Caution, Falling Rocks
I don’t think I can begin to describe the sheer unmitigated pleasure I experienced as I stepped into the icy coldness of the event horizon. The rush of motion and sudden deceleration are like familiar friends, long missed and gratefully revisited. Hot sun touched my face and I know I smiled because I saw Carter’s expression – that little sideways half lift of her lips and the turn of her eyes that she gives when she wants to laugh out loud but knows better than to do it. To be honest I wouldn’t have minded if she had – not this time anyway.
I was off world for the first time in months.
It almost made me want to kiss the scrawny, pale skinned man standing in front of me – almost, but I wasn’t that desperate If it wasn’t for the grass skirt and cloak of iridescent bird feathers Pat’au would have looked like a Silicon Valley computer nerd, all he needed was a pair of glasses to complete the picture.
Speaking of glasses – ah, there he was. A kawhoosh, a clunk, and my errant archaeologist landed beside me on the marble cobblestones.
“Daniel? Where were you?”
He wrenched his eyes from the sight of Pat’au and his eight wives kneeling below us, and gave me a contrite smile.
“Sorry, Jack, I realised you’d forgotten this.” He pulled a large folder stuffed full to bursting from his pack. “It took me a few minutes to fit it in. I knew you wouldn’t have wanted to leave it behind, especially as you haven’t finished reading it.”
I smiled back, showing my teeth. “Gee, thanks Daniel. I really appreciate that.” I swear he turned a little pale.
“High Lord O’Nail. We welcome you to Ghia.” Pat’au bowed even further forward, his forehead touching the ground. His wives fluttered down beside him like a flight of delicate butterflies caught by a breeze. I know I wasn’t the only one to grin at the sight of eight silk clad backsides sticking up in the air, because there were snorts of pleasure from my ever present SF guards, and a long suffering sigh from the female colonel beside me. Poor Carter – always fated to being stuck with a bunch of shallow males.
“Would you like me to hammer home the point that you aren’t a god, Oh Mighty Lord O’Nail?” The words, thank goodness, were soft enough to only reach my ears, and I replied in kind.
“Oh very amusing, Daniel. Go on – do your stuff, after all that’s why I brought you along. It certainly wasn’t for your comedic value.”
Daniel stepped forward, extending his arms outwards in the gesture of friendship used on P7D-186.
“On behalf of General O’Neill,” he emphasised my name carefully, “I thank you for your welcome.” He stepped down the steep stairs, finally reaching the man and bending to take his elbow and guide him up. “The General does not want you to bow before him, as I explained on our previous visit, he is just a man as you are and comes to meet with you on equal footing.”
Careful not to lose my equal footing on the slippery stones, I walked with as much dignity as I could muster down to ground level.
“Pleased to meet you.” I extended my hand and took his, shaking it firmly.
Pat’au looked a little shocked, and then returned the gesture. His wives merged into one large bundle, holding scarves up to their faces and smiling behind them. I could hear the low murmur of conversation from the younger ones at the back of the group.
“Okay – let’s get this show on the road. How far’s the village, Carter? I suppose it’s miles away.”
“No, sir, it’s just over this rise.” The Colonel pointed at the small hill. “It’ll only take a couple of minutes to get there.”
“Indeed, Lord O’Nail” The chief beamed up at me. “We shall be in plenty of time for the noon meal. We have prepared a special offering in your honour.”
As we walked I contemplated Pat’au’s words. Typical – probably some sort of native dish designed to have me spend the next few weeks in the infirmary and lose ten pounds.
Daniel had taken up a position to my left, and I turned to him. “Which of the wives do you think the Chief will offer me? Hope it’s the redhead – she looks feisty enough.”
He threw me a disgusted glare. “I doubt he’ll offer you any, Jack. As far as I can tell from my previous visit, his wives are devoted to him. Sorry to disappoint you.”
“No, no. Not a disappointment at all, Daniel.” I smiled as I strode along, eyeing the bright cloudless sky – no sign of rain, but I was betting that could change in seconds. “I’m happy to just do this treaty thing and get home. No complications, that’s what I want from this mission.”
