Hiccups

By quikshadow 

EMAIL: quiksilvred_shadow@yahoo.com.au 
RATING: G 
CATEGORY: General, humor
SUMMARY: Sam's got the hiccups and it leads to some embarrassing consequences.
SPOILERS: None 
AUTHOR'S NOTE: It's a light fic.
DISCLAIMER: Disclaimer Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

SG-1 sat in the briefing room with the commander of the base General Hammond. It was a usual briefing of a planet called P3O-457. Daniel finished his archeological perspective on the inhabitants and ruins he'd seen through the M.A.L.P.

"Major?" the General prompted

"The UAV shows a large reading of Naquada within the mountain range" Sam responded knowing her cue

"A mine?"

"Most likely. There seems to be large deposits deep within the *hic* mountain"

She blinked in surprise at her hiccup. She noticed everyone was staring at her. She just hiccupped in mid sentence and in a formal and important briefing.

"Sorry" she apologized feeling her cheeks burn

Jack smothered a grin, Daniel looked down to hide his own grin and Teal'c raised an eyebrow slightly. The General chose to divert the attention away from the embarrassed Major.

"Will it be possible to set up trade negotiations?"

"I can't tell for sure until I meet them but I'm sure we can" Daniel answered

The General nodded, "SG-1 you have a go. Dismissed"

Everyone rose at the command and headed out of the room. Another hiccup jumped out from her. The team headed for the exit.

"Major?"

Sam turned to see Jack in question.

"Drink some water"

With that he walked ahead to hide his amusement. Daniel walked past.

"Don't worry Sam, holding your breath is better"

Sam stopped and watched Daniel's retreating back not sure to take the advice or Daniel was teasing her.

"Major Carter. I believe alarming you would prove most effective" Teal'c suggested before passing her also

She frowned. Now she knew her friends were just teasing her. Even Teal'c had a hint of amusement in his voice. Not only she embarrassed herself now she was the center of their 'fun'. She growled but it was interrupted by another hiccup. She sighed frustrated and walked out of the room.

Jack was bored. They weren't due to leave for about another hour and he was tired of doing paper work. So he wondered the identical halls to finish up in Sam's lab. He approached the door way and heard a hiccup.

"I see drinking water hasn't helped" he made his presence known

Sam looked up from her experiment, "No sir"

She concentrated on the gadget before her and was tweaking at something before she hiccupped again. She jolted and he concentration and her task ruined. She sighed frustrated.

"Problem?"

"You could say that. The hiccups wont go away. I've tried drinking water, I've tried holding my breath..."

"Did you drink water in just swallowing. No breaths?"

"Yes"

"What about drinking on the other side of the glass?" Jack suggested

"What?"

"Standing on one leg and drinking water is another way" Jack suggested another

Sam closed her eyes and shook her head, "No matter what I do *hic* its still here"

Jack looked at her for a moment. She sighed as she gazed back to her unfinished work.

"Want some cake?" he asked, "There is chocolate today"

Sam looked up, "How will that help with hiccups?"

"It wont. It helps with my stomach" Jack looked at he prompting her to forget about it and indulge into something relaxing.

She smiled, "Yes sir. I think I *hic* like that"

The Stargate powered up locking on to various symbols. SG-1 waited quietly for the last member to join them.

"Hurry up Daniel" Jack scowled then added lightly, "You know we're on a budget?"

"Sorry" he muttered half heartily

Sam quietly hiccupped. The burden still with her. Once the team was joined together they headed up to the open portal. Teal'c and Daniel went through first. Sam hiccupped again without the chance to smother it. Jack looked at her.

"Didn't take my advice?" Jack frowned

"I did sir. It didn't work" Sam replied

"You did the leg hopping thing?" he raised his eye brows a smile playing on his lips as he imagined Sam hopping on one leg

"I'm desperate" Sam tried to stop her checks going a little red

"Maybe a the trip through the Stargate might work" Jack suggested

Sam gave him a questioning look. He shrugged, "It worked for me"

She saw his form disappear into the blue illusion liquid. She couldn't recall a time her CO went through with the hiccups. But she didn't think the trip through the Stargate would cure her hiccups. I mean the Stargate just transferred matter from one 'gate to another. It had no way to cure hiccups.

