I own neither Stargate nor the X-COM franchise. No infringement is intended, no profit is to be made and I'm just not worth the hassle of suing anyway unless you want a share of the wages of an underpaid Civil Servant.
Cheyenne Mountain – Earth – June 2002
Sitting at his desk across from Commander Sharp General Hammond finished reading the preliminary plan Maybourne had concocted and closed the file slowly. ‘The man should have gone into law or politics’ he said.
‘I think we’re all grateful he didn’t’ Sharp replied. ‘You know if this works Anubis is going to be pissed’ he said meaningfully.
‘Not just Anubis’ Hammond pointed out. ‘It’s a good thing the Goa’uld are too mutually distrustful and far too busy fighting each other already to collectively retaliate.’
‘If you’re going to kick somebody up the ass make sure they’re already caught up in a fight they can’t turn their back on’ Sharp observed. ‘It might not be sporting but this isn’t a game’ he continued, ‘and anyway it’s funny’ he added with a chuckle.
Hammond smiled, there was a certain satisfaction to be had at yanking the chains of the System Lord’s even if he personally thought that some of his staff, Colonel O’Neill, for example, enjoyed it a little more than was healthy. ‘I assume you read the request the Tollan made to us via Ambassador Faxon?’ he asked.
Sharp nodded. ‘Plus Faxon’s own notes on the situation on Tollana’ he confirmed. ‘The Curia are shitting themselves at the news that there’s even one Goa’uld System Lord with shields that are likely just as able to stop their Ion Cannon fire as they are Asgard shield-piercing weaponry’ he said. ‘The general population is demanding their government do something and unfortunately for them we’re the only game in town’ he said. ‘The Tollan know we’ve back-engineered the main guns from the Enterprise with Tok’ra help, and they know that even older Goa’uld weapon designs work against Anubis built Ha’taks because Apophis managed to take a few down before he got his own new ships’ the Commander continued, ‘until they can come up with an Ion Cannon design with a lot more punch behind it they want our plans for Ha’tak weaponry.’
‘And we’re going to give it to them’ Hammond replied, ‘without payment?’ he queried. ‘That threw me I’ve got to admit Russ’ the General told him, it wasn’t exactly the usual X-COM way of doing things.
‘Without payment now’ Sharp corrected Hammond. ‘They get the plans for an effective weapon they can retrofit to their cruisers, and maybe emplace a few on the ground around their capital city’ he said. ‘We get the plans for their Heavy Ion Cannon when they’ve got them’ he said.
‘Heavy Ion Cannon?’ Hammond repeated quizzically.
‘Apparently just scaling up their existing design wouldn’t work for some reason, but basically the Tollan are just going to go back to the drawing board and make something that’s got at least a hundred times as much power behind it’ Sharp explained, ‘they’ve got the science and engineering to do it they just never bothered because what they already had worked for centuries’ he said. ‘The basic idea is that any shield it can’t penetrate it’ll batter down just like the Goa’uld do it.’
‘Not exactly typical Tollan thinking’ Hammond observed.
‘Our military attaché on Tollana pointed out the benefits of thinking like unsophisticated barbarians’ Sharp replied wryly. ‘The Tollan think we’re primitive but like the Asgard they’re starting to realise that it’s our low-tech, brute-force methods that still get the job done when their high-tech fails’ he said. ‘Reliability fades with complexity after all.’
‘Having a permanent presence on Tollana helps our relations’ Hammond pointed out, ‘I know Ambassador Faxon has been leading a charm offensive, getting to know the people worth knowing in the Curia and the media, they’ve got political discussion shows on their equivalents of C-SPAN and CNN, they often invite him on to give his opinions on galactic events which are more pressing on the Tollan as they emerge from centuries of isolation’ he said. ‘He’s even persuaded some of the Embassy Staff to visit schools and answer questions from Tollan children.’
‘Hearts and minds’ Sharp said with a smile, ‘the kids go home and tell their parents that the knuckle-draggers from Earth aren’t that bad really.’
Hammond nodded and grinned. ‘We might get a trade deal out of it too’ he said. ‘After making sure they didn’t have to worry about allergies someone gave out chocolate to the kids, our Trade Representative found himself with several entrepreneur parents trying to make deals and requesting importation rights from the Curia’ he said. ‘I can imagine how my grandchildren would have been if they’d never tasted chocolate before’ he continued. ‘The Tollan probably thought we’d put a narcotic into the stuff at first’ the General declared with a chuckle.
Sharp smiled in response and then looked thoughtful. ‘Spices’ he said randomly. ‘They might not want our manufactured goods, they keep telling us so, but they might be interested in spices, that’s how the first big global trading companies started out’ he remembered from the last few minutes of a documentary he’d watched on the Discovery Channel once waiting for a show about Hannibal. ‘A few crates of spices would go a long way, the Tollan population isn’t huge, we could corner the market there’ he said. ‘Build up a trade relationship to help break down their isolationist instincts a little more.’
