MEMOIRS OF
BRIGADIER GENERAL JACK O’NEILL
(Retired)
Part I
Chapter One
By Arrietty
2025
George asked me once, if I ever thought about writing my memoirs. I never believed that this would ever happen. Of course no one will ever see this - and if you are reading this, well, I will have to shoot you.
I do like these new fangled machines, you just talk into the little microphone thingy here and the words just come out. Oh for crying out loud! How do you delete this now?
Delete. Crap! That didn’t work. Oh, I give up.
Where was I? Oh yes, these are my memoirs. Well, some of them anyway.
It was back in 2004, which was a weird year: we got Daniel back; Jonas went home; and Anubis got creamed. All sorts of interesting things happened. Oh, yes and they got me out of that Popsicle machine. Now that wasn’t fun at all. I couldn’t get warm for weeks after that.
I suppose what I really need to write about is one of the darkest times of my life. I’ve been told – no, ordered to write about it. Apparently it should put to rest some of my nightmares.
It was the Christmas of 2004 when it started. We had finally kicked the Goa’ulds out of the Universe, I was also feeling fairly warm and it was the first Christmas without Doc. We all missed her that holiday, Cass the most of all. I noticed she hung around Sam a lot that day; wouldn’t let her out of her sight. That kid had it really rough, but she has still turned out really well. Three kids of her own now, and she makes a great mom.
We had all relaxed, even Teal’c had removed his hat. Sipping beers, and talking about everything we possibly could without mentioning work. I remember thinking that Pete didn’t seem to be too bad, and he was making Sam happy - that was what was important. Even if it did feel like a kick in the gut every time I saw them together. I remember later the following year, wishing that we had that Christmas day back again, even if it meant Carter’s head was on Pete’s shoulder and not mine, at least we were- This is a waste of time.
~*~
Okay, looks like I am back again. Where was I? I think I should stop thinking out loud here. Ah, Christmas 2004.
I had just got up to get another round of beers. I remember thinking that the house felt good all full of people. This was most probably the first Christmas that the thought of not sharing it with Charlie didn’t feel as though my beating heart had been torn out of my body. It was also the last time I would be that comfortable for a long time to come. The phone rang in the other room just as I opened the fridge to retrieve the beer. The words that came through to me on the phone were not what I wanted to hear right then.
~*~
2004
“General O’Neill, you need to come to the base immediately.”
“Understood.”
“Right, sir.”
All semblance of relaxation had flowed out of my body as soon as I heard the phone ring, and now the adrenaline was pumping through me.
I took a moment to look at my team, my family really. They looked so peaceful and happy and I, the big bad new general, was going to blast it all apart with just a few words.
“Hey, kids. Fun time is over now, back to the office we go.”
I had to give it to them; they very quickly put themselves on alert, even though it was a holiday. Although I shouldn’t really have been surprised. Oh, apart from Daniel - he was still in lala land. Had one beer too many again.
“Let’s go!”
Ushering everyone out the door, I handed my keys to Teal’c. He always liked to drive and, as he was the only one that hadn’t had a drink that day, I thought it prudent. Of course, I had to be careful how much I drank now that I was in charge of the SGC. ‘Never off duty’ as the saying goes.
Pete offered to drive Cass back to her apartment and I carefully looked the other way while he said goodbye to Carter. However hard I try, it still makes me feel like hitting something when I see them like that.
~*~
The road was slippery with melting snow, but I noticed that Teal’c drove my truck with proficiency, just like he flew a death glider. Trusting Teal’c to be fine, I was able to turn my thoughts to what could be waiting for us back at the base.
There was a lot of activity in the gate room when we arrived. The officer on duty immediately came up to me as I walked into the control room.
“General. There has been a situation at the Beta site.”
Leaning forward, he flicked the switch on the com link. A very crackly-sounding recorded message, which was breaking up, came through.
“This is Major Burton from the Beta...ite… to the S…can you please…ledge. Over.”
“This is Colonel Reynolds of the SGC, receiving, over.”
“We are under attack…ame out of nowhe…need back up, immedia…argh!”
I could hear the sounds of a fire fight in the distance, then a loud boom that drowned out his screams. Then there was nothing; just static from the broken link.
“Major Burton, are you receiving? Over.” Silence.
I always wondered how George ever made the decisions he made while running the SGC. Now I knew. They just come - you don’t have time to think them through, and if you did, you would never do anything.
Turning to Colonel Reynolds, I asked, “How long ago was this?”
“Thirty minutes, sir. I called you as soon as we heard.”
“And nothing since then?” I inquired.
