CHAPTER SEVEN
Jack grimaced at the ungodly scream Zipacna gave as the hammer device flared to life. The echoing timbre seemed to go on and on as Teal’c held Zipacna in the device until it was clear the Goa’uld was no longer capable of escape. Daniel’s body spasmed within the archway, and Jack fought the urge to close his eyes against the sight. This needed to happen, and it would be over soon. Very soon. Any second now.
Eventually, the distortion of Zipacna’s presence in Daniel’s voice vanished, yet Daniel continued to scream. All three other members of SG-1 stepped forward. Jack resisted his instinct to tackle his friend and knock him out of the device; he didn’t dare until he was certain that Zipacna was gone for good. Carter and Teal’c seemed to be fighting similar battles with themselves.
Then the device abruptly cut off and Daniel crumpled to a heap on the floor. Jack and Carter pulled him out of the archway, laying him down on the floor of the hallway beyond. They both knelt beside him, with Teal’c standing guard over them all.
“Daniel?” Jack called, leaning over his friend. “C’mon, answer me.”
He was rewarded with a faint groan, and Daniel’s head lolled towards him. “J'ck?”
“Yeah. I need you to wake up now and talk to me.”
There was no response. Carter leaned over and put a hand to Daniel’s cheek, turning his head towards her. “Daniel? Please wake up. Daniel?”
Blue eyes were slowly revealed as Daniel dragged his eyelids open. “Hey.”
She smiled. “Hey, yourself. How are you feeling?”
Daniel frowned, his brow furrowing in confusion or pain, Jack wasn’t sure which. “Gone?’
Jack squeezed Daniel’s shoulder. “Yeah, buddy. He’s gone. We’ll have Jacob do whatever tests he needs to do to make sure, but you can bet Thor and his buddies did a thorough job of the whole thing.”
Daniel nodded, then squeezed his eyes shut. “It hurts.”
“I bet it does.” Jack slipped his knife out of its holder and sliced through Daniel’s restraints, revealing torn, bleeding wounds where Zipacna had fought against his bonds. Daniel immediately brought a hand to his face to try to comfort what was no doubt a monster of a headache. Jack put the knife away and sighed. “Go back to sleep, Daniel. I’m sure Teal’c won’t mind carrying you back to the ship. You could use the rest.”
“Indeed.” Teal’c was looking down at Daniel with an almost paternal gaze, Jack thought. This had been hard on all of them. “I am honoured to assist you, Daniel Jackson.”
“No, I can walk.”
Sure he could. That’s why he was lying there looking so convincingly like he wanted his head to just explode and get it over with. “Daniel—”
“Just give me a few minutes to rest and then I’ll walk back myself.”
“Daniel, you’ve been through a hell of an ordeal. Relax and let us get you back to the ship.”
“No!”
Jack and Carter both pulled back slightly, startled by the strength of the response. They exchanged a glance, and for a moment Jack wondered if Zipacna had really been cleared out for good.
Daniel lowered the hand that had been pressed to his forehead. His eyes opened and he met Jack’s gaze. “Please. I need to walk out of here under my own power and of my own free will.”
Oh. That was— that made sense. Jack nodded. “Okay, Daniel. You let us know when you’re ready.” He rested his hand on his friend’s shoulder, trying to give him whatever support he needed. Carter picked up Daniel’s hand in hers, clutching it to her chest as if afraid to let go. And Teal’c stood watch over them, studiously trying to avoid the appearance of hovering and not fooling Jack for a second.
The walk back to the rings was shorter than Jack had expected. Apparently, when putting this Hammer together, Thor had decided to make the whole thing a lot more efficient and convenient than the one on Cimmeria. They’d barely made it out of the exit hall and cave structure when they were confronted with another pillar. It scanned them as the first one had and then transported them back to its twin near the rings and what remained of the gate. You had to love Asgard technology. The little guys seemed to really hate walking. Must be the short legs.
Daniel walked slowly with both Carter and Teal’c close by his side. Jack figured Carter needed to be close to him to reassure herself of his presence, and Teal’c stayed close to make sure Daniel didn’t injure himself if he fell. Jack felt both urges keenly, but forced himself to stay apart. Someone had to be alert. And he was pretty sure that Daniel would want some space when he was a bit more settled.
