Double Discovery
Double Discovery
by Sally Reeve
TITLE: Double Discovery
AUTHOR: Sally Reeve
EMAIL: reevesally@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Missing Scene/Epilogue, Romance
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: Double Jeopardy
SEASON / SEQUEL: 4
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: male/female relationship
SUMMARY: After the events in "Double Jeopardy" Carter and O'Neill return to P3X-989 with Harlan.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
"Okay, I want to go on record here as saying thatthisis a bad idea!"
"I think you already made that point, sir, " Carter said mildly as they stood staring at the watery surface of the Stargate.
"You know, I promised myself I wasn't gonna go back there. Ever."
Sighing, Sam turned to face him. Behind them she was aware of Harlan shifting uncomfortably, the bodies of his fallen friends resting on three gurneys at the foot of the ramp. "Sir, we can't just ignore the fact that they're dead." She paused, catching his eye and holding it. "They were his friends - his only companions. We can't just send him back there alone."
"They were robots," he reminded her pointedly.
Sam lowered her voice and did her best not to sound exasperated. "So is he."
"Exactly." The Colonel half-raised an eyebrow, satisfied that he'd won the point.
She matched his look. "Are you afraid, sir?"
"No!" he exclaimed instantly. "What's to be afraid of?"
"You think he'll do it again - duplicate us again, don't you?"
O'Neill paused before he dropped her gaze and muttered, "Well maybe. Kinda." He looked up again, "Aren't you?"
"No," she told him. "Harlan gave us his word - and I believe him."
"You do?" he asked, his voice softer than usual. And she realized that he was asking her opinion, not doubting it.
She smiled, and felt her heart flutter as she saw her expression ignite something in his eyes. "I do, sir. I think we can trust him. He just wants to say goodbye to his friends." She paused, considering how to express her thoughts. "Three years ago, sir, they were us. But the people we met yesterday were different. Think of everything that's happened to us in the last three years. Think how it's changed us."
"Do I have to?" he muttered, but she could tell she'd caught his attention.
Ignoring his comment she carried on. "They didn't have those experiences, sir. Who knows what happened to them? But whatever they've been doing, Harlan was part of it. They were his friends, sir. I don't think he'd want to replace them even if he could. Because although we might look like them, we wouldn't be them. Would we?"
O'Neill didn't say anything for a moment, and then a small smile touched his lips. "I knew there was a reason I kept you around, Major."
Unable to keep the sudden grin from her face, Sam turned back to the gate. "See you on the other side, sir," she said, and stepped into oblivion.
It looked just as Jack remembered it as he emerged from the gut-wrenching embrace of the wormhole: dark, industrial, and grim. What had his robotic self called it? A lame-ass planet. Yeah, that summed it up nicely.
Carter was a few feet ahead of him, looking around warily, her fingers resting lightly on her weapon. For all her talk of trust, she didn't let her guard down for a moment - a fact Jack appreciated greatly.
"Carter, I - argh!" Jack suddenly found himself rammed in the back by something hard and heavy. Stumbling out of the way, he realized that it was one of the gurneys emerging from the Stargate, a sheet covering the face of its occupant. He frowned and rubbed at the bruise on his back. "Give me a hand with this, will ya?" he asked Carter.
Together they maneuvered each gurney away from the gate, lining them up in a slightly macabre line. Daniel's body, of course, hadn't survived. Although, his head had. And Jack did his best to avert his eyes as Harlan stepped through the gate with a distinctively head-shaped bag dangling from one hand.
"Oh, thank you, thank you," Harlan began immediately he arrived. "It is so very kind of you to accompany me. It would have been so...hard, on my own."
"You're welcome," Carter chipped in immediately, and Jack had the distinct impression that she was forestalling anything he might have to say on the subject. Which was probably a good idea.
"So," Jack said, eyeing the bodies. "Now what? You gonna bury them, or something?"
"Bury?" Harlan repeated in confusion.