He gave a barely perceptible shake of the head. Nodding once, I quickly started barking out orders. Not really caring whether I sounded gruff or not, I think I scared the living daylights out of the new recruits. No, O’Neill isn’t a teddy bear. Not that Hammond ever was.
This was bad, very bad. We couldn’t have anything go wrong at the Beta site right now. We must have a spy in the camp, because no one, not even the Tok’ra, knew this site’s address.
Carter knew the problem; I could see it in her eyes.
“Carter.”
“Yes, sir?”
“My office, now.”
Nodding, she followed me to my office. As soon as the MALP had gone through I would know what we were up against, but until then we had to make plans for all contingencies.
“So… how long before you can get communications working again, Colonel?”
Carter’s features transformed into her thinking look; I always like her thinking look, especially when she tries to explain something to me. She looks like she has trouble coming up with the correct words.
“As far as we can tell, there is nothing wrong with the radio, but the MALP should be ready to go through in four minutes.”
Nodding, I didn’t speak in order to let her continue. But she didn’t, she just stood there and looked at me, waiting for me to reply.
So, I had to say it. I didn’t want to, but I had to say it.
“It doesn’t look like the President will be going through the Stargate for his off-world experience after all, then.”
“No, sir.” I could see her shoulders relax as she spoke. We had been dreading the day when we would have to baby-sit the President of the United States. Briefly putting him out of my mind, I rubbed my hands over my face.
“Carter. I have to make a call, I will be along soon.”
She stood there and looked directly into my eyes for a moment, just a short time, but it was a good moment. Words didn’t need to be spoken. She knew exactly how I was coping with this new responsibility and had backed me all the way. I really appreciated this. Now I had to break the news to the President that he wasn’t going through the Stargate to tour the beta site after all. Not a pleasant task.
Nodding, without saying a word, she left my office. I could hear her footsteps fade down the corridor as I lifted the receiver of the red telephone.
~*~
The control room was a hive of activity as I descended the stairs. The tension was so strong that I could almost hear it humming. No one noticed me at first; they were all intent on their own tasks, as they should be.
“Carter, what’s happening?”
Carter looked up at me before answering.
“We are waiting for your order, sir. The MALP is ready to go.”
“You have a go, Colonel.”
Carter leaned towards to the microphone.
“Siler, it’s a go.”
Turning, he nodded once to her and the MALP began its journey through the waiting open wormhole.
The images that were coming back via the MALP were not good. Utter desolation would describe it. It was a waste land.
The MALP stopped, and Carter swiveled the camera around to find out what had made the loud boom earlier. A man, if that is what you could call him, came up to the MALP. He staggered and clutched his left arm with a blood covered right hand, his leg dragging behind him.
“Do not come through the gate,” he rasped out. “We will bury the gate, do not come.”
I barely recognized Major Burton; he was covered in open sores and lesions. Someone had put some makeshift bandages on his injured arm and right leg. He did not look good at all.
“Report, Major. What happened?”
“They came out of nowhere; they dropped smoke grenades, then two great bombs. They just blasted everything. There are only nine of us left. Everyone else has died.” I heard his voice break on the last word. “We haven’t got long left, sir. It was chemical warfare. We won’t even send the MALP back. Not worth it.”
“We’ll send in a hazmat team, we’ll bring supplies. Just hold on, Airman.”
“With respect, sir, no. Don’t come. It’s too late for us – two more have died just while we have talked. It’s lethal. The birds are falling out of the sky.”
The horror on the faces of the personnel standing with me mirrored my own feelings as I heard these terrible words.
“We understand, Frank.” I didn’t know what else to say. What do you say to a dying man?
“We will drop the gate face down,” Major Burton turned his head away from the camera lens and looked off to his right. “I’ve got to get out of the way, now, sir.” He slowly backed away from the MALP, stood as straight as he could and saluted. The screen went blank as the Stargate shut down.
It was quiet; no one spoke a word. I was seething with anger inside at the wasted lives. Daniel started to speak - cutting him off with an upheld hand, I stormed out of the room.
~*~
It had been three days since the incident at the Beta site and we were no closer to finding out how it had been compromised. We couldn’t go back there, even if it was safe. They had succeeded in disabling the Stargate at their end and they were most probably all dead by now. We were waiting to hear back from the Tok’ra, who we had contacted soon after the attack, but had heard nothing since.
I had spent the last three days compiling letters to the loved ones of the brave men and women that had been lost on the planet. It was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. As an officer in the Air Force, I had always done these jobs before, but not on this scale. Seventy-three dead. And we had no idea who it was or why they had attacked us. I had mentally counted off all the Goa’uld that would want to see us annihilated, but apart from Baal - and he had disappeared without a trace months ago – we were pretty sure they were all dead.