‘Commodore Perry opened Japan up to trade and less than a hundred years later the United States was at war with them’ Hammond pointed out. ‘If the Tollan had been more like us then we might have seen their warships over Earth years ago.’
‘If the Tollan were more like us, the Goa’uld would have been wiped out years ago’ Sharp responded flatly. ‘And Perry opened up Japan to the outside world with the power of the United States Navy’ he noted, ‘we’re helping protect Tollana from warships, not threatening them with some’ he continued. ‘If it was the Aschen we were talking about I’d think differently, those people creep me the hell out and I like the fact they’re bottled up’ he declared, ‘but the Tollan? It’s a damn good thing that they might be heading towards the stage where they step up and take a role in the galaxy’ he said. ‘With their technology, and our ways of doing things, humanity will prosper.’
‘The Tollan as the Athens to our Rome?’ Hammond suggested, Sharp wasn’t the only one who liked documentary channels although their tastes in sports broadcasts differed.
‘A small advanced democratic city-state with the technology and science but not the population, drive and resources to dominate the known world, or galaxy, supplanted by a power that does have the last three?’ Sharp replied. ‘Sounds a pretty reasonable analogy to me now I think about it’ he said.
‘And when Earth, sorry I should probably say Terra if we’re going with the Roman theme, is victorious over the Sectoids and the Goa’uld?’ Hammond queried.
‘Vae victis’ Sharp quoted in Latin. ‘Woe to the vanquished’ he translated.
The Ascended Ancients watching the conversation were very pleased that their plans were coming to fruition. Their meddling with human DNA had produced exactly the results they were after and the self-aware biological weapons made in their own image were even better than they could have hoped for. Ascended Newcomer Daniel Jackson was somewhat less enthused but they reasoned his hostility and bitterness over the situation was largely down to the fact that as one of the biological weapons, albeit more advanced than most apparently, he was bound to be more aggressive, belligerent and antagonistic than a regular Alteran.
For his part Daniel had already decided that with a few exceptions the Ancients were self-interested arrogant jerks with little sense of personal responsibility for the state they had left the universe in when they ascended. They talked of non-interference like it was noble instead of moral cowardice, they spent their time philosophising on trivial matters instead of doing anything remotely constructive. The majority treated him like a second-class citizen at best, because he wasn’t truly one of them and needed Oma’s help to ascend, and he suspected that the only reason they seemed to watch Earth with interest, or “Terra” as they called it in their own language, a precursor of Latin, was because they expected their meddled with “second evolution of our form” was going to get them a measure of vengeance on the enemies they had faced before they ran away from corporeal existence. The only positive Daniel could see there was that it meant they were still “human” enough to be petty which meant he might be able to talk a few more of them into helping out by holding up the carrot of screwing over the bitterly remembered “Ori” and “Wraith” a bit more, whoever the hell they were, nobody had bothered to explain properly yet.
Oh well, at least he could get a decent cup of coffee and a good slice of pie at the diner Oma had created from his memories. A sympathetic and unbelievably hot female ancient named Athar had dropped in yesterday to say hello, hopefully she’d accept his invite come back today too. Apparently lots of the others wouldn’t talk to her either because of a past transgression so she had enjoyed the company as well it seemed. For Daniel it had been a nice change from Orlin gushing over how much he liked Sam anyway, it seemed you could never be too many millennia old to have a schoolboy crush and Daniel was only grateful he was in no position to pass on a note in class.
Area 51 – Earth – June 2002
‘I can’t believe she sat there, cut up his steak for him and expected to only eat whatever he left on his tray’ Major Carter remarked as the four members of SG-1 stepped off the Aschen Transporter platform which had taken them from the SGC to Area 51 in an instant. The Aschen had supplied a dozen of the things so far in return for Tau’ri back-engineered goa’uld shields and weaponry and they certainly made getting around a lot quicker. Each of the eight X-COM bases worldwide, plus the SGC, Area 51 and Yamantau now had one with the last in storage waiting for detailed examination along with numerous other items of alien technology.
‘I guess that’s what she considers the right thing to do?’ Colonel O’Neill supposed. ‘Even when Maybourne put a tray of food in front of her and told her to eat it she wouldn’t at first in case he wanted seconds’ he said. ‘The last thing he needs is seconds, I hope Doctor Fraser ordered him to drop a few pounds after she gave him a physical’ O’Neill added.
They all showed their ID’s to the guards waiting by the transporter platform, redundantly considering the only places they could have arrived from were just as Top Secret and secure as Area 51 anyway, and headed down the corridor towards the Research and Development Laboratories. ‘The girl seems quite attached to Maybourne’ Andianov remarked.
‘She probably thinks that she’ll be sold on to someone else if she doesn’t make a show of it’ Carter responded with a sigh.
‘Given that unlike her prior owners Maybourne does not it seem starve her, or abuse her physically or sexually, her attitude is understandable’ Teal’c reasoned. ‘She likely believes that her servitude to Maybourne is as good a life as she can expect to lead and fears losing what she has.’
