Queer Eye For the Stargate Guy (4/4)
Queer Eye For the Stargate Guy (4/4)
by SaraC
Summary: The Fab Five get their hands on Daniel!
Category: Humor
Season: future Season
Pairing: Daniel/Janet
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 01/05/04
"What's going on?"
Jack's voice held a hint of suspicion as he allowed Sam to lead him into the elevator. Teal'c followed, his expression neutral as the elevator doors closed behind them.
"Jack, just keep calm, okay?" Sam had been trying to find the right way to tell Jack about the Queer Eye men, but so far, hadn't had much luck. Now she was running out of time.
"What's wrong with Daniel?" Jack had a bad feeling, noting the looks his two friends were giving him.
"Nothing is wrong with DanielJackson, O'Neill. MajorCarter is, I believe, attempting to prepare you to face several men with videocameras when you enter DanielJackson's apartment."
"Videocameras? Sam?" Jack looked totally confused as Sam looked helplessly at Teal'c. The Jaffa simply nodded his head.
"I do believe the Extremely Happy Men have visited DanielJackson and given him what is called a do-over."
Sam nearly choked at Jack's expression. "He means makeover, Jack, makeover." But Jack didn't seem to hear her words, his gaze locked on Teal'c.
"Extremely Happy Men?"
Teal'c looked at him his expression never changing. "I believe they are from a program called "Queer Eye for the Linear Man."
Sam did choke this time, even as she watched Jack's face turn an unbecoming shade of purple.
"Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? Is that what you mean, Teal'c?" Jack hoped his voice did not sound as horrified as he felt. What the hell had his best friend gotten himself into?
Sam knew she had to say something, but nothing would come out. All she could do was look at Teal'c with a pleading expression. The Jaffa however seemed to be unaware of his friends' feelings, as he continued on conversationally.
"That is it. I recommended he ask them for help when he approached me a short time ago."
Jack looked like he was having trouble breathing. "Daniel, our Daniel Jackson, went to you to ask about getting a makeover? From a bunch of gay men?"
"I see no problem with getting this 'makeover' from a group of happy men. Would you not want them to be happy about their work?"
Jack sank back against the wall, rubbing a hand over his forehead. "Teal'c, buddy, I don't think you're getting the meaning of the word 'gay' as used here." Looking over at Sam, he found her unable to speak as well, although he noted she seemed to have been in on this as well. He would make sure they had a little talk when all this was over.
"What do you mean, O'Neill?"
Running a hand through his hair, he tried to figure out how to explain 'gay' to Teal'c without sounding like an awkward teen. Thankfully, before he could finish, the elevator arrived and Jack bolted out as if the devil was on his heels.
Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself to face his friend, his mind already running wild with images of what these people had done to Daniel.
"Jack, please, no matter what, don't lose it, okay? This is really, really important to Daniel, and he'll be devastated if you do something to wreck it, okay?"
Jack looked at her with a reproachful expression. 'You think I don't know that? You think I don't know that more than likely, the reason Danny subjected himself a group of gay men obsessed with the perfect clothing scheme and paint color, not to mention an unhealthy need for hair gel, is because he wants to impress Janet?"
Sam sighed as she looked at her CO. "I know you do, but I'm not so sure Daniel does. You know how much your opinion means to him, though he'll never let it show."
Jack sighed, again running a hand over his face. He did know, and it made all the difference in the world.
"It's okay, Sam, I won't do anything stupid. I promise," he muttered, reaching Daniel's door and knocking on it. But before it could be opened, he felt Sam's hand on his arm.
"Just out of curiosities sake, Jack, how do you know so much about Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?"
The expression on his face was priceless and it did not fade as the door opened and all three got a good look at their friend and teammate.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Daniel wasn't sure what to make of Jack's expression, although something told him it was not exactly meant for him.
"Heyguys,comeonin," his words were nearly incomprehensible as he rushed through them, watching his friends closely for a reaction. Sam and Teal'c looked bemused but it was Jack's expression that still worried him. "Jack, youokaywiththings?" He watched apprehensively as his best friend struggled to say something, or most likely, comprehend his words.
