Jacob entered the cargo hold and quickly spotted Daniel sitting against the back wall. His arms were crossed over his knees, his head resting tiredly on them. The posture practically screamed that he wanted to be left alone. Which was just too bad, because there was no way Jacob was going to let him get away with it. It wasn’t what he needed, no matter what he’d told Sam. Selmak wholeheartedly agreed, and they sat down beside the troubled man.
Daniel didn’t look up, and Jacob wasn’t even sure he was aware he had company. But finally Daniel spoke. “He didn’t remember his previous host’s name. A thousand years holding the man hostage in his own body and he didn’t know his name. I doubt the host even knew his name anymore.”
“Zipacna was a bastard, Danny, but he’s dead, and you’re not.”
“How long, Jacob? How long would it have taken for me to completely lose myself? To forget who I was, forget what I was? Two years? Five? Ten? How long before that would I have stopped even trying to fight him?”
‘Let me speak to him. I can make him understand.’
Jacob hesitated for only a moment before allowing Selmak to take over. He might be right in that Daniel would only listen to him.
“A Goa’uld chooses a new host for one of three reasons.” The young man’s shoulders tensed at the sound of Selmak’s deeper voice, but he didn’t move or interrupt. Selmak ticked the list off on Jacob’s fingers as he spoke. “Physical beauty, knowledge they wish to obtain, or pain they wish to cause others. Zipacna received all three in you, and his possession wasn’t even planned.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Daniel’s voice was muffled as he spoke into his arms. “That the Gould, who we all know have the worst taste in the galaxy, find me attractive? That I could have helped them destroy my world? That my weakness brought pain to those I consider to be family?”
“Your inability to see your attractiveness is most irritating, Dr. Jackson. If I were still in a female body—”
‘Sel!’
“Or if my current host were not so close-minded—”
‘This is not happening.’
“I’d be after you in a second.”
‘This is officially a nightmare. Get the hell out of my head, you lecherous old snake.’
‘Shut up, Jacob, I know what I’m doing.’
Daniel looked up and blinked at them, his mouth hanging open slightly. “I’m not sure whether to be flattered or frightened.”
‘Frightened. He should be frightened.’
“Be flattered. My taste has always been impeccable.” Selmak smiled in what he considered to be a reassuring manner, though Jacob figured it was probably just creeping Daniel out. Hell, it was creeping Jacob out, and it was his face.
Selmak continued his argument. “As for the other reasons a Goa’uld would want you as host, your knowledge of Tau’ri codes and defences is but the smallest part. You have the knowledge of hundreds of human cultures and their derivatives in your head, as well as literally dozens of languages. Not to mention the secrets of the Ancients that are, quite possibly, locked up in your subconscious.”
“Great, so my inability to keep Zipacna out of my thoughts could have destroyed far more than just my own world. Very reassuring, Selmak. Thanks.” Daniel lowered his head to rest on his crossed arms again.
‘Oh, good job, Sel. Clearly you know exactly what you’re doing.’
‘How is it he can so quickly twist my intent into more guilt?’
‘The quickly part is because he’s way smarter than us. The guilt part is because it’s what Daniel does best. Languages are a distant second.’
‘Smarter than you perhaps, human.’
‘Keep telling yourself that, symbiote.’
Selmak ignored the hit with what Jacob considered to be poor grace and turned his attention back to Daniel. “Your ability to cause pain to your friends as a host is due to the love and respect you’ve garnered from them because of the man you are, because of your strengths. Certainly not because of any weakness on your part. They know that you would never hurt them. Having to see you be forced to watch as Zipacna used your body to do so is what caused most of their pain.”
Daniel still didn’t move.
Selmak sighed, and tried again. “There is an attribute that the Goa’uld and even most Tok’ra try to avoid in their hosts. One that Zipacna found in abundance in you. Strength of will. A Goa’uld does not want to constantly battle for control. He wants a quick capitulation and endless submission. Zipacna’s view that nothing of the host survives might have been near true in the case of his previous host, especially if he was raised on a Goa’uld dominated world. You, on the other hand, would have been a new and shocking experience.” Selmak chuckled. “I have heard Colonel O’Neill comment several times that no one on your planet is more stubborn than you are.”