‘Hey we all tried explaining that she was free, even Harry’ O’Neill pointed out, ‘she wasn’t buying it’ he said. ‘I don’t know if she was pretending to be fond of him or not but it seemed genuine.’
‘Human slaves of the Goa’uld often become highly attached to their masters’ Teal’c noted.
‘Maybourne masqueraded as a trader not a god Teal’c’ O’Neill replied.
‘Nevertheless a small kindness can lead to devotion’ Teal’c told him. ‘A trusted slave granted better conditions than his peers will often become sycophantic’ he said. ‘I have seen many Lo’taur behave as this Aikaterina does’ he told them.
‘Serf’s in my own countries history were often highly loyal to the Tsarist aristocracy that in fact severely oppressed them’ Andianov interjected. ‘Many simply accept their place in society’ she continued. ‘Marx considered the peasantry as a group conservative at best, reactionary at worst’ she noted. ‘Revolutionary thought and action comes mainly from the middle-class bourgeoisie.’
‘You’re never going to lose all that commie brainwashing completely are you Sergeant?’ O’Neill replied with a smile.
‘It is deeply ingrained Comrade-Colonel’ Andianov replied deadpan as they arrived at their destination, O’Neill opening the tall double-doors to the lab and going through first followed by Carter. ‘Holy Crap!’ he exclaimed as an eight foot tall armoured behemoth lunged at him.
‘Jennifer please refrain from doing that to everyone that walks in’ Zelenka chided the bulky suit of armour, appearing from behind it. ‘Colonel O’Neill, Samantha welcome back to Area 51’ he greeted them. ‘Teal’c, Sergeant’ he added. ‘I was sorry to hear of the lost of Daniel Jackson’ he told the rest of SG-1.
‘He’s not lost, lost’ O’Neill replied, ‘we just don’t know where he is’ he said before his eyes widened and he fixed his gaze on the suit. ‘Jennifer?’ he repeated loudly.
A face plate slid up on the head on the thing and a familiar face appeared. ‘Colonel O’Neill’ it greeted him, trying to keep a straight face.
‘Cadet Hailey’ O’Neill responded, narrowing his eyes.
‘Lieutenant Hailey Sir’ the girl replied. ‘I just graduated the Airforce Academy this month’ she told him. ‘Immediately assigned to Area 51 until I can get a transfer sorted out to the SGC’ she told him brightly.
‘Jennifer has been helping with our ongoing Powered Armour project’ Zelenka told SG-1. ‘Her knowledge of both military matters and physics has already been a godsend’ he announced.
‘And for the first time of my life... I’m tall!’ Lieutenant Hailey declared with a grin, taking a step backwards so they could get a good look.
‘Okay, I admit it’ O’Neill began. ‘I’m officially impressed’ he told Zelenka looking the suit of Powered Armour over.
‘Two and a half centimetres of laminated armour’ Zelenka explained, pointing at the suit, ‘Trinium-Titanium alloy like the SGC Iris over advanced ceramics and sectoid alloys’ he enthused. ‘Stop a Heavy Plasma bolt or a Staff-Cannon blast’ he told them happily. ‘Naquadah powerplant that allows for weeks of continual use, drastically enhanced physical strength, sealed against Nuclear, Biological and Chemical warfare environmental hazards it can also be safely used in the vacuum of space’ he continued, ‘plus it includes a full suite of sensors with a head-up display.’
‘It projects targeting data onto the inside of the helmet visor like in an F-302’ Hailey told them. ‘You’ve got night-vision plus zoom’ she added.
‘Can it fly?’ O’Neill joked.
‘Not this model but the follow-up design will include an auxiliary elerium powerplant that gives limited flight ability’ Zelenka replied seriously. ‘You will be able to take off and hover in the air for a restricted time, perhaps twenty or thirty minutes of use before the elerium fuel-cell is exhausted’ he said.
Colonel O’Neill looked at the Czech scientist incredulously ‘You’re kidding?’ he asked.
‘No’ Zelenka denied. ‘A planned third model will also include both a personal force field and cloaking device running off the naquadah reactor but that may be unavailable for at least eighteen months or so’ he told him. ‘The team working on the personal force-field function of the hand device recovered from Marduk’s ziggurat are currently both stretched by other projects and underfunded so it may be longer than that however’ he said regretfully.
‘How easy is it to use Lieutenant?’ Andianov asked Lieutenant Hailey.
‘It takes a lot of practice not to smash everything to pieces when you walk around a room’ Hailey replied. ‘And I still can’t pick up an orange without it exploding so best not shake hands’ she continued. ‘The servo’s give me plenty of power, I can run and jump in this thing and there’s cracks in the concrete floor to prove the latter, but fine control isn’t happening’ she said regretfully.
‘We don’t want these things to play nice with the enemy Lieutenant’ O’Neill responded, ‘we want these things to put the hurt on them with’ he said.