"Well, at least they didn't make you a true blonde and dress you in pink."
Daniel wasn't sure what to make of his friend's words, not sure if to take them as a compliment or criticism.
"Daniel, you know what Jack's trying to say. You look great! They hi-lited your hair didn't they?" Sam was truly amazed at how different Daniel looked. It wasn't even anything major, but it was subtle enough that she once again realized how handsome a man he was. Although, no one could compare to Jack, but Daniel sure came close. She had a feeling Janet was going to be beside herself.
"DanielJackson, you do indeed look well. I see the Extremely Happy Men also provided your apartment with a do over."
"Makeover, Tea-, Murray, makeover" Daniel replied, covering his slip as the cameras rolled.
~*~*~*~*~
"Extremely Happy Men?" Jai's expression mirrored his words.
"That man did not just call us "Extremely Happy Men," did he?" Carson sounded just as horrified as Jai.
"I'm still shuddering at that skull cap the man is wearing, how totally gauche!" Kyan shuddered at the image, closing his eyes almost as if he could make the image go away.
"Well, I personally am a bit offended over that Jack's comment on our abilities. Obviously, he has a bias against homosexuals." Thom sniffed as he observed the four people on screen in front of him.
"But there is hope for the blonde, Sam, I think he called her. Although, something tells me she's not the woman he's hoping to impress," Ted chimed in as he sipped his third glass of champagne.
"Let the games begin, it's time for the appetizers!" crowed Carson as they settled back to watch.
~*~*~*~*~
Jack was looking around his friend's apartment in surprise. While he was glad to note Daniel did not look extremely different, he did notice the younger man seemed a little more confident as he showed them around his newly refurnished place.
"Well, I like what they did to clear up the clutter that used to be your living room." He smiled as Daniel laughed, glad to see his friend relaxing around him. He did his best to ignore the camera that was following him around.
"You can actually see and appreciate your art now Daniel, I love it! And the colors are perfectly you. What I wouldn't give for perfect hardwood floors like this," Sam sighed with longing.
"Well, I have to admit, I do like the warmth it gives to the room," Daniel replied, happy to note Jack seemed to be relaxing. He knew it was going to be all right as Jack finally caught sight of the flat screen TV.
"I take back everything I ever said about gay men, Daniel, they got you to get a flat screen, and a 52 inch at that!"
Daniel tried hard not to laugh as Jack began to examine his TV, nearly salivating as he turned it on and began fiddling with the channels.
"You know, if you'd allowed him to see this first, we could have avoided the awkwardness at the door," Sam whispered to her friend as he smiled.
"Well, at least he's not glaring daggers at the camera guys anymore," he replied, smiling as Jack settled himself on the sofa, Teal'c taking the other end.
"Danny boy, come show me how this works. There's some hockey to be watched somewhere!"
With a smile for Sam, Daniel moved towards his friend, glad to see it appeared that his friends were making themselves at home.
Sam watched as the boys began to examine the remote, smiling as she noted the cameramen focusing in on the debate. A sudden thought hit her that they were being watched by five men, somewhere in town, and would soon be seen on national TV. She paled at the thought, but quickly regained her footing as she realized how different Daniel seemed.
She'd never seen her friend so confident, nor looking so well. The apartment was completely done in his style and for the first time, she could admit she felt comfortable relaxing in her friend's home. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the huge busts of lions and ancient mummies had been moved somewhere else.
The knock on the door startled her as she realized the most important person of the evening had just arrived. She noted the quick look of panic on Daniel's face as he stopped speaking mid sentence and glanced to the door.
"Just do it, Danny, you know she wants you too."
Jack's clear voice rang through the room, bringing a flush to his cheeks, but a determination to his step as he took a deep breath and headed for the door.
~*~*~*~*~
"Oooooh, this must be it! The woman of the hour arrives!" Jai eagerly moved forward on the couch, as the other four stopped chatting and were now avidly watching the screen in front of them.