Shaking my head to dispel thoughts of that evil snake, I pulled down the last personnel file of a fallen airman. He had only been twenty-seven years old and had a lot of promise. The only blessing was that he hadn’t any children to leave fatherless. Sighing to myself, I laboriously started writing the last letter to grieving parents.
~*~
The break-through came five days after the attack. We received word from Jacob. Carter’s eyes were shining as she greeted her dad while he walked down the ramp. I have to admit that I was pretty pleased to see ol’ Jake myself.
“Hello, Jack,” he said, as he warmly shook my hand.
“Good to see you, Jacob. It has been a long time. Come to the briefing room.”
It was just my old team that was sitting around the table with me as we listened to what Jacob said. But it wasn’t Jacob who spoke. I felt a shudder run down my spine when I heard the symbiotic voice. Even though it was Selmac, I still couldn’t get rid of the dread I felt.
“We heard what has happened to the Beta site. We give you our condolences.”
Nodding, I acknowledged Selmac with a “thanks.”
“We know who is responsible for the attack.”
“Who?” I blurted out.
Selmac continued, “Baal.”
“But he’s dead,” Carter remarked.
“So we thought,” Jacob took over. “Apparently he has been hiding and building up another army.”
Cold thin tendrils worked their way down my spine, as Jacob and the rest continued the discussion. The words were flying over my head as I relived my experience under Baal’s imprisonment.
“Jack?”
“What?” I asked Daniel, startled from my memories.
“You ok?” He had risen from his seat and was standing beside me with his hand on my shoulder.
Shrugging his hand off irritably, I answered, “Yes, Daniel.” Trying not to show how this affected me, I ordered Daniel to sit down.
Avoiding Carter’s knowing gaze, I spoke to Selmac who was once again speaking, ‘when did he change from Jacob?’ “Where is he?”
Selmac briefly looked down and Jacob emerged, smiling wryly as he replied, “Back in his own fortress, you know the one that you were kept in.”
I wriggled, trying to stop the shivers doing their merry dance again, but it didn’t work, so I leaned back in my seat.
“General Carter, we need to stop him. With this new weapon he will decimate thousands.” It was the first time that Teal’c had spoken in the briefing room, and I looked at him sharply. He was correct; we had to stop this maniac.
“Okay, kids. Got any ideas?” I queried.
I didn’t like the expression in Jacob’s eyes, while he looked directly at me. “We need to get into the fortress and there is only one person who knows the way in and out of it.”
“What about Shallan?” I asked very quickly. Baal’s fortress was the last place I wanted to go anywhere near.
“I’m sorry, Jack, she was killed seven weeks ago, in a raid.” I could hear a faint keening sound in the back of my mind. It was the remnants of Kanan. Even though I didn’t have him die inside me like Carter did with Jolinar, I still remember him and what he felt. Kanan’s feelings spilled over into me, I was surprised.
I coughed loudly to cover up my emotions. “So, you need me then.”
“Yes, Jack,” he tilted his head to one side and stared at me. I knew what he was thinking. Sometimes astute people that had two thousand year old snakes in their heads are a nuisance.
Standing up, I used my usual humor to transfer attention away from my discomfort. “Yeah. Well… seeing as I am ‘the man’… I’d better pick up the red phone and ask if I’m allowed out to play.” I rolled my eyes just before I walked out of the briefing room. Deep down I didn’t want to go to that planet, but the thought of actually being back with my team felt good.
By the time I had reached my office, I had come to a decision. One that I couldn’t avoid, one that meant I would have to go back to that accursed planet. Even though I had used the excuse about discussing this with my superiors, it was a reality. I was not allowed to go off world in my position, one of the many drawbacks of being a general. Unfortunately, they - my superiors - would want me to lead this mission.
~*~
It was the following day when she caught me in the commissary. I had been trying to avoid her all day, but she cornered me beside the desserts. As soon as I saw the blue Jell-o, I knew she would appear. And I was right. An arm snaked past me and lifted a glass of Jell-o from the shelf.
“Afternoon, sir.’
“Er…hello, Carter.”
Taking a dessert, not looking at it properly, I plonked it onto my tray. I could hear her closely following as I walked to a table. Glancing around, I looked for an escape. Where were Daniel or Teal’c when you needed them? Resigning myself to the inevitable, I sat down at the table. I could hear the scrape of a chair as she pulled it out before sitting down opposite me. This, I knew, I was not going to enjoy one little bit.