"Cremation?" Jack suggested.
Confused, Harlan turned to Sam. "Captain Carter...?"
Sam, of course, smiled. "He's asking how you're going to dispose of the bodies," she said. And then added, "And it's Major, not Captain."
"Of course," Harlan replied, pressing his hands together in apology. "It's just that you look so much like her! Although," he frowned, cocking his head to one side, "your hair is not as pretty."
Sam's eyes widened at the comment, but she made no reply.
"Harlan," Jack snapped, "let's focus here. You said you wanted us to come to your ceremony...well, here we are! Let's get on with it."
Shaking his head, Harlan took a step towards the shrouded bodies. "Not yet," he said. "Daniel and Teal'c are not here."
"We told you," Jack explained, doing his best to be patient. "Daniel's on a mission, and Teal'c is still recovering from his run-in with Kronos."
"Ah yes," Harlan muttered, remembering. "Well, no matter."
"Apparently there's some kind of ritual you need to perform before the ceremony?" Carter said then, obviously doing her best to move the proceedings onward.
"Ritual?" he repeated, and then nodded vigorously. "Yes, ritual. Yes. That's right. It will take some hours."
Jack blinked. "Hours?" He'd planned on being in and out of here in minutes.
"Please," Harlan said then, "if you will help me move their bodies, I will begin."
"Ah, this ritual," Jack said as they each pushed a gurney through the dark hallways, "are we involved at all?"
"No," Harlan told him immediately. "It is private." He glanced over his shoulder at Jack and added, "Some simple chanting, incantations...but if you'd like to join in...?"
"That's okay," Jack assured him hurriedly. "Thanks for the offer, though."
The room to which Harlan led them was small and empty. They lined up the three bodies, and Harlan slowly drew the sheet back from each face. Jack shivered when he saw his own dead features staring up at him, but had to look away entirely when he saw Carter's lifeless face; that was way too close to home. It had only been a matter of weeks since.... He pushed the memory away, and turned his attention back to Harlan. The little man stood with his head bowed and hands clasped, the picture of grief. Jack was still rummaging in his mind for something appropriate to say, when he felt a light touch on his arm and turned to see Carter watching him.
"We'll leave you alone, Harlan," she said quietly.
"Thank you," Harlan replied, turning to face them. His eyes were bright as he looked at them both, and he smiled. "They were happy here, you know."
Jack said nothing, and nor did Carter; neither of them, he knew, could accept the idea. Stuck in this place for eternity, deprived of everything that defined them or gave meaning to their lives? They could never have been happy.
Seeing the doubt in their faces, Harlan nodded. "You don't believe me."
There was a long pause before Carter said, "It's just hard for us to imagine."
"Yes," he said, his eyes darting between them. "I suppose it is; you are so different from them." And then he smiled again. "I must begin the ritual, but please feel free to explore our home. Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter have left much here that you may find of interest."
"Thank you," Carter replied. Her eyes caught Jack's as she turned to leave, and he saw unbridled curiosity fire in their depths. It was a curiosity he had to admit to sharing.
Sam couldn't help but smile as they poked around Harlan's home. It had changed since their last visit, and was oddly familiar. No, familiar was the wrong word; she recognized none of it, and yet she felt at home.
They were standing now in what appeared to be some kind of living room. A large table dominated it, one end of which was covered with books. One was open and she glanced down at the pages, but the language was unfamiliar; Daniel's, she guessed.
"Hey, look at this!" O'Neill called from the other side of the room. "They've got a TV!"
"How on earth...?" she muttered, walking towards him. He was right - it was definitely a TV, with a stack of videos piled on a table nearby. "Where did they get it?"
The Colonel was shaking his head as he skimmed through the titles. "Ooh, they've got Casablanca!" He picked up the box and raised a curious eyebrow. "With James Stuart?"
"May I see?" Sam asked, taking it from his hands. He was right. "Alternate reality?" she suggested, handing it back to him. "It would explain where they got all this stuff."