It was a little disconcerting to see Daniel walk by the structures left by both the Asgard and what Jack assumed were the natives of this planet without so much of a trace of interest. Carter kept the archaeologist from bumping into a panel covered in a writing style that Jack was almost certain they had not come across before. Daniel paused when Carter pulled him to a halt in front of it. His eyes flicked over the carvings. Then he turned away and followed Teal’c to the rings. No interest. No protest. Nothing. It was surreal. Jack hated it.
The four of them stepped onto the ring platform, and Jack radioed up to the ship. They reappeared in the safety of the cargo hold. Jack let out a sigh. Mission still unaccomplished, but now his team were all safe. Definitely not unscathed, he noticed as he watched Daniel stare almost blankly at nothing Jack could see, but safe.
Jacob tapped a few controls on the console, then strode over to them. “Daniel?”
Daniel seemed to make an effort to draw himself out of his daze. “Hey, Jacob.”
Jacob brought his healing device up and held it briefly behind Daniel’s head. Then he smiled. “You are now officially Goa’uld free.” The wave of relief that Jack felt at the news was somewhat quashed when Daniel didn’t appear remotely relieved himself. Jacob apparently noticed the lack of reaction too. “Daniel? Are you okay?”
Jack was half hoping for and half dreading the inevitable ‘I’m fine’ but he didn’t hear it. Instead Daniel stared at Jacob for several seconds before looking away again, his eyes losing focus. He didn’t move, didn’t try to sit down. He just looked...lost.
Jack glanced at the others. Teal’c’s concern was almost palpable, easily seen in his angled head and clenched jaw. Jacob’s lips were pursed, and he appeared to be trying to force what was wrong with Daniel out with the strength of his gaze. Carter looked like she wanted to throw herself into mothering Daniel back to mental health while simultaneously beating the crap out of the being that did this to him. Given that Daniel looked like he was in dire need of mothering, and that the object of her ire was already quite clearly dead, it seemed best to let her deal with Daniel’s current state.
And with the new revelations of the feelings his kids had for one another, it might be best to let them have some privacy. Comfort after traumatic events could take many forms, and as much as Jack didn’t really want to think about it so soon, he wouldn’t begrudge them if they chose one of the more intimate methods.
Jack gestured towards the bridge with a nod and both Teal’c and Jacob followed him. He glanced back at Carter and saw her smiled thanks. Then he palmed the door shut.
“I think it’s time to go home, Jacob.”
The Tok’ra stared at the closed cargo bay door for a few more seconds before nodding. “Way past time, I’d say.” He sat down at the helm and the ship soon entered hyperspace.
Jack sat down on the floor, unsurprised when Teal’c sat down next to him. Neither said anything; they simply waited in companionable silence, just as SG-1 always did when one of their own was healing.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Sam watched Daniel for a few minutes after the others left. He stood before her, staring vacantly at nothing in particular. She’d never seen him so distant. It was painful to watch in someone as normally passionate and alive as Daniel.
Wait. It had been a long time ago, but she did remember a time he’d been in a similar condition. She had found him sitting on Hathor’s bed, the disarray of the sheets and his clothes telling her exactly what had happened to him. He’d been completely unresponsive. Catatonic. She couldn’t let him get to that state again.
She cupped a hand on either side of his face, gently turning his head in her direction. “Daniel, look at me.” She didn’t have high hopes of being obeyed, so when his eyes slowly focused on hers she was both surprised and relieved. She hadn’t been able to get through to him after Hathor, but back then they’d barely known each other. She had years of familiarity and friendship to lean on now.
But now that Sam had his attention, she realized she had no idea what to say to him. That she understood? She didn’t. She couldn’t. Her experience with Jolinar was a far cry from this. That she forgave him? There was nothing to forgive. He’d done nothing wrong. That everything would be okay? She didn’t know if that was true, and she couldn’t bring herself to lie to him. Not now.