Daniel looked at them, and for a long moment, Jacob thought Selmak had managed to get his point across. But then his head thumped back into his arms. “Not stubborn enough.”
‘Okay, you’re done. My turn.’
‘And you’re going to do better?’
‘I’m not likely to do worse.’
Selmak retreated, letting Jacob take over. “Daniel, Zipacna is dead. You were strong enough to defeat him. That’s no small thing.”
Daniel shook his head on his arms. “The only reason I’m free now is that Sam came up with a way to disable him, Jack made it happen, and Teal’c took out the remaining guards. I didn’t do anything.”
“From what Jack tells me, you immediately took control once Zipacna was shocked. Most hosts would have been confused and disoriented. You took out your escort, disarmed yourself and arranged for the remaining Jaffa to be incapacitated by Teal’c.”
“And then I almost killed Sam.”
“No, you didn’t. Zipacna did that.” Jacob studied Daniel’s still closed body language for a moment. “What about here on the ship when Zipacna grabbed the gun?”
“That would be me nearly killing Jack.”
“Daniel, you saved his life. Jack might believe that Zipacna was a bad shot, but I saw his aim shift just as he fired. You did that, didn’t you? Moved his hand that inch to the right?”
“Not far enough.”
“Just far enough. Do you have any idea how much strength that took? Trust me. It’s next to impossible to keep a symbiote from doing exactly what it wants. I sometimes have a hard time with Selmak, and he’s Tok’ra.”
“Selmak does things you don’t agree with?”
“You think I choose to hit on archaeologists in my spare time? Male archaeologists? Male archaeologists that my daughter is in love with?”
He wasn’t sure, but Jacob thought he saw Daniel’s lip curl into a slight smile. But it disappeared again, almost instantly.
‘Did you see that?’ Selmak asked. ‘He loves her too.’
‘Yes, yes, you’re very insightful.’
“Jacob,” Daniel whispered. “He tried to rape her.”
Jacob tried to push back the sudden flood of rage welling in him. “He what?”
“It was my fault. He found my feelings for her and figured it would break me if he raped her. He was right. I think it would have.”
Red. Why had everything gone red?
‘Calm down, Jacob. The boy will think you’re angry at him.’
‘Angry doesn’t even begin to cover it. But not at him.’ Jacob took a few deep breaths and waited for Selmak to get his heart rate and adrenalin levels back under control. “What happened?”
“Sam was frightened. She fought, but...Zipacna was too strong for her. I—he kissed her, painfully, pulled her hair.” Daniel’s arms left his knees had wrapped tightly around his chest, though Jacob wasn’t sure if he was trying to comfort or suppress himself. “Her pain aroused him, aroused my body. Sam’s pain.” His chin lowered to his chest. “Oh God, what have I become?”
‘Jesus.’ Jacob wasn’t sure he wanted to hear this. “Daniel? You don’t have to do this.”
Daniel didn’t seem to hear him. “He pulled out a knife. I thought he was going to cut her, but he laughed in my head and said there was plenty of time for that later. He just sliced her shirt open. Then he wondered if he could crush her breast until she screamed. He wanted to feel her scream.” He shook his head in a denial that seemed to be directed inwards. “I couldn’t—I had to stop him.”
‘He stopped him?!’
“You stopped him?” Jacob echoed Selmak’s astonishment. “How’d you stop him?”
“Just had to.”
‘Jesus,’ Jacob repeated. He wasn’t sure if he’d said that out loud or not, though it didn’t much matter.
‘Reassure him, Jacob. Look at him, he’s shaking.’
Selmak was right. Daniel had curled in on himself, the muscles of his neck and shoulders so tight he was trembling. His eyes were screwed shut and his breathing was shallow and ragged.
Jacob risked putting a hand on Daniel’s shoulder, and felt the muscles under his fingers bunch even tighter. “Daniel, look at me.” There was no response. “Look at me.”
Slowly Daniel’s head lifted, and his red-rimmed eyes met Jacob’s. “There was nothing of you in what he did. Nothing he did, nothing he felt is your responsibility or your fault. The only thing you did was fight him, and you did that damn well. Far better than I ever believed was possible.”