"Pretty clever," O'Neill nodded, putting the video back. "They knew they couldn't come back toourEarth, so they found another one to get a few creature comforts."
"I wondered where they got their ordinance from," she agreed. "I guess not all the alternate realities have been taken over by the Goa'uld."
"Well, that's nice to know."
From the living room they moved through a narrow corridor, peeking behind the doors that lined it. Despite the artificial life-forms' lack of need for sleep, it appeared that privacy was still required.
"These must be Daniel's quarters," Sam said as she opened one of the doors. Shelves lined three of the walls, full of books and artifacts so similar to his apartment at home that she almost shivered. A bed filled the third wall, crumpled and creased as if its occupant had just arisen. "I guess maybe they do sleep," she murmured.
They carried on in silence, until Sam opened another door and stopped. It was unmistakably her own room, although she was a little surprised to see that it was double the size of Daniel's. Like his, one end of the room was cluttered with objects that could only have been collected off-world. But the other end had a distinctly domestic feel, with a neatly made bed, a few clothes hung up and a small, exquisitely carved chest of drawers by her bedside. Taking a step inside, she realized that the Colonel wasn't following her and she glanced over her shoulder. He was on the opposite side of the corridor, his head poked into another room.
Sensing her eyes on him, he turned around. "My room," he said with a small smile that turned swiftly into a frown. "This is kinda weird, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "Very."
He nodded and added, "I think I'm just gonna have a look around...."
"Me too," she agreed. It was intrusive, she knew, but she felt an odd sort of need to understand this woman who had, for all intents and purposes, lived and died as Sam Carter.
Jack let the door close behind him as he stepped into the quarters that had belonged to his artificial self. It was, he reflected, a little like stepping aboard the Marie Celeste; everything had a 'back-in-a-moment' feel about it. Compared to Daniel and Carter's quarters though, his were surprisingly barren. No pictures adorned the walls, no artifacts littered the small desk and the narrow bed didn't even have bedding on it. Of course, he knew the robots had no need to sleep, and yet both Daniel's and Carter's quarters had seemed rather more cozy.
Pondering the difference, he walked over to the bed and perched on its edge. As he did so, the heel of his boot struck something underneath it. Curious he crouched down, wincing at the ache in his knees, and pulled out a metal box no larger than a shoe box. It was dusty, and he blew a breath across its lid, sending a cloud of dust swirling into the air. As the dust slowly settled, he saw that his name was written on the lid: 'Jack O'Neill'.
His stomach twisted oddly at the sight; he had a very similar box at home. He'd always seemed to have a box like that, into which he put all the little trinkets and souvenirs that life sent his way. It was a very private, personal collection. Not one he'd ever share. Not one he'd want to be sifted through like an archaeological find. And yet...
His fingers twitched nervously at the lid. The guy was dead, he reasoned. And, in fact, they guy washim. Or at least he had been, three years ago. But he knew nothing about his life since, nothing about how he had coped with this nasty curve-ball. Harlan had insisted he'd been happy, but Jack was dubious. And for some reason, he knew that the content of this little box might answer a few of his questions.
Ignoring his guilt, he lifted the lid and looked inside.
Standing in the middle of the large room Sam turned a full circle, taking in all the details. It was remarkably comfortable, all things considered. The wide bed was covered with pillows and a richly colored fabric, creating a distinctly eastern flavor. Lights twinkled from little recesses, casting a warm glow over the room, and beneath her feet a thick and beautifully woven carpet covered most of the floor. The colors were spectacular, but the design was unlike anything she had seen before, and she knew it could only have come from off-world. Obviously they'd taken to bringing back more than just scientific data from their travels. And given the grim world on which they'd been marooned, Sam couldn't blame them in the slightest.
Moving to the far end of the room, she picked up a couple of the devices that rested on the long bench. Some of them she recognized instantly as Goa'uld, while others were totally alien. A couple lay in pieces, waiting patiently for their new owner to return. Sam sighed, knowing that she never would.