"The big moment arrives. Let's see if he can pull it off without embarrassing himself." Ted's words were echoed by the others as they watched Daniel open the door.
~*~*~*~*~
Daniel held his breath as he pulled open the door and found himself staring into the most beautiful pair of eyes he'd ever seen.
"Hi, Janet," he offered, his voice softer than usual as he watched her eyes, hoping for a reaction.
Janet wasn't sure what to say to the man who opened the door. She'd hear rumors that Daniel's apartment was not the only thing getting a makeover, but she hadn't been sure until now.
He didn't look extremely different. His hair had obvious hi-lites but they only served to enhance the deep blue of his eyes. His outfit was definitely not the usual for Daniel, but the blue shirt showcased his broad chest and the arm muscles she'd watched slowly reappear as he'd worked out with Jack daily since his return.
What was different was the look in his eyes. Normally they were friendly and full of a warmth that made her stomach tingle. Tonight, however, they were filled with a heat that seemed to reach out and devour her as he stared hungrily into her eyes. But what really got to her was the slight bit of neediness, of insecurity she could also read in those blue depths. He was worried about what she'd think.
"Daniel, you look wonderful." It was rather cheesy, but she really didn't think herself capable of saying more. Not that she needed to if the brilliance of his smile was anything to go by.
"You like? I had some help this week," he offered, breathing a sigh of relief as she stepped into the apartment and took a wide eyed glance around.
"Daniel! It's beautiful! I can't believe what you've done with the place!" Her enthusiasm was contagious as she shrugged off her coat and turned to take in the people and the room before her. She was so involved in taking in the room that she completely missed the expression on Daniel's face as he caught sight of what she was wearing.
Five other men, however, did not.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Wham! Did you see that look? Our boy's got it bad!"
"Oooh, what I wouldn't give to be that Janet tonight!"
"Daniel is on the prowl, go get her boy!"
"Now that is what I call a classy lady."
"I love that sweater on her!" Carson's voice was jubilant, drawing the stares of the other four. "Its clingy enough yet not too revealing. Tantalizing and yet completely chic for the moment. Paired with that skirt, and those legs, ummm, it's a wonder Daniel doesn't drop to his knees right now!"
The others rolled their eyes as they turned their attention back to the screen and the true soap opera that was unfolding before their eyes.
~*~*~*~*~
Daniel wasn't sure he could speak as he took in Janet's appearance. If he'd ever had any doubt about her beauty, not that he had, but if he had mind you, there was no question about it now. The sweater showcased her soft curves to perfection and the short skirt showed off a pair of legs to die for. Suddenly extremely nervous, he tried to find something to say, swallowing around the lump in his throat.
"So, you really like it, Janet?"
Her soft smile was all the answer he needed. "I love it Daniel, although, I'm curious to know why we're being videotaped?" Her voice, thankfully, did not sound angry, just a little confused.
"He's going to be the next star makeover on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Janet," Jack offered with a rakish smile, delighting in Daniel's blush and Janet's raised eyebrow.
"Really? You had all five of them come give you and your apartment a makeover?" The curiosity in her expression made him feel better and he simply shrugged and smiled.
"What can I say, except, I hope you don't mind being on national TV for a few moments."
Janet's laughter echoed through the room as she turned and waved into the camera. "Carson, Jai, Thom, Ted and Kyan, I just have to say if I didn't love you guys before, I truly adore you all now. Thank you!"
~*~*~*~*~*~
Cheers and catcalls abounded from the five men in question as they heard her response.
"Well, looks like we've got a fan in the crowd," Kyan called with a huge smile.
"I knew I liked that woman from the start," Thom offered, raising his glass in yet another toast.
"Check out Jack's expression, it's priceless!" came from Jai.
"You know, it does my heart good to see this," replied Ted with a huge smile.
"Hallelujah! I think our boy just scored big time!" Carson's happy cheer was met with another round of toasts.
