Choices

Kelno'reem continued to elude him.

Teal'c kneeled comfortably on the bed of the Tau'ri cell in which he had been housed, trying to achieve the deep healing state. He had been unable to do so since leaving Chulak. He knew it was because of this new world--the new environment he found himself in, the cloying sense of loss he could not escape, and the uncertain state of his future at this moment. His own thoughts were so unsettled he was unable to find any sort of peace.

Still, he continued to try. It would soon become a matter of life and death - if he failed to achieve Kelno'reem for much longer, he would begin to suffer the effects. He would begin to wear down, his own body unable to help itself.

A firm, decisive rap on the door startled him, making his eyes jerk open. It only took the briefest of moments to adjust to the dimness of the room. Through the small window in the door to his chamber, he could see the stern countenance of the Tau'ri commander. He appeared to be waiting for Teal'c's permission to enter. Such strange ways these Tau'ri had - seeking permission from a prisoner. Teal'c was unable to even fathom what would make these people create a protocol such as this.

Nevertheless, he would have to learn to adjust to their strange ways. "Come in."

The door opened and closed, leaving the two alone inside, away from the concerned watchfulness of the guards outside. The Tau'ri commander stared at Teal'c, who had not moved from his position on the small bed. Finally, Teal'c decided to end the awkward silence.

"GeneralHammond."

"Teal'c." GeneralHammond walked over to the small, straight chair near the bed on which Teal'c kneeled and righted it to sit down. Teal'c waited deferentially. "These accommodations are a bit sparse."

Teal'c looked around. "They are sufficient." He had everything he needed for sustenance, sleep, and meditation. He needed nothing more. He had been housed in much worse places. And that was before he was Shol'va.

"We can do better than this."

Teal'c did not bother to respond. If GeneralHammond wished to alter his circumstances, he did not need Teal'c's acquiescence or permission.

"I want you to know that we appreciate what you did yesterday."

He considered his visitor. GeneralHammond appeared to be quite sincere. Teal'c had been unsure how his behavior would be taken by the Tau'ri. Would they be grateful for his assistance in ridding the SGC of the threat of the young Goa'uld or angered by his termination of a valued warrior? "I have sworn my life to fighting the Goa'uld in all forms."

"Well, we benefited pretty well yesterday."

"I assured you that I would prove my sincerity, GeneralHammond."

"You did, indeed." GeneralHammond shifted in the wooden chair, obviously uncomfortable. "There's gonna be a service tomorrow. You're invited to attend."

"Service?"

"Sorry. A memorial service. A funeral, of sorts, for Kowalsky."

"If you would deem it appropriate, I would like to attend this 'service'. MajorKowalsky should be honored. He fought the Goa'uld admirably."

A frown marred GeneralHammond's face for the briefest of moments. "He did." Was this commander grieving for one of his warriors? Teal'c had known only one leader who would have done this. He spared a brief thought for his teacher, Bra'tac, hoping the old Jaffa was well. Teal'c would likely never see his friend again.

One of many faces he would never see again. But not by any means the most painful.

"Uhm, Teal'c, you know that Colonel O'Neill wants you to work with us."

"I do." He noted the statement was carefully phrased so as not to give away GeneralHammond's viewpoint on the matter, not to give too much information. Teal'c knew the strategy well.

"How do you feel about that?"

How many times must he assure the Tau'ri people of this? "I wish to fight the Goa'uld with the people of the Tau'ri."

"You know this is asking a lot of me. You're not exactly the most likely candidate."

"You must decide what is best for your people, GeneralHammond. Is there any way I may convince you of my loyalty?"

"I think you did that yesterday."

"That was not my intention."

"I believe that."

Once again, Teal'c was convinced this Tau'ri was sincere in his words. He was struck by his own innate trust in this GeneralHammond. The Tau'ri was clearly a natural leader, and Teal'c had come to understand his devotion to both his responsibility and his warriors. "Yet, you still doubt me."