Daniel continued to stare into her eyes, not searching as he normally would, not even really seeing, she didn’t think. His expression was shuttered, completely closed off, which in Daniel’s case was all too easy to decipher. The only time she couldn’t immediately see what he was feeling was when he was in pain, either physically or emotionally. She had to do something, say something to help him.
No words would come. Her hands were still cupping his cheeks, and she dropped her gaze to his lips, gently running her thumb over them. She didn’t really have to say anything, she thought. He loved her. She would be able to bring him back without saying anything. Sam pulled his head down to hers and tenderly kissed him, holding back, making sure he had the chance to set the pace or pull away. She didn’t want to frighten him, or to take anything he wasn’t willing to give.
Too late, she realized that the tentativeness of her kiss might be misunderstood entirely. Daniel pulled away from her.
“I don’t need your pity, Sam. You don’t want this.”
At least he was speaking to her. “You don’t have my pity, Daniel. You have my sympathy. You know there’s a difference. If you don’t want to that’s fine; I won’t do anything you don’t want. But don’t you think for a moment that I would do this if I didn’t want to.”
“Are you sure?” His eyes were guarded, but she could see the hope in them.
She smiled, and tried to let him see just she how sure she was. “Very.”
Daniel’s arms came around her and he pulled her roughly into his chest. His lips came down on hers with crushing intensity, paining her where Zipacna had cut her earlier, but not in any way that made her want him to stop. Daniel’s hand cradled the back of her neck and he tilted her head to a better angle, deepening the kiss. His tongue plunged into her mouth, searching it frantically, and Sam felt her back arch at the sensation.
Sam ran her fingers over the planes of Daniel’s face, then tangled them in his hair and dragged him closer to her. The hand he had at her neck trailed down her arm and over her body, caressing her hip before slowly making its way back up to cup her breast. His thumb glided over her nipple, and she moaned into his mouth, feeling more than hearing him echo it. His other arm tightened at her lower back, pulling her even closer, and she could clearly feel how much he wanted her.
Daniel’s lips travelled away from hers and across her jaw, trailing warmth to a spot behind Sam’s ear, and then down her neck. He pulled her T-shirt out of her pants and smoothed a hand inside and up her back, leaving fiery trails where his fingers touched her bare skin. His lips captured hers again, hungry and demanding.
Sam’s fingers fumbled at the fastenings of his ridiculous leather shirt, and she pulled back slightly, trying to see how the damn thing came undone. Daniel voiced a wordless protest at even that temporary separation and pulled her back to him. “I will have all I desire in time,” he murmured against her lips.
She didn’t quite understand what he meant, but it didn’t matter, not when he needed her so badly. Not when she needed him almost as much. But suddenly his lips froze, and his hands stilled under her shirt.
And then Daniel shoved himself away from her. He stumbled back several steps, bumping into the wall behind him. Almost instantly, he slid down to sit at the base of it, curling his legs to his chest and pressing his palms into his temples. He squeezed his eyes shut.
Sam felt the tenuous hold she’d tried to pull him back with vanish. He was lost again, though she wasn’t sure how it had happened. She pushed back the desire that had been building in her with effort and knelt down beside him, putting a hesitant hand on his knee. “Daniel?”
“No!” He flinched away from her, and she quickly drew her hand back.
“Okay. I won’t touch you. But please talk to me. What happened? What’s wrong?”
He drew in a shuddering breath, but didn’t open his eyes, or relax the rigidity of his posture at all. “I don’t know if I’m still me. I have his memories, his feelings inside me, and I don’t know if I can still be me.”
You can recognize his thoughts by the fact that he’s an evil, manipulative bastard still playing with you even after he’s dead, Sam thought. Whereas you’re a kind-hearted, gentle man who didn’t abandon us even when you were dead.
What she said was “Am I still me?”
“What?” His voice was almost strangled, like she’d thrown aside his concern and said something he found completely unrelated. His hands came away from his face and he wrapped his arms tightly around his chest. She had to make him see what was so clear to her. That he was still himself.
“I have fragmented memories of Jolinar’s life, her emotions, her ideals. I can’t even think of Martouf without remembering what it felt like for her to hold him. Does that mean I’m not me anymore? That I haven’t been me in years?”