Then again there is no sure cure for hiccups.

"Is there a problem Major?" the General asked over the speakers

She realized she'd been standing there for too long.

"No *hic* sir" she tried to sound professional but was interrupted by another hiccup

Before she could suffer more embarrassment she turned and entered the wormhole. The Stargate disintegrated behind her, leaving the General to shake his head and some of the staff to snicker. He saw it and shot glares at them. He didn't like someone under his command to be the laughing stock. Especially someone intelligent as Major Carter. The members got the message and stopped... only until the General left the control room.

Sam stepped through to the other side. Teal'c and Jack already secured their position. Sam joined them.

"Carter, how far?" Jack asked

Sam pulled out a small device "3 clicks north, sir"

"Alright, kids" Jack announced as Sam joined them, "To Oz!"

Jack took point as Teal'c brought up the rear. They walked through the clearing and into bush land. Sam realized her hiccups didn't come. Maybe the gate travel did work after all. Jack noticed also and turned to give Sam a smile.

"Told you, gate travel works"

Sam smiled back. Daniel and Teal'c were confused because they missed the advice Jack gave Sam. Well they were confused until the usual sound popped from her mouth, quite loud. 

Jack frowned, "I spoke too soon"

"Sorry sir, I guess it didn't" she gave an apologetic shrug

Jack let it go, "Never mind Carter"

They continued though the forest until they reached their destination. Sam suppressed another hiccup and it came out as small flinch from her body. She'd been doing that all the way through the hike. She grew use to her friends' quiet amusement and looks. It was more likely she'd ignored them but once in a while she shot glares at them.

In front of them was a small village. It was bustling with working people and running children. Pens held alien domesticated animals as large tents popped out from the grass. The people ranged from light brown to a few shade darker in skin tone. The younger adults and children had jet black hair as the older generations were showing silver streaks or already went gray.

As the team entered the village an older man approached them. No one else in the village seemed to notice them. The older man had gray hair, wrinkles and his course looking skin showing years of knowledge and wisdom. He wore woven cloth that looks to be dyed fleece around his shoulders. He looked at the visitors calmly with deep brown eyes.

"Hi" Jack greeted in his own way

The man spoke to them to in his native tongue. Daniel stared at the man concentrating on the dialect before responding in broken sentences. The man turned to Daniel and spoke back fluently. Daniel wasted no time into introducing the team and man nodded to each in turn. When Sam's introduction came she involuntary hiccupped, then went red as the older man was looking at her, with amusement. After the introductions were done he gestured they should follow.

"Well?" Jack asked as they started to follow.

"They seemed to be descended from Native American Indians but speak a dialect of Goa'uld" Daniel explained

"So any snakes around?" Jack asked

"It is unlikely O'Neill" Teal'c responded instead of Daniel, "These people are nomadic. If they were Goa'uld enslaved they would be settled in one place"

"Its more like they were oppressed by the Goa'uld for so long that they forgot their old language" Daniel supported Teal'c's explanation

Sam was behind her group. She looked around the place and saw the villages doing their own thing. She saw some weaving and spinning thread, others managing farms and domestic animals, some carrying pails of water, others cooking on campfires and children ran about playing games, screaming and delight and laughter through the long grass. 

Sam smiled then hiccupped unexpectedly. It came out as a surprise so she didn't have a chance to hush it. She saw some villagers give her a funny look. A group of old women, spinning thread, laughed and talked among themselves in their own language. She groaned inwardly as she felt her cheeks grew red. Why today, of all days, do I end up with the hiccups?

They were led to a tent and the older man talked to another man outside the tent. The younger man nodded and ran off. The older man led them in and gestured for them to be seated on the mats on the ground. SG-1 politely complied. The man sat down opposite them after they sat down. Women came in serving them drinks. Sam gave another hiccup, which she tried to suppress it desperately but it rebelled. The older man looked at her again. The woman serving her drinks looked at her and frowned and then looked at the older man. He waved her off. The woman left in a haste.