“Sir?”
Ignoring her, I prodded hopefully at my murky coloured dessert. Maybe something would jump out of it and save me. Stabbing at it with my fork, I broke off a piece at the edge. The silence was heavy. Out the corner of my eye, I could see her hand clenched around the spoon, waiting for me to acknowledge her presence. Amidst all the noise of the kitchen staff in the background I could hear her quietly breathing, waiting, and her knuckles slowly growing whiter as she tightened the grip on her spoon. Not being able to put it off any longer, I finally acknowledged her.
“What, Carter?” I replied more gruffly than I intended. Without thinking, I quickly raised my head, looking straight into her eyes and promptly regretting it. There was hurt there, along with pain and worry. Throwing the fork down onto the plate, I leaned back and folded my arms.
“I’m all ears, Carter. What is it?”
Her hand now relaxed, she lifted her spoon up and delved it into the blue gelatinous mass. Her eyes were intent on what she was doing. I scrubbed my hands through my hair and looked around the room.
“Sir, this mission…”
I looked back at Carter and as she started to wave the spoon in the air while she talked, I couldn’t help but smile inside. It was such a little thing, but it made me almost forget my fears.
“…we are going on, you know, to Baal’s fortress. How are you with that?”
‘Oh yes, Carter. Don’t beat about the bush will ya?’ Even though I was one hundred percent sure that no one had entered the commissary, I still looked around for someone, anyone, to rescue me. Feeling desperate, I pushed the dessert away from me and stood up.
“I’m fine, Carter. It will be a good chance to kill that slimy snakehead…” Not waiting for a reply, I strode quickly from the room.
A feeling of guilt was niggling at the back of my mind. I knew I had been rude to Carter, but this was something that I really didn’t want to discuss right now. Dismissing the whole incident from my mind, I continued to my office to attack the last of the paperwork before Davis arrived from the Pentagon.
~*~
It was three days later that Lieutenant Colonel Davis walked into the SGC. I was pleased that they had given him a promotion and was confident that he would be able to run this place in my absence.
Leaning forward over my desk we shook hands.
“Good to see you, Paul. Congratulations on your promotion.”
“Thank you, General O’Neill.”
Gesturing with my hand towards the chair… “At ease, Colonel, take a load off.” I sat down in my comfortable leather chair. After all, there had to be some perks with the job.
“Colonel, they’ve briefed you on what is happening?”
“Yes, sir.”
“My aid will fill you in on which teams are currently off-world. We’ve been cautious in sending out teams with Baal causing so much trouble. But there are three teams off-world at present, with one due back in…” I pulled the sleeve back from my wrist and checked my watch, “…three minutes.”
Standing up, I led Davis down to the control room to wait for SG-11’s return. Right on cue the inner ring of the Stargate started sliding around, locking in our address. Though the timing was perfect, everyone was tense, ready for anyone or anything to enter through that giant puddle.
“We have a code, sir.”
“Yes, Sergeant?”
“It’s SG-11, sir.”
“Open the iris.”
I watched the iris slide back before quickly moving down the staircase into the ‘gate room. I wanted to be there when they walked down that ramp, to let them know that someone was always here waiting for them. I didn’t realize just how concerned I was, until the first of my people walked down the ramp and I felt myself relax. The smile on the Major’s face informed me that all was well.
“Welcome home. You know the drill; infirmary, showers, and then debriefing in three hours.”
“Yes, sir.” With a smile and a nod, they trooped past Davis and me. I watched them saunter off to the infirmary, evidently pleased to be back. I missed that feeling, the feeling you get after a mission gone well.
A tiny thread of excitement began to travel its way up my insides as I fully realized what Davis being here really meant. I was going off-world, admittedly to a planet I didn’t want to go to, but still ‘off-world’.
With an extra bounce in my step, I walked briskly back to my office with Davis trailing along behind me.
~*~
Heliopolis Main Archive
A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
Memoirs of Brigadier General Jack O'Neill (retired)
by ArriettyStory Bemerkung:
This has been totally written from Jack's point of view. Not all things are necessarily as they seem, but only as Jack sees them. This is primarily a Jack fic, with a strong thread of Jack and Sam ship. It starts Christmas 2004, season 8 as we know it has not happened. Thanks goes to my wonderful beta readers, Amanda, *ses*, Dinky, DJ Boyd, Hoodat, Yllek and Steph, who have been helping me with different aspects of this large project. And of course a special thanks to Lynette for lending John to help with the Greek language.Site Navigation
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