He shook his head. “Not the same. Jolinar wasn’t the polar opposite of everything you believe. Her thoughts aren’t telling you to hurt your friends. No voice in your head is telling you that everyone should be cowering before you.” Daniel snorted softly. “God, listen to me. MacKenzie’s going to love this. I’ll be stuck in a little white room and pumped full of pharmacofun.”
Over my dead body, and definitely over the Colonel’s and Teal’c’s too. Not to mention Janet’s. “That won’t happen.”
“Maybe it should. I’ve seen this one before, Sam. Shifu showed it to me. It might be better for everyone if they did lock me up.”
“It would never be necessary to lock you up.” Sam reached out and put her hand on his knee again, this time ignoring his flinch. She could feel his body trembling under her fingers. “Daniel, I love you.”
He looked up at her finally and brought his right hand to her face, cupping her cheek in his palm. “I know. That’s why I need you to go.”
She shook her head. “You’d never hurt me.”
His fingers trailed down her face in an intimate caress, his thumb tracing the line of her jaw before his hand slid down her neck. Sam realized too late what he was doing. She could feel his fingers lining up with the tender bruises on her throat. The bruises that she knew he was matching in size and shape to his hand. “I already have,” he whispered.
“Daniel, no. That wasn’t—”
“Please, Sam, I need you to go.” He drew his hand back and crossed his arms on his knees, dropping his head to rest on his forearms. “Please go.”
“Daniel—”
“Go!”
Sam jumped at his shout and stared at him, blinking back tears. She’d been so sure she could reach him, but she hadn’t taken into account his infuriating need to protect everyone around him, especially from himself. She didn’t want to leave, didn’t want him to be alone, but no one would reach him while he was so closed off. She nodded, finally, then realized he couldn’t see the action. “Okay, I’ll leave. But I’ll just be in the next room.” She squeezed his knee one more time, trying not to notice the way he turned away from the contact. Then she reluctantly got up and left the hold.
Colonel O’Neill and Teal’c looked up from the card game they were playing as she entered the control room. Her father turned from the helm to greet her too.
“That was fast, Carter. I figured you two would have a lot more to ‘talk’ about, if you know what I...” The Colonel’s teasing trailed off as his eyes met hers. “Carter? What’s wrong?” He dropped the cards he’d been holding and stood up, walking towards the cargo bay. “Is it Daniel? Is he all right? What happened? I’ll go talk to him.”
She caught his arm as he brushed past her. “Don’t, sir.”
He looked down at her, clearly not understanding. “Why not? What’s going on?”
Sam closed her eyes. “He’s confused and angry, and feeling guilty for everything that Zipacna did. You won’t get through to him for the same reason I couldn’t. He cares too much for you, and that bastard used him to hurt you. I think he needs to work through some things for himself before he can face us.”
Teal’c got up off the floor. “I shall speak to him. He will listen to what I say.”
She shook her head. “No, Teal’c, I don’t think he will. He hurt you too. He won’t accept any of us until he’s sure he won’t do it again.”
The Colonel snorted. “That’s ridiculous. Of course he won’t do it again. He’s Daniel.”
“I know that, sir. The problem is he doesn’t.”
The three of them were silent for a long moment. Sam knew the Colonel and Teal’c wouldn’t be able to accept just leaving Daniel alone. She wasn’t sure it was such a good idea either; she just couldn’t think how to get around it.
“Teal’c, come take over the controls,” her father said. “I’ll go talk to him.”
Sam opened her eyes and looked over at him. “Dad...”
“It’s gotta be me, kiddo. Zipacna did nothing to me except piss me off. And I think I’m in a better position than any of you to help him sort through what is him and what was Zipacna.”
Sam thought about it for a second and then nodded. Teal’c slid into the pilot seat as her father vacated it. Jacob stopped to give her a quick hug and a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll talk him around, Sam, and if I can’t, then Selmak will give it a try.”
Sam let Colonel O’Neill lead her over to where the card game had been abandoned. She thought for a minute that he was going to suggest that they play, but he just swept the cards aside and sat down with her against the wall. And when she couldn’t hold back her tears anymore, he put a comforting hand on her shoulder and let her cry.