"Honestly? A little. You're an unknown factor to me, Teal'c. I know nothing about you or your people. And you come with a hell of a resume."

"I understand your concerns." He understood enough, even if the Tau'ri's strange ways of speaking were beyond him.

"But I've got some inside information that this is a good thing. So I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt."

"I am unfamiliar with that phrase."

"It means, as soon as I can get authorization back from the President, I'm prepared to give it a try."

"Are you certain?"

"No." GeneralHammond smiled. "But Colonel O'Neill is."

"O'Neill trusts too easily."

GeneralHammond laughed in a manner that reminded Teal'c of Bra'tac. "You're the first person to ever say that about that man, I'll bet."

"He trusted me too easily after my betrayal of Apophis."

"Yes, he did. But that meant a great deal to him. I've been inquiring around about the colonel, and I assure you Jack O'Neill is not a man given to blind trust. But he is a good soldier. And a good judge of a situation. That much is certain. With that in mind, him trusting you so implicitly based on such little acquaintance says a lot more to me than even what happened yesterday. That tells me you're a man to be relied on."

Teal'c nodded, accepting the Tau'ri's words.

"So, are you interested?"

"In what?"

"In a position on SG1."

"What of the others?"

"I've talked to Captain Carter and Doctor Jackson. They're in agreement. It seems you have yourself a hell of a fan club already."

"A what?"

GeneralHammond opened his mouth as if to clarify, but stopped. "Never mind. Are you in or out?"

"I must do something first."

"What?"

"I must speak with DanielJackson before accepting."

"Why?"

How much should he reveal to his new commander? Would the information alter his decision? Then again, how could it not? "It is...personal. A matter between he and I. May I be allowed to speak with him?"

GeneralHammond's brows furrowed as he considered Teal'c. It may have been presumptuous for him to ask, but he felt he must confront this before forcing his presence on the young Tau'ri.

"Sure. You're not a prisoner, Teal'c. You may go wherever you want on this base, speak to whomever you wish."

"There remain guards outside my chamber."

"Right. I'm removing them as of right now."

"Thank you."

"Alright, then. You let me know when you're ready, son."

Teal'c was confused. "I am not your son, GeneralHammond."

"Huh? What? Oh, no, it's just a habit, a figure of speech."

"Your language is a most difficult one."

"Even when it's your first language. Don't worry about it. Have Doctor Jackson explain anything you don't understand. He'll earn his keep."

"Very well. Thank you for your assistance."

GeneralHammond nodded once and left. Teal'c listened to him give orders to the two guards outside, who promptly left their posts. Teal'c unfolded himself from the position he had maintained for several hours now. He opened the door and took a moment to recall the layout of this structure and where his destination lay. It was not difficult, even with the strange language and architecture. Teal'c had learned long ago how to commit enemy encampments to memory.

No, not enemy. No longer.

It was strange to walk the corridors of this 'SGC' alone, although he certainly did not miss the presence of his guards. The Tau'ri compound was dark and confined compared with Goa'uld architecture, which Teal'c found slightly disconcerting. It belied the nature of these people as he had come to understand them.

Occasionally, he passed other Tau'ri, who eyed him with a mixture of curiosity and concern. He had already begun to see the people of this planet were much more open with their feelings than he was used to. He had learned restraint very early in life.

Whether the concern with which the Tau'ri eyed him was anger or fear, he could not know. Perhaps more likely, both. He understood what he represented to these people. O'Neill had explained they were unaccustomed to other species, believing themselves to be alone in the universe. It was a mistake his people had made many generations ago, only to be painfully shown the truth when the gods had first begun making slaves of them.

Only when he came to a stop in front of his destination did he force his concentration back to his task. The brief respite of allowing his thoughts to wander during the journey only made this more painful.

He knocked in the manner of the Tau'ri.

"Yeah!"

Teal'c hesitated, unsure whether that was permission or a question.

The door was opened from the inside, the confused face of DanielJackson greeting him.

