, someone may be listening. You never know, and some things should NEVER be talked about."
"Then will you help?"
Sigh. "Very well. But they must never know....and to the other Q, it must not appear to be interference in your universe. This must be handled with great care....but who to send?"
The possibilities were endless. The Borg would make fast work of the problem....but then they would make fast work of everything else, too. A few Jem’Hadar? No, same problem, but messier.
Ah ha! Jean-Luc....but no, this was not his style. Oh, sure, save the universe, again, and not even your own dimension this time! But no, he just didn't seem right for this job. Pity....the look on old Baldy's face would have been MORE than worth it...
Of course! The perfect choice! And even easier to accomplish, too, considering where they were at this moment.
"Oompa Loompa, my dear, consider it done. I shall be sending help in due course, and they should be more than up to the task at hand!" "Indeed, Q. I should hope so, for your sake."
"Threats, my dear? So unlike you....and besides, as you yourself said...."
"Oh, no, Q, you misunderstand. I would not be the one to harm you. But should this fail, or should you ever refer to me as 'Oompa Loompa' again, I would then be inclined to find that attractive young Q you seem so fond of. Why, I'm sure she would be most interested to hear of your alter-ego in that other reality. What was it they called you again? Oh, yes 'The Most Impressive....' "
"Enough! Your point is made! No need for such harsh measures, my dear, you have my word, the problem is as good as dealt with, and none shall be the wiser."
"Very well. I take my leave of you now, so that you may do what must be done. Do not waste time, Q, for it is short in this matter."
"Yes, yes, on the clock, very well. Run along and let me do what I do."
And in a flash, she was gone. In that place that didn't exist, as only he could, Q sat in his chair that didn't exist, on the beach that didn't exist, and contemplated things a while longer. After all, it was not just a shift in dimensions they were talking about, but time as well, and these things simply could not be rushed. Then, with what a human would have seen as a very disturbing smile indeed, he snapped his "fingers".
"There, that should do it," he thought. Then, as an afterthought, he snapped again. And what might have seemed to be a TV to humans in the universe in question appeared in front of him. "Can't miss this show."
"Now where did that popcorn go?"