‘Oh they’ll do that Sir’ Hailey replied, outstretching a hand and picking up a thick steel bar which she then bent effortlessly in both hands ‘It’s like wearing a mighty-malp’ she said.
Carter smiled at the young officers enthusiasm. ‘It’s amazing you’ve got the project this far so fast’ she told Zelenka.
Zelenka shrugged. ‘Much of the preliminary work was already underway when it was shelved in favour of the F-302 program’ he said. ‘We merely dusted off the initial research, upgraded what was there with more recent advances made in other fields and here we have it’ he said. ‘Examination of the cybernetics of both the Altairan androids and the remains of so-called Sectopod robots we have occasionally encountered operating with Loki’s Ethereals on larger ships, helped perfect the design’ he noted.
‘So when are we getting them?’ O’Neill wanted to know.
‘Now that the prototype is nearing the end of it’s testing the first production units are due to start coming off the line next month but they are already assigned to the sectoid war’ Zelenka told him apologetically. ‘Muton’s are considered a more serious threat to our soldiers in the field than Jaffa’ he explained. ‘It may be a while before the SGC is equipped with our Powered Armour suits.’
O’Neill put a friendly hand on Zelenka’s shoulder and leaned in. ‘How about one accidentally gets left off a manifest and delivered to the wrong base, or is maybe deliberately sent to the SGC for special testing?’ he suggested quietly.
‘Special testing in what?’ Zelenka queried, narrowing his eyes.
‘Help me out here Major’ O’Neill requested, he hadn't thought that far ahead.
‘Extremely harsh environments we don’t get on Earth’ Carter thought up quickly. ‘Like... the heat on P9Q-281’ she said, trying to think of an appropriate planet, ‘or the extreme cold on KS7-535.’
‘Extreme cold’ O’Neill repeated sagely, nodding his head.
‘The SGC sends operations to planets with toxic atmospheres, sometimes no atmosphere, all the time’ Carter pointed out.
‘No atmosphere’ O’Neill repeated her again in a serious tone.
‘The prototype is nearly done with testing here’ Lieutenant Hailey noted. ‘It could probably do with a few weeks field testing too’ she said, ‘of course the SGC would need somebody that could show them how to use and maintain it’ she added sweetly.
‘Somebody that coincidentally wants a transfer to the SGC perhaps?’ O’Neill responded.
‘Works out well for all concerned’ Hailey replied, ‘I mean hypothetically’ she added.
‘Except what exactly do I get out of this given that it would be me signing the documentation?’ Zelenka asked.
‘Well I’ve got some pull in the Airforce, I know some people, can call in a few favours, how would you like a chance to head up the X-COM personnel assigned to the Prometheus project?’ O’Neill asked.
‘McKay is already spoken of as being given that job’ Zelenka replied.
‘Ah but McKay isn’t well liked by, well lets face it, by pretty much anyone that’s ever met him’ O’Neill responded. ‘Factor in some positive waves about a Doctor Radek Zelenka coming from the USAF side and things could very well go your way.’
‘McKay would be livid’ Zelenka said. ‘It is a highly prestigious program to be on, let alone head-up’ he continued. ‘Perhaps it would teach him humility’ he pondered, ‘it would be good for him’ he opined.
‘Character building for him, career building for you, everyone’s a winner’ O’Neill declared.
‘Field testing for the Powered Armour prototype in hostile environments’ Zelenka said, ‘a totally logical next step don’t you agree Jennifer’ he asked the young officer in the armoured suit.
‘Totally the way to go’ Lieutenant Hailey agreed wholeheartedly.
‘General Hammond asked us to check up on Jonas before the lecture Sir’ Carter reminded her commanding officer.
‘Right’ O’Neill agreed, ‘we’ll be back later’ he told Zelenka. ‘Lieutenant if you can get out of that thing you’re welcome to join us in the good seats for the lecture.’
‘The good seats Sir?’ Hailey asked.
‘Major Carter will be at the front asking questions you can have my seat next to her, I’ll be at the back trying not to fall asleep when they go all technical on us’ O’Neill replied.
Carter frowned. ‘Sir the Avenger Class Corvette will not only fill the transport role of the Tel’tak and Skyranger but also the combat role of the Al’kesh’ she said. ‘It’ll be shielded, heavily armed, hyperspace capable and capable of a wide variety of missions’ she said.
‘It’s the way they always feel the need to explain how everything works instead of just saying “small multi-role warship and tactical transport, big guns, goes fast” that gets to me Carter’ O’Neill countered. ‘I just don’t need to know more than that’ he said honestly.
Carter sighed, she really should have given up on the hope he’d develop a sense of scientific curiosity years ago she decided as they headed for another lab in the underground complex.
Jonas Quinn was sat in an examination chair being scanned and tested by two other extra-terrestrials, both of whom everyone referred to as “she” but neither of which was actually female in the strictest sense of the word. The truly alien looking one was the first Asgard he had ever met, a scientist named Heimdall who was using a piece of advanced technology to look into his body somehow, the other was externally a quite attractive woman but underneath the surface she was a Goa’uld war-criminal named Nirrti now working as forced intellectual labour for the Earth humans that had captured her.