"Oh, hey Teal'c."

"DanielJackson." He inclined his head in the age-old gesture of respect. He would disrespect this young Tau'ri no further than he had already unwittingly done.

"Come in. How are you? You need anything?"

"I am fine."

"Good. Great, then. What's up?"

"I have come to speak with you on a matter of utmost importance."

"Okay, well, sure. Here, come in. You want to sit down?"

"I do not." Teal'c followed him inside the small, dark, disheveled room. Books and papers littered surfaces from one end to the other, some underneath varied pieces of primitive artifacts. Teal'c recognized some of them from his travels through the Chaapa'ai.

DanielJackson did choose to sit, in a well-used chair that rocked slightly as he sat in it. "Okay. What's up?"

"I must tell you something before I accept GeneralHammond's offer to join O'Neill's unit." Teal'c suddenly wished he had something more to focus on in this small room than this young warrior's face. "Your wife was the Abydonian woman, Sha're?"

The Tau'ri swallowed, looked warily at him. "Um, yeah."

Teal'c gathered himself up, calling upon the memories of all those he had harmed in his long, lamented service to the gods. This was his first step. "It was I who was responsible for choosing her to be Ammounet's host."

There was silence in the small room. Faintly, Teal'c could hear a tiny repetitive ticking noise above him and the soft brush of air being forced into the room. He did not even hear DanielJackson breathing. He remained very still, mouth slightly open, staring at Teal'c in the strangest manner. His only movement was a small writing device absently clicking in his right hand.

"I cannot sufficiently express my regret over this." Discomfited by the continued silence, Teal'c pressed on. "I can only accept working on this 'SG1' if you choose it."

"I, uh, I think you should leave."

It was hardly the reaction he had expected. Anger, defiance, violence, sadness, betrayal. These he was prepared for. But this nothingness, this empty and hollow look, this filled Teal'c with horror. "Yes," was the only response he could find.

As he hurried to comply with the request, Teal'c knew he would never, in all his lifetime, be able to forget the look on DanielJackson's face.

Jack found Teal'c, as usual, practicing some kind of yoga meditation stuff. He let himself in after a quick knock. Teal'c didn't respond to his presence.

"I think you'll be happy to know the general's called the President about you. Right to the top, huh?"

"He has told me this." Teal'c's eyes were still closed and he looked deep in concentration.

Enough of that. Let's get this show on the road.

"So, you get a uniform?"

"I have not."

"Oh, well, we'll fix that. C'mon."

"I cannot do this."

"Why, don't like our fashion statement? I'll admit, it's not exactly gray armor shaped like a giant snake, but it's not that bad."

Teal'c chose that moment to pop his eyes open. "I have not accepted this position."

"You haven't? Y'kidding? Why not? You get a better offer?"

"I have not."

"Okay, so what is it?"

"I must wait for DanielJackson's permission."

"Okay, now youarejoking."

"I do not understand."

"Why are you waiting for his permission?" Jack was starting to not like the sound of this.

"I was responsible for what his wife, Sha're, has become."

It took him a few seconds to process what Teal'c had said. "You mean, because you were the leader of those snakeheads."Please let that be the reason. Please.

"No. I mean because I chose the wife of DanielJackson as a host."

"Tell me you're kidding. This is some weird Chulak version of a joke."

"I am not."

"Shit. And you told him?"

"I did. It would have been wrong to hide this fact."

"For cryin' out loud, Teal'c. How the hell could you tell him something like that? The guy just lost his wife, just got back here, has no idea what he's supposed to do now...."

"You would have me lie to him?"

Jack felt like he had in the third grade when he got caught stealing Tommy Johnson's comics. "No, not lie. Well, not exactly. Nobody had to know."

"I knew."

"Dammit, I've got to go talk to him. Fix this." His turn toward the door was stopped by a vice-like grip on his right shoulder. He turned around to find Teal'c scowling at him. Even with almost no change in his expression, it was obvious to Jack.