Yeap, I meant every word. Just getting out of the mountain was good enough for this general.
The village consisted of a large collection of huts, all made from a rich red wood, capped with thatch. They were carved with complicated patterns and painted in vibrant blues and greens. I had to admit that the sight was quite spectacular. Waiting to meet us, a large group of men stood at the entrance to what seemed to be a meeting hall. I noted several openly staring at Teal’c and moved my hand unobtrusively towards the P-90 hanging from my shoulder. It wouldn’t be the first time the presence of the ex First Prime had caused problems for us. I just hoped that this time we would be given time to explain before we had to fight for our lives or undergo some sort of ritual test to prove our hatred of the Goa’uld.
One young man, rivalling Teal’c in size, took a few steps away from the crowd, and I tensed.
“That is an unusual tattoo, unlike any I have seen.” He pulled at the sleeve of his tunic, exposing the design of a large flying creature somewhat like a dragon on his right forearm. “I would be pleased if you would explain how it was done.” Mutters of agreement came from the other men, all of whom I realised sported equally impressive tattoos on various parts of their bodies.
Teal’c inclined his head, smiling. “I would be pleased to explain it to you. Perhaps after we have eaten?” He gave me a look of inquiry and I nodded.
“Sure, T. Enjoy yourself, live a little.”
He gave me a trademark lift of his eyebrow as if checking my words for hidden meaning, before inclining his head in acceptance.
We approached the meeting hall, stepping over the low wooden fence onto a porch at the front. Following Daniel’s lead, I removed my boots and left them outside the door before entering the long single room. I couldn’t help looking up, my eyes following the tall, carved pillars to their meeting point in the peaked roof. I gave a low whistle of appreciation.
Daniel’s voice called my attention back to where it should have been in the first place.
“Ah…Jack?” I turned in the direction he indicated, seeing that the chief was waiting patiently, surrounded by even more beautiful females, but this time younger.
“My daughters, Lord O’Nail.” I smiled at the over ten or twelve young things, ranging in age from early teens to mid twenties, wondering how to avoid the sort of faux pas that ended in my marrying one of them. There was a sudden movement to my right, and several teenage boys took up position alongside the girls. “My sons. They are fine young men, are they not?”
I nodded, smiling, hoping against hope that the ‘marry a child of the chief off to seal an alliance‘ deal wasn’t a part of this village’s culture. “Yes, very fine.” I hastily added, “As are your daughters.” I wanted no ambiguity here, if I was going to be married off to one, I wanted it to be the right sex. I was relieved when Pat’au grinned and waved his children away.
A low table was set in the middle of the room, groaning with food. I took the offered position at its head, bending my knees uncomfortably to sit cross-legged, barely restraining myself from an audible groan as they cracked dramatically. Daniel and Carter both glanced at me at the sound, giving me sympathetic looks I ignored.
The meal was very plain, but tasty, consisting of various cheeses, fruits, and a variety of bread. The special dish turned out not to be the drugged cake I had been dreading, but a desert similar to ice cream, apparently chilled in a nearby stream fed by mountain springs to almost freezing temperatures.
Lunch completed, we got down to business. I resigned myself to several hours of boring trade negotiations, my presence needed only because of the special request of the chief. This village was close to a very rich vein of naquadah, and if it took my sitting in on the proceedings to get at it, so be it.
A couple of times during the next hour Daniel hesitated over a point, once asking the chief’s deputy for clarification, but after a little negotiation, the slight hiccups were solved. I was almost sorry when the papers were presented for my signature, the boring atmosphere had been sending me off into a light doze, my back resting hard against one of the tall pillars. Sleep was one thing I was in dire need of, having not had enough of it for weeks.
Treaty signed, we left, putting our footwear back on, and moving out into the sunlight. Teal’c was collected by his fellow tattoo enthusiasts, and I pictured the conversation as he told them that rather than a work of art, the sign of his forehead was a mark of slavery.