Heimdall and Nirrti were the most knowledgeable geneticists on the planet, and had inexorably found themselves working together as they investigated other captured aliens, usually those created by the renegade Asgard Loki. They mutually despised each other on principle but had both reached the conclusion that they got much better results if they cooperated and tried to maintain a civil working relationship.
‘Ouch’ Jonas exclaimed as Nirrti stuck a needle in his arm to take another blood sample. The fourth person in the room, a guard always on hand to watch Nirrti reached for his sidearm before Jonas could indicate he wasn’t badly hurt whereupon the guard resumed looking bored.
‘Your hand-eye coordination is as clumsy as your scientific methods’ Heimdall told the Goa’uld. ‘This subject is not a hostile prisoner and should be treated with care not carelessly stabbed’ she said.
Nirrti scowled at Heimdall, stuck-up Asgard bitch, she thought. ‘Perhaps if you got your own hands dirty with these menial tasks sometimes you would be in a position to criticise’ she said.
‘The simple tasks are best undertaken by the simpler minds’ Heimdall retorted.
‘You know every time I cut open a Sectoid to examine it I imagine it’s you’ Nirrti declared, placing the blood sample in one of the highly advanced genetic screening devices Heimdall had arrived on Earth with.
‘Given the physiological differences I imagine only a scientist with a third-rate grasp on anatomy could so easily mistake my people for the creations of Loki’ Hemidall replied. ‘The internal differences are even greater than the obvious external changes of grossly increased musculature.’
‘Clone’ Nirrti hissed at the Asgard.
‘Parasite’ Heimdall threw back.
‘Ladies, please’ Colonel O’Neill said with amusement, walking in after he’d stood outside the door listening for a few moments.
‘I am not female and neither technically is the goa’uld inhabiting the female host Colonel O’Neill’ Hemidall pointed out. ‘It is however a pleasure to see you again’ the Asgard added politely.
‘Nice to see you too Hemidall’ O’Neill replied with a smile, ‘not managed to get yourself shot trying to escape yet then?’ he asked Nirrti. ‘Pity’ he added.
‘SG-1, my day is complete’ the Goa’uld said bitterly as they entered. ‘No Daniel Jackson?’ she queried. ‘No of course not, he’s gone’ she said with a smirk.
‘Ascended’ Teal’c responded, directing a harsh look at the fallen false god.
‘With considerable help no doubt given that he was genetically far too primitive to do so himself’ Nirrti replied, still wearing the smirk. ‘He was not even as advanced as my creation Cassandra’ she said, still working, looking at the display on the machine she had put Jonas Quinn’s blood into. ‘Or this individual’ she added, eyes widening as she looked from the display to the man himself.
‘Much evidence of genetic drift from regular Earth stock since his ancestors were taken from here by the Goa’uld?’ Hemidall queried.
‘Considerable’ Nirrti confirmed, ‘to the extent of having several genetic markers I would characterise as being of Hok’taur stock’ she said.
‘Sorry?’ Jonas asked in confusion.
‘Hok’taur’ Major Carter repeated, ‘it means “Advanced Human” in Goa’uld’ she explained.
Heimdall checked the results. ‘Your genetic profile indicates several genes associated with strong psionic potential’ she told Jonas. ‘We are familiar with them since they are the ones Loki has been introducing into his Ethereal and more mentally advanced Sectoid troops.’
‘My IQ tested out well above average for this planet too, I mean it tested out higher than average back home too but not that far above’ Jonas noted. ‘I mean I was considered a quick study for Kelowna but...’
‘You are more advanced than the humans of this planet’ Hemidall told him. ‘It is likely that your people are simply a few steps further along the evolutionary path due to a genetic quirk and long isolation.’
‘Interesting’ Nirrti said, reaching over and stroking his hair, an act that frightened the crap out of him. He had been warned that the Goa’uld had a habit of “vamping” men to try and get something from them. She’s only interested in your DNA, he told himself hurriedly.
‘He should be tested for psionic strength and skill level immediately’ Heimdall suggested. ‘In addition some of his genes may be useful in my own work.’
‘Still trying to splice together a hybrid that you can download an Asgard consciousness into?’ Nirrti asked. ‘I might be able to help you know’ she offered.
‘Or sabotage the entire project’ Heimdall replied knowingly.
‘Did the captured Sectoid Commander help there?’ Carter asked out of academic interest. ‘I’ve read reports that say it was far more intellectually capable than the ones we’ve seen before.’
‘Yes Major Carter although I have only had limited access to it so far’ Heimdall replied sadly. ‘Because the X-COM hierarchy does not know when, if ever, it might capture such a high-ranking officer again they are being very cautious and methodical in their interrogations for risk of harming it’ the Asgard explained. ‘It may be a while before I am given the opportunity to examine it properly in depth’ Heimdall added.