"O'Neill."

"Yeah?" Jack looked pointedly at Teal'c's hand, wrapped around his shoulder. The hand dropped.

"This is his decision." There was that tone of voice again. If Jack didn't know better, he'd swear the guy sounded like he was somebody's father.

"It's my unit."

"The choice can only be made by the one who suffers."

"Hey, he's not the only one who's lost someone here."

"But his pain is the only one for which I am responsible."

How had he managed to saddle himself with two damn moralists? Hopefully, Carter wouldn't be this bad. "You always gonna have this martyr complex?"

Teal'c didn't answer the question. "His decision will be the only one I will abide by," he repeated.

The two locked eyes for a long moment. "Alright, fine. But I am not losing anyone from this team."

Jack left the room and made a quick mental calculation. There were only a few places his target would be. That would be the easy part. The hard part was figuring out a way to make this work out the way it needed to.

After a few false starts, he found Daniel on top of the mountain, sitting on the cold ground still wearing Jack's brown spare jacket. He didn't acknowledge Jack at all as he sat down beside him. Jack sat quietly for a while, watching the stars glisten in the cloudless, brisk Colorado night sky. He'd counted off ten constellations before Daniel spoke.

"You know, I'd forgotten how cold it is here." He still hadn't looked at Jack.

"Is it cold? I thought it was actually pretty warm. Must just be me, huh?" When he failed to garner a response, Jack sobered.One of these days, I've got to teach Daniel a sense of humor. "Teal'c told me."

"How am I supposed to feel about this, Jack?"

"I don't know." What the hell was he doing up here? He had no idea what he was supposed to say, to offer. He'd never been worth a nickel at this kind of stuff.

"How am I supposed to look at him and not see her? See what she became?"

"Maybe you're not. Maybe he can't either. Maybe that's why he told you."

"He's not a bad guy."

"No, he's not."

"But this - it's unforgivable."

"He was following orders. If it hadn't been her, it would have been somebody else's wife. Or mother. Or daughter. Or sister."

"I don't care!" Daniel stood up, moving several feet away from where Jack still sat. He was looking all around the small landscape - anywhere but at Jack. "I know it's selfish. But, God Jack, I wish itweresomeone else's wife." Daniel's harsh breath escaped in small puffs in the cold night air.

Sitting on the hard ground, Jack felt a deep rumble kick on. An absent part of his brain wondered if it was the Gate. "You don't mean that."

"I do." Daniel brushed a hand through his hair. "How horrible is that?"

Jack understood all too well. How many times had he wished it had been somebody else's kid?

"It's not horrible. It's natural." He watched Daniel pace back and forth a couple of times. "It wasn't personal on Teal'c's part. It was a completely random thing. He didn't do it to hurt you."

"And if he'd made that decision to turn just a day earlier, she'd be here right now."

"Don't you think he knows that? That if he'd made that decision a week or a month or a year earlier, maybe others might be here, too? Or maybe not. If it weren't Teal'c that day, it would've been someone else who made that choice, followed that order. Someone who wouldn't be here trying to help us."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Well, yeah, actually. Why else would I be out here freezin' my butt off?"

"How am I supposed to forgive him?"

Damn. Daniel was like a dog with a bone. "Maybe you aren't. Hell, I don't know. I can't tell you to forgive him. But can't you find a way to get past it enough to be around the guy?

"Like Sara could?"

"Shit. Don'tevenbring her into this. Don't you dare." Jeez, how did the guy know all of Jack's buttons so quickly?

Daniel's head whipped up to meet Jack's eyes. "I'm sorry, Jack. I just...."

Jack took a deep breath. "I know. I know how much it hurts, too. Believe me." He stood up, brushing the dirt off his pants absently. "Look, I can't tell you how to handle this. Not that I wouldn't love to. But Teal'c made it clear he's leaving this completely in your court. So, I'll tell you what I'd like. I'd like SG1 to have you and Teal'c both. I don't want to have to choose one or the other. We need Teal'c. And, as much as I think I'm gonna regret this, it's been made perfectly clear so far we also need you. And you both need us. So I'd like you to talk to him, find a way to do what's best for Earth. And for Sha're."