~*~*~*~*~
"You obviously watch the show, Janet?" Daniel was a little amused, but purely delighted that she had no problem with his 'makeover' pals.
"I love the show, Daniel and I can't wait to see this whole transformation process from the start. Why didn't you tell me, us?" She amended quickly, finally realizing the others watching them.
"Well, it wouldn't have exactly been a surprise then, would it, Doc?" Jack's droll voice made the others laugh, especially Daniel who was floating on cloud nine as he steered Janet towards the loveseat.
"DanielJackson, do these men not teach you to cook something as well?"
Daniel laughed. "Hungry, Murray?" He hated having to remember to call Teal'c by his alias, but with TV cameras around, one couldn't be too careful. He could only imagine what the five men were thinking of Teal'c's hat.
"Yeah, what you got to eat? I hope it's not any of those girly appetizers they usually make the men make on this show."
The others again turned to Jack with raised eyebrows. He shrugged sheepishly before giving them all a rakish smile. "Hey, a guy's gotta watch something between the periods of a hockey game. It's usually the only thing on."
The others burst into laughter as Daniel headed for the kitchen. "Don't worry, Jack, I mentioned the fact to them that you needed something a bit more hearty to appease your masculinity."
Jack's offended huff was clearly audible as Daniel returned with the plate of fried potatoes. "Here you go, freshly made potato skins, with a little cheddar cheese and sour cream for decoration."
"Daniel, that's beautiful!" Sam was impressed by the colors on the plate and the way Daniel had organized them. She hadn't realized her friend had such a flare for the dramatic in cooking.
"Danny boy, please don't tell me they had you wearing an apron while making this?" Jack offered, eagerly reaching for one of the snacks. The expression on his face was priceless as he bit into one, chewing a moment before swallowing. Daniel watched with apprehension, until a huge smile dawned on his friend's face.
"Not bad, although you got any ketchup in there?"
The others laughed and reached for the food as Daniel happily headed for the kitchen again, returning a few moments later with the plate of crackers and the ketchup.
"Wow, Daniel, Ted must have taught you pretty well, they look fabulous!" Janet was majorly impressed with the appetizers and the fact that Daniel had made them. She knew how the show worked and that after being shown what to do, he'd been left on his own to recreate them. It looked like he'd been a fast learner.
"Well, glad you like. Now would anyone like a drink? I personally want to try out a new recipe they gave me for a strawberry margarita, Janet?" He aimed his question to the group but looked directly at Janet.
"I'd love one, Daniel, do you need any help?" The soft offer made his eyes shine as he motioned for her to follow him.
"I'd love it, anyone else for a margarita?" He chose to ignore the evil smile Jack was giving him.
"You know, Danny Boy, if it's not too much trouble, I'd love a beer. Although if you're going to get busy in the kitchen with the Doc," he paused, winking at his friend's mortified expression, "I mean by making margarita's, then I'll get one myself."
Janet held back her blush, although she had to admit, the thought of 'getting busy' with Daniel was not unappealing, especially after the way he was behaving tonight.
"I'll get you a beer, Jack." Daniel was glad his voice remained calm. "Sam, Murray, anything for you?" After getting a beer and a soda request respectively, he followed Janet into the kitchen and set about getting his friends their drinks. Once they'd been delivered, he returned to where Janet was setting out ingredients beside the blender.
"Janet, I can make that-"
"Oh, I know," she offered with a twinkling smile. "I just figured I'd get everything set out for you, then I'll stand back and watch. This is always the fun part." She grinned before hopping up on the counter, making his mouth water as the move exposed more of her legs.
Pushing down the images Jack had planted in his mind of Janet and the kitchen, he set about trying to remember how to make the perfect margarita.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"You know, the tension is incredible, he just needs to ask her out before I run in there and do it for him!"
Jai's tense words echoed through the room, getting groans from the other four.
"He'll get there, I just hope its before we turn old and gray while waiting," offered Kyan gloomily.