‘Gentle persuasion and less extreme methods before they go for the mind-rape and hand over what’s left of its brain to our Asgard buddies I guess’ O’Neill reasoned.
‘Makes sense, we’re holding Loki’s people back pretty well with all the F-302’s we’ve got now so it’s not like we need information urgently, better to find out everything we possibly can’ Carter agreed.
‘And once we know all we can we’ll kick their little grey butts right out of the Solar System’ O’Neill declared. ‘No offence’ he told Heimdall, remembering the company he was in.
‘None taken’ the Asgard replied diplomatically. What could you expect from a hairy primate anyhow?
Desert - Vorash – June 2002
‘So I guess nobody else wanted this piece of prime real-estate after the Tok’ra moved out’ Colonel Jack O’Neill observed, looking at the dunes and kicking up some sand.
‘Indeed’ Teal’c agreed. ‘There are far more hospitable worlds than this which are equally vacant’ he noted. ‘The reason why the Tok’ra built a base here in the first place was likely because any passing ship of Jaffa Squad arriving through the gate would be unlikely to recommend to their superiors it was worth absorbing into the domain of even the most Minor Goa’uld’ he said.
‘Well it reduces the chances for collateral damage if things turn nasty Sir and the Tok’ra left their surface set of rings behind, so it’s ideal for this exchange’ Carter pointed out. ‘SG-2 is keeping the gate permanently dialled to another empty planet we can escape to if necessary and Anubis can ring his people down here.’
O’Neill looked up. ‘So how many motherships do you think Anubis will have up there?’ he asked.
‘He’s still too stretched militarily by the war with Apophis to send a fleet, two or three tops I’d say’ Carter reasoned.
‘Think he’ll try and screw us?’ O’Neill asked tongue placed firmly in cheek
‘As soon as he’s got the Eye he’ll bombard the area around the stargate from orbit most likely’ Carter replied. ‘Turn all the sand within a couple of klicks of the gate to glass.’
O’Neill looked around. ‘It would raise the price of land by a few bucks an acre anyhow’ he replied before turning to Andianov. ‘If this goes all to hell I expect those enemy Jaffa to die well before I do Sergeant’ he told her, and preferably only them’ he added.
‘Of course Sir’ the Russian replied, sighting her rifle on some feature in the distance. As well as sand there were a few worn stone outcroppings around that sufficed.
‘They should be arriving any second according to the timetable we sent Anubis via Baal and the Tok’ra’ O’Neill said, checking his watch just as the rings activated, ‘prompt little bastards’ he said, watching them rise from the ground ‘I admire punctuality in a fake god and his minions’ he declared.
A flash inside the rings formed into a group of four Jaffa surrounding a fifth, each one armed with a zat’nik’tel and already pointing it. They knew they were in fact more effective against the warriors of Earth than the technically more powerful Staff Weapons because of the blast resistant armour the Tau’ri wore and they could also be pre-aimed and ready to fire on arrival.
‘Hey guys’ O’Neill greeted them, ‘I’m not seeing an Asgard with you’ he said in mock surprise.
‘You will hand over the Eye now’ the leader of the Jaffa ordered. He wore the symbol of Anubis on his forehead like the others but it was cast silver indicating although not a First Prime he was fairly senior.
‘Perhaps you need to check the definition of “exchange” in your dictionary’ O’Neill replied. ‘What’s the word for exchange in Goa’uld Teal’c?’ he asked turning to his own Jaffa companion.
‘I do not wish to hear anything from the shol’va, order him to remain silent’ the lead Jaffa interrupted.
‘You know as a rule it’s getting him to talk, not stay silent, that’s the tricky part’ O’Neill observed. ‘He’s laconic’ he added. ‘Okay let’s get this straight, no Thor, no Eye of Tiamat’ he stated.
The Jaffa leader sneered. ‘Hand it over or die’ he commanded.
‘Okay, something you need to be made aware of is that buried in the sand not ten yards from where you’re standing is one of our damn ingenious nuclear demolition charges’ O’Neill told the Jaffa, ‘I’m sure you’ve heard of them, we’ve been using the things to blow the Jaffa working for Apophis all to hell for a while now’ he said. ‘You start shooting, and you, the Eye, and ourselves, will need even stronger sunblock that we’re already wearing because we’re at ground zero.’
‘He is bluffing’ one of the other Jaffa told his commander.
‘Getting killed by a point-blank nuke doesn’t hurt one iota’ O’Neill responded, ‘getting captured by a System Lord and being tortured to death by pain sticks sounds a lot worse to me’ he said. ‘Which way would you go if you had the choice?’ he asked them.
The Jaffa Officer opened his mouth to respond then thought about it some more, yes given the choice instant atomisation was clearly the better alternative he decided. ‘Very well we will make the trade’ he said. Anubis did not think he could gain much more from the Asgard prisoner anyway, every time he tried the computer he connected to its brain had to be deactivated because Thor’s mind hijacked the damn thing. The holographic and transporter beam technology was already in itself well worth the trouble taken to capture the Asgard, and the Eye was deemed far more valuable than a largely catatonic and wilfully stubborn short grey alien.