Daniel was staring out beyond the mountain at the lights of the Springs again. He didn't respond. He didn't need to--Jack knew. He knew Daniel would make the right choice. As much as Daniel had known on Abydos when he'd called Jack on his desire to die.

Jack turned and left as silently as he had come.

Daniel knocked once on the door. Almost immediately, an answering 'come in' drifted out. With one quick breath, he opened it and went inside.

The room was almost dark, the only light from the small window in the door. Teal'c was seated in a kneeling position on the bunk, hands on his knees, dressed in the same ubiquitous olive green jumpsuit Daniel had been given.

On seeing him, Teal'c unfolded himself and stood up. Inclined his head just a bit. "DanielJackson."

Not quite sure what he wanted to say, Daniel busied himself by looking around. "Not much of a room, huh? Air Force sure knows how to make a man feel welcome."

"It is sufficient."

"Uhm, I didn't mean to disturb you."

"You have not."

"You were, what? Meditating?" Distraction by small talk was one of Daniel's specialties.

"I was. It is required for the optimum health of the symbiote."

The Goa'uld. Daniel tried not to look down at Teal'c's stomach, not wanting any reminders. He was afraid if he looked down there, he'd see it--wriggling, writhing, squirming. "I see. That why it's dark?"

"I would normally use candles or small torches, but none were available."

"Oh. Well, I'm sure we can do something about that. This is obviously important to you."

"It is a ritual of my people I have practiced since I was a child."

"Of course. I understand. We, uh, we have cultures that practice meditation as part of daily life or religious practice. There are many forms. Some involve mantras or chanting or, uh, focused...." He stopped himself from babbling any further. He was procrastinating. "I came to talk to you, Teal'c."

Teal'c just inclined his head again.

"I can't just pretend it doesn't matter."

"I understand."

"'Cuz it does."

"I understand."

"And it's not like it's gonna be better overnight."

"I understand."

"Tell me something. Will you help me get her back?"

"I will pledge myself to this task."

Daniel considered him. He'd known Teal'c, what - three days? They knew nothing about him. The only thing they had to go on was one moment in the dungeon on Chulak. How could that be enough? How could it be enough in light of what Daniel had just learned?

"Do you know how Jack and I met?"

"I do not." He seemed unfazed by the sudden shift in topic.

"I figured out what the Stargate--the Chaapa'ai--was and how to turn it on. Jack led a team through the Gate and I went with him."

"To Abydos. Where you defeated Ra."

"Yeah. You heard?"

"It is a tale told in the dark among those who wish to be free of the gods."

"Well, see, Jack didn't know me. Didn't like me. Didn't like anyone at the time. I really didn't help--I lied when I told him I knew how to get his men back home. I didn't." Daniel winced remembering that geeky kid Jack had been stuck with. A lot changes in a year. "Finally, Ra did get the upper hand on us. He'd captured Jack and the rest of our team. He wanted to make me kill them. Had it all planned out. So it came down to one moment, a staff weapon, and a choice."

"You chose correctly."

"And so did you. One moment, a staff weapon, and a choice. And whether or not it's too late for...some, it has to be enough."

Teal'c looked stricken at those last words. It suddenly occurred to Daniel his family probably wasn't the biggest regret this man had carried with him to Earth.

"Look, nothing you or I say or do is going to change what happened. The only thing I can hope for now is to make it right. And to do that, we need you.Ineed you."

"I will do whatever is required to correct my unforgivable act."

Unforgivable. It was the word Daniel himself had used to describe it. It seemed somehow wrong to hear it said out loud by this man. Daniel realized someday it would be a wrong term entirely.Not today, but someday. "I believe you."

"Then do you wish me to accept GeneralHammond's offer?"