“Yes, the gold does have a rather pleasing effect.” My friend’s rich voice echoed back to me as he walked away. “I sometimes enhance the colour with a little powder.”
I did a double take. Maybe Teal’c was a little more resigned to his mark of servitude than I thought.
“I have had a hut prepared for you, Lord O’Nail, if you wish to rest before the evening activities.”
“Activities?”
Pat’au launched into an enthusiastic explanation of the coming event, describing what seemed to be a cross between a school play and a Thanksgiving dinner. I switched off and just nodded graciously as befitted my position of all powerful Lord of the Hammer. Finally he ran out of words, just as we reached the door of a large hut. Bowing, he gestured Daniel, Carter and I in, and took his leave, after telling us to just ask if we needed anything.
I slumped down on the cushions strewn across the floor, and rested my head in my hands, knowing I was gaining concerned looks from my companions.
“Sir? Are you okay?” I felt rather than saw Carter kneel beside me.
“Yes, Carter, I’m fine.” And I was. It was hard to identify what I was feeling, but I knew it wasn’t anything physical. Rather, there was a lump deep down somewhere inside me, sitting heavy and solid. I took my hands down and straightened my neck, looking around the room. “Just do me a favour and check the door for me, will you, Colonel?”
Without a word, she got to her feet and moved to the closed door, opening it and looking out. Her outline was silhouetted against the sunlight as she turned, looking at me enquiringly.
“Thanks, Carter. Close the door again.”
“What’s going on, Jack?” Daniel perched himself on a pile of cushions opposite me, his face beginning to show signs of worry. “You’ve been on edge all day.”
Had it been that obvious? Carter took up her previous position at my side and they both waited for me to answer.
“I don’t know, guys. There’s just something off about this mission. I can’t relax. Hell. I expected you to tell me the door was locked and that we were prisoners.”
“Why would you think that?” Daniel’s brow creased in a puzzled frown, and I knew he was reviewing our contact with the locals for clues.
“I don’t know,” I replied. “That’s just it. All day it’s as if there’s been something nagging at me, but I can’t put my finger on it.”
“Well, your instincts are usually right, sir. Maybe you’ve subconsciously spotted something we’ve missed.” Carter was already looking around, scanning for possible signs of danger. “Should one of us go get Teal’c?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m sure he will notice if there’s anything to be worried about. Leave him. It’s not often he has a chance to relax on missions.” I tried to give a reassuring smile, but I’m not sure how well I succeeded. “I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a bit peckish.”
Daniel started to get up. “I’ll ask for some refreshments.”
“No. Humour me.” I gave what I knew was a sheepish grin. “Let’s break out the MREs. I just want to be sure of what I’m eating.”
“Then we shouldn’t eat MREs.”
I couldn’t help laughing at Carter’s response. Within a few minutes we were each sitting, the wonders of military field rations ready and waiting. I took a spoonful.
And frowned.
There was something decidedly wrong here. My chicken actually tasted like chicken. I glanced up at the others. They were eating with the usual lack of enthusiasm.
“Ah…” I really didn’t know how to put what I wanted to say into words. “Does this food taste normal to you.”
“Yes.”
“Yes. Sir.”
They both nodded. Daniel’s frown had deepened.
“Ummm.” I put the plate down and contemplated it, but it just sat there – an innocent plate of food. It didn’t turn into some sort of strange glob monster and leap at us, nor did it start dissolving the plate’s surface in a hiss of acid.
“Okay, Jack, now you’re really starting to worry me.” Daniel put his plate down too and Carter followed suit. They both edged away from them slightly. “What do you think is wrong with the food?”
“Nothing, Daniel – that’s what’s wrong with it – nothing. It tastes good.” I waited for their response, but got only confused looks back, so I continued. “It an MRE. It isn’t meant to taste good.”
“Pardon?”
I stood and began to pace. Everything was finally falling into place and I needed to talk it out. If I could say it out loud to them, we might be able to put all the clues together and work out the problem.