‘Good, now we’re talking’ O’Neill said brightly. ‘Okay ring down my old buddy Thor and I’ll give you the Eye’ he said.
‘Put the Eye in my hand first’ the senior Jaffa insisted, his troops backing up his request by brandishing their weapons even more dramatically.
‘Hey you’ve got ships up there that can blow me all to hell’ O’Neill remarked, ‘I’m the one in danger of getting shafted here guys’ he said. ‘Okay you all step well away from the rings so you can’t try a quick snatch, grab and getaway, and lower those zats, and I’ll show you the Eye’ he offered.
‘Agreed’ the lead Jaffa replied and he and his four companions complied after which they watched the infamous Tau’ri O’Neill walk towards a non-descript point in the sand bend down a dig up a cloth wrapped object which he unwrapped to show them. ‘The Eye of Tiamat’ the Jaffa said with a smile. ‘My Lord will be pleased.’
‘I don’t suppose you could let us know why he wants this damn thing could you?’ O’Neill asked hopefully. ‘I mean we’re curious as hell right Carter?’ he asked his Second In Command.
‘Right Sir’ Carter confirmed.
‘It is none of your business’ the Jaffa told him.
‘Anubis didn’t bother to tell you either huh?’ O’Neill decided.
The Jaffa frowned, good guess by the human. ‘The business of a god is of no concern to a mortal’ he said defensively.
‘I guess Anubis practices mushroom management’ O’Neill told his troops. ‘Keep ‘em in the dark and feed ‘em shit’ he said. ‘Skippy here is out of the loop’ he added. ‘Guess he’s not even middle-management.’
The Jaffa Officer growled. ‘My position is high in the Jaffa ranks loyal to Anubis’ he declared.
‘Yeah and the Security Guard on the front desk runs the Corporation’ O’Neill replied with a grin. ‘Okay I’ve shown you mine now you show me yours’ he said. ‘And don’t go thinking I’ll put the Eye in the rings and expect it to swap places with Thor in there’ he continued. ‘I don’t trust you people an inch to hold up your end of the bargain’ he said flatly.
Talking a small spherical communication device from inside his uniform the Jaffa activated it. ‘Send down the casket with the Asgard inside’ he said.
‘Casket?’ O’Neill repeated, ‘I hope he’s not dead because if he is then the deal’s off’ he announced.
‘The Asgard is alive’ the Jaffa replied as the rings activated again, rising from the ground and then descending once more absolutely nothing appearing inside them.
O’Neill fixed the Lead Jaffa with a glare. ‘Very funny’ he said.
Looking confused the Jaffa activated his communication device again. ‘Where is the Asgard?’ he asked.
‘A Tel’tak decloaked and intercepted the matter stream’ the device announced. ‘We have ordered it to surrender or be destroyed, it is trying to escape but cannot outrun our Deathgliders and Al’kesh will pursue if tries to escape in hyperspace.’
‘Betrayal!’ the lead Jaffa howled and pointed his zat’nik’tel at O’Neill.
‘Ha’tak ships are dropping out of hyperspace’ the voice on the device declared. ‘They are the new vessels of Apophis’ it declared. ‘The Tel’tak is fleeing towards them.’
‘Nice try but I ain’t buying it’ O’Neill told the Jaffa. ‘Send down the Asgard or I’ll set off the nuke’ he said coldly.
‘If this is a trick, it is of your doing’ the Jaffa declared with certainty, ‘the deceitful tactics of the Tau’ri are well known’ he stated.
‘You dumb bastard’ O’Neill retorted, ‘you were about to send down the Asgard, if we were going to fuck you over we’d have intercepted the Eye going back the other way after we got Thor’ O’Neill retorted. Suddenly Staff-Weapon fire started hurtling over head. ‘Get down’ he yelled throwing himself to the ground as bolts of plasma seared overhead, everyone else doing likewise.
‘Serpent Guards’ Andianov yelled out, firing her rifle at the first familiar helmet shape that appeared in sight before anyone else could, the enemy Jaffa dropping back out of sight. ‘Got one’ she added.
‘You jerks’ O’Neill screamed at the Jaffa who had come down via the ring earlier, ‘you let Apophis find out about the trade’ he howled, starting to fire back towards the enemy.
‘We did not’ the Lead Jaffa responded. ‘It must have been a traitor in your ranks’ he declared.
‘We are fighting the Ha’tak of Apophis, we are outnumbered’ the communication device declared. ‘Our Al’kesh are under fire, they cannot pursue the Tel’tak.’
‘We are also under attack from the troops of Apophis on the planet’ the Jaffa told his friends high above.
‘The Jaffa have a saying O’Neill’ Teal’c called over. ‘Misery loves company’ he said, earning the nodded agreement of the Jaffa loyal to Anubis who had more important things to worry about right now than the shol’va.
‘We’re pinned down, SG-3 we need you right now’ Carter yelled into her radio.