"Yeah." It was more of a sigh than a word.

"I will not fail you again, DanielJackson."

His task completed, Daniel wanted nothing more than to leave. To be away from the constant reminder that was Teal'c. "I'm gonna go now. Sorry."

"You do not need to apologize." Teal'c folded himself back on the bunk as Daniel opened the door.

Daniel couldn't go back to the small room he'd been given to use. He suddenly felt claustrophobic--closed in, beaten down by the dull, gray walls of this base. He couldn't go back to Jack's spare room--too afraid Jack might try to talk to him.

Instead, he went out the main gate, parked his car off the road, and just sat. He could see the lights of the town glowing cheerfully in the distance. Behind him, the familiar, alien bulk of the Mountain. Left and right, the silent and untouched forest. The still, anonymous darkness beyond the gravel shoulder called to him. He got out, not bothering to lock the military-issue sedan, and walked into it. He trudged aimlessly, alone, through the frigid night in the forest around the Mountain, all the time wishing for the dry warmth of desert sand and the balm of a woman's touch.

When the sun finally rose, he left his anger and grief in that forest and turned back to the small flicker of hope he still had inside the base. Calling on every shred of strength a lifetime of being alone had taught him, Daniel Jackson squared his shoulders and headed inside to do whatever it was life was demanding of him this time.

Late in the night cycle, Teal'c achieved Kelno'reem on his new home for the first time.

"GeneralHammond."

George looked up to find Teal'c filling the doorway to his office. He gestured the Jaffa inside.

"I have come to accept your offer to be part of SG1."

"Excellent. I was beginning to wonder if you were going to turn me down."

"I have cared for some private matters."

"Alright, son. Whatever that means. Now, you are aware that we have a certain chain of command here. I know you were in...well, let's just call it a position of authority...in your world." George gave a game smile to show he could handle this. "But Colonel O'Neill will be in command of SG1. And Captain Carter will be second-in-command."

"I am aware of the protocol in this matter."

"Good. I just want to cover my bases here. I'll have an airman show you to some decent quarters, get you a uniform. Here." He handed Teal'c the small plastic card he had on the corner of his desk. "It's a security pass. As soon as I get the go-ahead from the brass, that will get you in and out of the base as well as access to some of the more sensitive areas."

"You will give me free access to this facility?"

"Well, not exactly. There's some places that card won't get you into. I'm sorry, but it's necessary for now.

I'm sure that will change."

"I understand. You are a wise commander, GeneralHammond."

"Thank you. I hope you're right. Because I have a feeling we're getting in a little over all our heads here."

"You are embarking on a most dangerous course of action."

"Teal'c, you're not exactly a reassuring person, you know that?"

"I do not believe you want platitudes, GeneralHammond."

"No, I guess not." George stood up, considering Teal'c for a moment. He felt irrationally paternal toward his new recruit. Even though Teal'c had admitted to being a hell of a lot older than George himself. "I think you should be aware this will not be easy. Folks around here are not...exactly sure about you. Neither is my government."

"I am aware of this. If it were my world, I would be cautious as well."

"But I do assure you that we'll do our best to make your adjustment as painless as possible."

"Thank you GeneralHammond."

"You're welcome, son. Now, I have to go. Make sure Colonel Kennedy isn't getting into any trouble. Then I have to have a talk with Colonel O'Neill and Doctor Jackson on the subject of following orders." Actually, he had a good lecture prepared, complete with threats and some well-placed curse words. Hopefully, it would do the trick. He turned and smiled at Teal'c, just now following him out of the small office. "I hope you're better at it then they are."

Teal'c's only response was one eyebrow that climbed to the top of his forehead.

Right.

George realized this was going to be a long assignment. Maybe he should rethink retirement after all.

"Offworld activation!" The yell from the control room squeaked from the slightly antiquated speaker system. George hurried to find out what was going on, his old instincts snapping to attention.

Then again, retirement was highly overrated.

~~finis~~