“That’s just it. There’s been nothing wrong all day. No Jaffa waiting for us when we exited the gate. We didn’t have to walk miles from the gate to the village. The weather didn’t turn to rain and a flash flood. There weren’t any fanatical villagers waiting to put us on trial. Pat’au isn’t a Goa’uld in disguise. I wasn’t asked to sleep with one of his wives, or marry one of his children. Our food wasn’t poisoned and I wasn’t given any drugged cakes. We haven’t had to fight our way back to the gate. Not one of us has been injured yet. And…” I paused dramatically, sure that my final point was the most significant. “This chicken tastes like chicken!”
I finally stopped, and looked at them. They both sat open mouthed, totally kumfumbled looks on their faces.
“Well?” I stared at two of the smartest people I knew and waited for them to give me an answer. There was silence for a few minutes, then I saw the light of revelation in Daniel’s eyes.
“Oh my god!” He pointed his right index finger at me, his eyes wide.
“Yes?” Had that brilliant mind found the solution?
“You’re bored.”
Huh? I asked myself – huh? I opened my mouth and put my confusion into words with my usual eloquence.
“Huh?”
He stood up and leaned over me, poking his finger into my face.
“You came on this mission expecting excitement. Go on, admit it. You wanted there to be problems so you could have a nice little off world adventure and relive the good old days. “
I stared back at him. “Oh, come on!”
“No, Jack, think about it. You were really looking forward to this mission, even though you knew it was a straight forward diplomatic meeting.”
At that, I pointed my finger back at him. “But that’s just it – there aren’t any straight forward diplomatic missions when SG-1 is involved. So why now? “ I smiled in triumph, “Answer that, Rock Boy.”
“Because, General O’Neill.” He immediately snapped back at me, his hands now on his hips and his whole posture radiating sudden understanding. “Because you are on the mission with us.”
“What?!”
“Do you really think they would let you off world if there was the remotest chance of there being any danger? If there was a possibility of your stubbing your toe they would probably have scrubbed the mission.”
I collapsed back onto the soft cushions, the hard lump filling my throat. Shit! Daniel was right, I had been looking for danger where there was none. And he was right about the rest of it as well. They had given me this mission to keep me quiet, and god knew when I would be getting another one. Probably when hell froze over.
“Sir.” Carter’s soft voice intruded into my depressing thoughts. “None of us want to lose you, not now we’ve just got you back.”
I finally raised my head and looked up at her. She was smiling tentatively, as if unsure of my reaction to her words. Daniel moved to stand behind her as if backing her up. He nodded sympathetically. .
“Sam’s right, Jack. There’s just so many times you can fight your way out of trouble before it snaps back and bites you in the ass. The President and the Joint Chiefs probably think you’ve used up all your get out of jail free cards.”
“So I’ve been put out to pasture?” I dropped my gaze again, unable to stand the pity in their faces.
“No, sir. We’re just being extra careful of you from now on.”
I groaned. “That’s just peachy. I get to spend the rest of my career behind a desk with the occasional trip to Planet Geriatric. How trilling!” I couldn’t help it, I knew I sounded petulant, but I just couldn’t damn well help it.
“No, Jack. You get to run the most important military operation on the planet. You get to talk to aliens every day, and you get to have lunch with the President.” Daniel crouched down, and put a hand on my shoulder. “You get to make decisions that affect the whole world – hell, that affect lots of worlds – and …” He stopped and I looked up, wondering what he was about to say, “you get to annoy Sam, Teal’c and I on a regular basis. What more could you ask for?”
He reached a hand down, pulling me up. “Come on. Let’s go find Teal’c and see whether he’s gotten a mermaid tattooed on his chest.”
I couldn’t help grinning. Daniel was right – I should be thankful for what I could do, not be sorry for what I couldn’t. I had had some damn good times as the leader of SG-1 and there was nothing to stop me having equally good ones as the leader of the SGC. They’d just be different.
As the three of us walked out into the sunshine, Daniel turned back to me.
“So which of Pat’au’s sons did you want to marry, Jack?”
The End
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