"Great Carter. You scared her off" Jack drawled 

"I hope we didn't offend them" Daniel said quietly

"I can't help it" Sam said defensively, "Its not like I want to scare them all off or offend them in any way"

"I know" Daniel replied, "But they may not know that"

"Daniel" Jack rolled his eyes in Sam's defense, "These people are not that stupid to think hiccups are offensive"

"Maybe not but they can be superstitious about it"

Sam hiccupped again. Suddenly another figure entered the tent. The person as a female Indian, her raven black hair came to her shoulders. She wore white cloth dress. She looked at the strangers then at her leader in question. The leader nodded as a go ahead. The woman turned to the strangers and sat down nearby the older man.

"Welcome" she said unsure

Daniel blinked, "You speak English?"

"Only little of your language" she replied, "I learnt it on my travels"

"Travels?"

"Though the Stone Circle" she replied, "I am explorer"

"Great" Jack cut off as Daniel was about to ask more questions. 

How much this was all interesting Jack wanted to get this trade over and done with before Daniel gets himself tangled into his own curiosity. Also he wanted to get home for the hockey match tonight. Sam silently hiccupped but lucky for her this time it was ignored. Daniel closed his open mouth and gave an annoyed glance at Jack. He got the message so he rephrased his next words

"We wish to discuss trade negotiations" Daniel said

"Trade? We have nothing to offer you" she replied

Sam stepped in "In the mountains you have a mineral called Naquada-"

"Goa'uld use Naquada" the woman cut in with new suspicion

"But we use it to built weapons against the Goa'uld" Daniel explained

"Goa'uld built weapons and hurt others" the woman said stubbornly

"If we were Goa'uld we would have taken this planet long ago" Daniel pointed out calmly

"Then why he wears Goa'uld mark" she accused pointing at Teal'c

"I was once First Prime to Apophis but saw he was a false god. Now I fight against them, along with the Tau'ri" Teal'c offered his explanation

"You are Tau'ri?" the woman's eyes were filled with realization

"Yes" Daniel replied

A smile passed her lips before rising and sitting beside the older man. Sam quietly suppressed another hiccup, resulting in another jolt. She wished it would just leave. The woman and the older man spoke in the dialect. The older man nodded approvingly. The woman returned to the team, taking back her sitting position.

"Forgive me for my earlier suspicions. You must understand, we recently found our freedom from Goa'uld and I grow uneasy, expecting return" the woman apologized before getting to her offer, "I have talked with my elder. I have explained the situation. He says you may take what you need from the land. We are, like you, visitors. He believes that you can ultimately one day lead the universe to freedom from Goa'uld. But I warn you, if you over use land the land will suffer and eventually die. As visitors you must respect this land and all will be punished if it is not fulfilled to that respect"

"Sure. It's you call" Jack shrugged

"Thanks" Daniel smiled

The woman bowed in a head nod. A loud hiccup came from Sam's direction.

"Oh for crying out loud" Jack scolded sick of Sam's hiccupping. 

It was a joke before now it was getting plain annoying. Sam didn't bother apologizing. She agreed with her CO. It was getting way out of hand. It just wouldn't stop.

"Tam'li" the older man replied and laughed

The woman turned to him before turning back. The looking at Sam with a smile.

"You have hiccups"

"Ya think" Jack murmured under his breath

"Yeah" Sam muttered quietly

"It is funny. Village is talking about it"

"It seems you're a hit with the locals Carter" Jack grinned

"Indeed" Teal'c agreed

"Lucky me" Sam muttered in sarcasm the hiccupped again.

"Tam'li?" Daniel questioned confused by the elder's word

"Means, drunk" the woman translated

"You mean, he thinks, they think, that I..." Sam blinked

"Had one to many" Jack finished for her

"Many disapprove at this time of day to be drinking, especially women" the woman explained

"But I haven't been drinking" Sam protested like a child

"I know you haven't. I suggest you leave the village. Some elder villagers don't take offense lightly" the woman warned

"Ok we're done here anyway. Gear up" Jack ordered the asked the woman, "So its really ok? We can just come and take what we need?"