New figures appeared from nowhere and began firing at the Serpent Guards, catching them in a crossfire and forcing them to retreat.
‘What is going on?’ one of Anubis’s Jaffa exclaimed.
‘We had troops hidden out there ready to spring an ambush if you tried anything’ he said. ‘Apophis must have landed his own men in a cloaked cargo ship and then placed it to intercept the rings.’
‘Give me the Eye’ the lead Jaffa commanded. ‘You may have lost your goal but...’
‘Don’t bother it’s a fake we made up’ O’Neill told him almost apologetically, we were going to screw you too’ he admitted. ‘The only guy that comes out ahead today is Apophis’ he declared bitterly as the firing died down around them. ‘We’re getting the hell out of here, I suggest you do the same’ he advised.
‘We would have sacanned it and learned of your deception quickly, vengeance would have been swift’ the Jaffa told him. The Tau'ri were clearly stupider than he had been led to believe if they thought such a simple ruse would have worked.
One of the other Jaffa pointed a zat’nik’tel at O'Neill. ‘You will not get away Tau’ri gonach’ he vowed.
‘Aw for crying out loud the last thing any of us need right now is a firefight amongst ourselves, the day sucks enough already’ O'Neill moaned.
‘Lower your weapons, we are outnumbered here and must survive to report this to Lord Anubis ourselves if the Ha’tak and Al’kesh are lost in battle’ the Lead Jaffa ordered his men.
‘I’m guessing he’s not up for promotion’ O’Neill asked the Jaffa Officer, pointing at the other one who had aimed a weapon at him. ‘At least you’ve got some brains’ he added. ‘So in that dictionary what’s the Goa’uld for “clusterfuck” because that’s what this is’ he told him.
‘My Lord Anubis will still want the Eye of Tiamat’ the Lead Jaffa told O’Neill as they both got up from the ground and dusted themselves off.
‘We’ll trade something else for it if you want it so badly, you know how to get in touch’ O’Neill offered. ‘You gate out, we’ll strip what we can from the Serpent Guards we’ve killed and head home ourselves.’
‘Yes I have heard you Tau’ri scavenge from the dead like vultures’ the Jaffa responded with distaste.
‘Better hurry, your boss is going to want to know that Apophis might be playing with some Asgard tech soon, I guess that’s what he’s aiming for anyhow’ O’Neill told the Jaffa. ‘Stargate is that way’ he said pointing in its direction.
‘The next time we meet I will kill you’ The Jaffa told him, turning to leave, the others following.
‘I guess you flunked out of Jaffa charm school’ O’Neill called after him, watching them trudge through the sand as they eventually disappeared out of sight.
‘Sir we really need to get out of here before they realise what the hell just happened’ Carter told him.
‘For Christ’s sake Sergeant you nearly blew my head off’ a Serpent Guard announced appearing from behind a sand-dune activating the mechanism that unfolded the helmet away.
‘I am sorry Commander, if my shot had missed by too much it would not have looked convincing’ Andianov told Sharp.
‘Looks like the Tel’tak got away clean according to its last transmission Sir’ Carter interjected. ‘I guess the identification codes we got for Apophis’s Fleet were right because they let it go thinking it was one of their own advanced scouts sent to confirm the presence of Anubis’s ships.’
Sharp looked up at the fireworks in orbit. ‘They’re kicking each others asses up there’ he said happily.
‘Think everything else is going to work?’ O’Neill asked. ‘I mean we might have lured Apophis into supporting our cover story by leaking the position of a few enemy ships ripe for the picking but after that...’
‘By now the Tok’ra will have told Baal that Apophis has committed his reserves out here to Vorash on the edge of his territory and you know that opportunistic bastard will immediately throw everything he has at Apophis while he’s got a free hand’ Sharp replied.
‘So Baal comes out ahead’ Carter said, ‘oh well at least we stuck it to Anubis and Apophis in one fell swoop’ she said happily.
‘With luck we got Baal good too’ O’Neill corrected her. ‘We knew from the Tok’ra he’s got a secret weapons research facility one of their operatives named Kanan found out about... of course we told Lord Yu it belongs to Apophis so he’s on his way to attack it, hopefully he’ll shoot first and ask questions later’ he said with a grin. ‘Even if he doesn’t bombard it he’ll still be monumentally pissed at Baal for not sharing advanced tech with his supposed allies.’
‘You know when they all figure out what happened...’ Carter began.
‘We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it’ Sharp replied, ‘then nuke it afterwards with a naquadah-enhanced elerium grenade so they can’t follow us’ he added. ‘The beer’s on me people’ he announced.
‘Canadian beer?’ O’Neill queried suspiciously.
‘There’s other types of beer worthy of the name produced on the North American continent?’ Sharp asked in apparent mystification.
‘Well if it’s free I suppose I can stomach it’ O’Neill decided, looking up at the fighting still going on far overhead. ‘Maybourne, you are definitely the man’ he said in salute.