The pain in Daniel’s eyes lessened slightly, but not nearly enough. “I almost killed Sam,” he whispered. “Almost killed Jack.”
“You saved Jack. He’s fine. A bit cranky and very worried about you, but he’s fine. And Sam...” Jacob took a deep breath before continuing. “Daniel, I have always liked you. I’ve always thought you’d be a good match for Sam. You’re her intellectual equal, you make her laugh, you’re kind to her, and you’re strong enough to protect her, even if she would never accept that protection. But now I—”
Daniel turned his face away. “It’s all right. I don’t blame you for not trusting me with her. I don’t even trust myself. I’ll stay away.”
‘Surely he’s misunderstanding on purpose?’ Selmak complained.
Jacob ignored him and instead grabbed hold of Daniel’s jaw, turning his head back towards them. “There is no one I would trust with Sam more than you. Do you hear me? All that’s happened only proves to me that you are even stronger and better for her than I thought. I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than for you to be with my daughter.”
“How can you mean that?”
“Just trust that I do.” He let go of Daniel’s jaw and patted his cheek before resting a hand on his shoulder. “Sammy’s my little girl. I’d kill to protect her. But I don’t need to protect her from you. You’d be good for her, Daniel.”
Daniel studied him for a long moment in silence.
Jacob chuckled as another thought struck him. “Actually, when it comes down to it, it won’t matter what I want, or even what your guilt complex thinks she needs. Once Sam knows you love her, there’ll be nothing in this galaxy that’ll keep her away from you for long. She’s a stubborn woman, my daughter.”
To Jacob’s relief, Daniel hesitated for only a moment before he gave a tight smile. “She is, isn’t she?”
‘I wonder where she learned that from.’
‘Oh, lay off. She’ll need it if she’s going to deal with Daniel Jackson for the rest of her life.’ Jacob smiled back at Daniel.“Selmak says that’s my fault.”
“You really trust me with Sam?”
“Without hesitation.”
Slowly, Daniel nodded.
Jacob squeezed his shoulder. “It’s hard now, but it’ll get better. If it remains too difficult to deal with, the Tok’ra have means of helping you suppress the memories, but it would be much better in the long run if you can deal with them yourself.”
Daniel nodded again, and then unwound himself enough to rest his arms and head on his knees again. He took a deep breath. “I can do this.”
“I know you can.” Jacob hesitated, not wanting to send Daniel back into his self-loathing, but needing to know an answer. “I’m sorry, I have to ask this. Can you tell me what happened to Hanyah, the Tok’ra operative? Obviously Zipacna captured her, but if she’s still alive...”
“She’s not. He learned what he could from her, which wasn’t much, and then he executed her. He didn’t want Anubis finding out he’d allowed a spy onto the base.”
Hanyah, along with her host Vhen, had been a friend of Saroosh, and though Jacob hadn’t shared the friendship, he did share Selmak’s grief at the loss of a connection to his former and much loved host. ‘I’m sorry, Sel.’
He felt his symbiote accept his condolences, but anything further fled from his mind as a thought struck him. “Daniel, he didn’t force you to..?”
Daniel shook his head. “No. Thankfully she was already dead before— before we arrived.” He paused. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean I’m grateful she’s dead. Just...”
“That you didn’t have to be the one to kill her.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s okay. I’m glad you didn’t either.”
‘It’s time for us to go check on the flight controls, I think,’ Selmak said.
‘What are you talking about? Teal’c’s got them. Daniel shouldn’t be left— Oh.’ Jacob noticed Sam standing nervously just inside the room. He got up and went to the door, patting her shoulder before giving her a nudge towards her friend. He watched long enough to see his daughter gather Daniel up in her arms and soothe him as he finally broke and let his tears and emotions flow. Then Jacob palmed the door closed.
‘He’ll be fine eventually,’ Selmak observed.
‘They both will be.’
‘We do good work.’
‘We?’
‘We.’
Jacob sighed and headed back to the control chair, smiling reassuringly at Jack and Teal’c. ‘Fine. We.’