"Yes, with care" the woman replied, "Great amount of trust has been placed on you to take care of land"

"But..." Daniel began to protest being denied of his curiosity earlier, plus there were ruins near the gate he hadn't got the chance to look at.

"You can come back with another team and eat all the ice-cream you want" Jack interrupted knowing what Daniel was asking for

Daniel sighed. He had to wait longer to discover what happened here and about this woman.

"I will escort you back to the Stone Circle"

Sam hiccupped again. How embarrassing.

Sam was back in her lab. After escaping from Janet and her mirth she was trying to relax before the debriefing. She was working intently on a gadget that was brought back from a planet. She hiccupped again and sighed, her posture slumped in surrender. This was ridiculous! Hiccups didn't go that long! Even she must have a world record for the longest time to have hiccups!

She sighed again the tried to work intently on her gadget again.

"Major Carter"

She jumped and turned.

"Teal'c!"

"Am I disturbing you?"

"No... no. I didn't hear you. You scared me"

"I apologize"

"No it's fine" Sam shook her head

"Hey kids!" Jack entered, "Teal'c what are you doing here?"

"Assisting Major Carter"

Jack looked at Sam then at Teal'c. Sam smiled.

"With what T?"

"With her hitch" Teal'c replied

Jack frowned at Teal'c's words before getting what Teal'c was getting at.

"Oh Hiccups?"

"Indeed"

"Really?" Sam blinked, "You have any suggestions? I'm out of ideas"

"On the contrary. It is done"

"What?" Sam blinked

"I have suggested alarming you is most effective. I have alarmed you as I approached you"

"You mean just scaring her?" Jack asked with disbelief, "That's all?

"Indeed"

Sam smiled, "Wow thanks Teal'c. I think its gone"

There was silence. Waiting, daring for the hiccup to come back. It never did.

"Well that problem is solved. How about going to the debriefing? You know how the General gets when he's kept waiting with no coffee?"

Sam smiled and follow the two men out.

They all sat at the debriefing. Each filling in what happened on the mission to P3O-457. All carefully leaving out Sam's ongoing hiccups. In the debriefing the General noticed that the Major wasn't hiccupping like this morning. He was glad she sought it out. Hiccupping was so unlike her.

"So they allowed us to take it for free" Jack concluded

General Hammond frowned, "For free?"

"As long was we respect their lands. The people there are nomadic. They move around the land as to not over use them. Some Native American Indian tribes here on earth were like that" Daniel gave a brief explanation

"Or they'll 'punish us' if we don't respect the *hic*... land" Jack blinked at his hiccup

Sam and Daniel exchange glances and hid grins as Teal'c raised an eyebrow. The General looked at the Colonel. Jack sank back in his chair feeling suddenly hot.

"The bottom line is sir. If we want to mine the Naquada we can't just barge in and take over" Sam saved Jack from suffering any more

"Point taken Major" The General set his mouth together. Jack could of sworn a smile was forcing its way to the surface.

Jack knew he couldn't live this down. Just after Sam got the hiccups he just happened to contract them. It has been a long while since he had hiccups. No one ever heard him having hiccups so it was a new thing for many people. New and funny. How was am I suppose to be serious now? Was this how Carter felt?

To add insult to injury he hiccupped again.

"I'm looking forward to your mission reports. Colonel I recommend you do something about the hiccups. Dismissed" The General rose from his chair

Jack got up and power walked to the exit. Not wanting to face his team mates or their jokes. He entered the halls and Sam managed to catch up with him.

"Ask the General if he will allow you to go through the 'gate" she advised before passing him with a grin, "It works"

He stopped to respond but his mouth came up empty. Instead he closed it setting his mouth to a line. Then he hiccupped unexpectedly again.

"Holding you breath always works" Daniel shot as he walked past

Jack frowned. So much for not being at the butt end of their pathetic jokes.

"Shall I assist in alarming you O'Neill?" Teal'c asked as he came up beside Jack

"Yes, thought would be *hic*... helpful" he said distastefully

Jack walked off. Teal'c nodded before walking after him.