"Wait, wait, wait, I think he's going for it!" Carson's eager voice had all attention once again directed at the TV.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Daniel had just finished the margarita and was now waiting for Janet's taste test. He tried not to sink to the floor as he watched her tongue emerge and daintily lick the salt from the rim of the glass before sipping the cool drink.
"Daniel, it's wonderful!" The pure happiness on her face made him smile as well, and he had to fight the urge to simply lean down and kiss her in response. He just barely managed to check his reaction as he realized that it might be prudent to at least ask her out before putting the moves on her.
"You really do like it, not too sweet or sour?" At the shake of her head, he finally allowed himself to relax, pouring a glass for himself and sipping cautiously. It really wasn't that bad, and he didn't even like mixed drinks.
Janet watched him over the rim of her glass, wondering if he was finally about to get up the courage to ask her out. She hadn't been quite sure how he felt, despite Sam's assurances that he was interested, but his actions tonight had her hoping what her friend had said was true.
Daniel took another sip of the margarita, using it to build up his courage as he tried to find the words to ask her out. As he struggled to think, he suddenly realized that cameras were trained on their every move. He really, really didn't want this to happen on national TV.
"Um, guys," he asked, motioning to the cameramen, who simply nodded. "Do you think we could have a bit of privacy?" Exchanging looks, the cameramen smiled at each other before nodding.
"No problem, good luck, man," one offered as he and the other guy turned and left the room.
Janet was trying to control her rapidly beating heart, aware now that she was truly alone with Daniel. Taking a deep gulp of her drink, she gave him a smile. "Daniel, is there something you wanted to ask?"
Daniel knew in that moment that it would be okay. A huge smile graced his face as he walked over to stand next to her. Taking a deep breath, he smiled into her eyes.
"Janet, would you like to have dinner sometime with the new, stylish me?" He was pretty sure she'd say yes, but he held his breath just in case.
Janet smiled and reached up to brush her hand through his newly gelled hair. "Of course I'll have dinner with the new, stylish you." She winked at him before continuing. "I would have had dinner with the old you in a heartbeat as well, you know."
Daniel's mouth gaped at her as he registered her words. Struggling to speak, he finally found the words. "You mean, I didn't have to go through all this, you would have gone out with me before I got 'made over'?"
Janet smiled and leaned up, bringing his face down to hers. "Of course," she offered before pressing her lips to his.
Daniel sighed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around her waist, amazed at how perfectly she fit into his arms. The kiss too was spectacular, ending only when they both had to part for breath, gasping for air.
"I wish you'd done that sooner," Janet whispered, happily content to stay in his arms for the rest of the night.
"Well, now that I have, do you mind if I do it again?"
She could only nod before he swept down and claimed her lips in a deeper kiss. Both were unaware of anything but each other until a voice was heard clearing behind them. Pulling apart, they turned to face a stoic Teal'c.
"DanielJackson, DoctorFraiser, I do believe the Extremely Happy Men have arrived to meet you all."
Janet and Daniel looked at each other and burst into laughter. When they finally stopped Daniel held out his arm to Janet, brushing a kiss over her lips before speaking.
"Well, you ready for this?"
Janet smiled and leaned up to whisper in his ear. "As long as you make sure I get to meet Carson, I'm ready for anything." With a wink, she kissed him quickly before allowing him to lead her from the room.
Teal'c watched them go, the corner of his lips turned up in what his friends would be surprised note resembled a smile. Taking his time, he followed his friends into the living room, noting the enthusiasm with which the five newcomers were gushing over Daniel, Janet, Sam and a rather annoyed looking Jack.
Settling back onto the couch, Teal'c observed his friends, including an ecstatic looking Daniel. Leaning over to O'Neill, Teal'c made one final observation.
"Perhaps, now DanielJackson will also become an Extremely Happy Man, O'Neill."
Jack looked at him with a strange expression. Deciding it was too complicated to explain he simply offered a "So do I, T, so do I."
~*~*~*~*~*~
The End
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