Turning away from the workbench she almost tripped over something propped up against the wall. It was long and wooden and clattered to the floor. When she picked it up, Sam was somewhat surprised to see that it was a hockey stick. Hockey? Since when did she play hockey? Replacing it, she headed towards the bed and sat down. The chest of draws that sat nearby was truly beautiful, inlaid with different woods and polished to a glowing shine. Without stopping to think, she reached out and pulled open the top draw. It slid out smoothly, and she looked inside. A few more clothes lay folded neatly within, but atop them sat a small, leather-bound book. Taking it out, she flicked through it and was astonished to see that nothing but handwriting filled its pages. Looking closer, she realized immediately that it was a journal; Carter's journal.
Her moral qualms lasted all of two seconds before curiosity sent them packing. Resting more comfortably amongst the cushions, Sam turned to page one and started to read.
August 13 1998
Harlan gave me this book today. He said keeping a journal kept him from getting too lonely. I hope it works.
I haven't kept a journal since I was sixteen, but I guess I've been pretty busy since then. Now, however, time is not something I'm lacking. And maybe writing some of this stuff down will help me deal with the catastrophe that has over-taken us all.
I've lost everything. My life, my career, my friends and my family. And what makes it worse is that they don't even know I'm gone. Because I'm not.I'mstill there, the 'real' me. It's this other me, the replica, the pirated copy, who's stuck here. Alone. Forever. How can I accept that? How can I bear it?
August 15 1998
The Colonel is really taking this badly. He keeps talking about how the 'other' Jack has stolen his life, and he's barely speaking to Harlan. In fact, he's barely speaking to any of us - even Daniel.
He misses his wife, I think. Daniel said he didn't think they were actually divorced, so maybe he hoped they'd reconcile. I can see how that would be hard on him, knowing that the 'real' Jack might be with her now, while he's stuck here with us. I feel for him. I really do, but he seems to be forgetting that the rest of us have lost people too.
Poor Daniel. I think he was crying last night. Not that he'd want any of us to know, but the idea of never seeing Sha're again is really eating at him. I'm surprised the Colonel can't see it, but he's so wrapped up in his own self-pity that he hasn't noticed. And Teal'c - well, he'll never see his wife or son again. And worse, he can't continue to fight the Goa'uld. Sometimes I think that was his reason for living - to fight for the freedom of his people. He says nothing, but I know his heart must be as heavy as the rest of ours.
In a way, I guess I'm the lucky one. I'm not leaving anyone behind. Not really. I mean there's Dad, but it's not like we've ever been close. And as for Mark, well, I can't say I miss him. Maybe it hasn't really sunk in yet that we're stuck here forever - literally, forever. Maybe I'll miss them later.
It's only been seven days.
Sam stopped reading for a moment, and closed her eyes. She pictured them, miserable and abandoned, and wondered how on earth they could have just left them there. Why hadn't they done more for them? Offered them some help? Stayed in contact, at least. How cruel, it seemed now, to have ripped their lives away and then turned their backs with one curt order to bury the Stargate, and with it any chance of a meaningful life.
With a sigh, she turned back to the book.
The first thing Jack pulled from the box was a letter. It was written on a small piece of plain paper, which had been folded neatly in half. Opening it, he saw instantly to whom it was addressed; Sarah O'Neill.
Glancing at the date, August 14th 1998, he realized that his artificial self must have written it shortly after his arrival. He tried to think back, to return in his mind to that day and to imagine how he would have felt. He remembered starting a letter to Sarah when he'd been left for dead on Argos, so he knew how hard it was to find the right words. He wasn't sure he wanted to read the letter now, but his eyes drifted down to the scrawled words and he knew his had no choice.
Dear Sarah,
You always said that one day I'd go on one of these damn fool missions and not come back. And this time, I guess you're right. Not that you'll ever know.
I'm not coming back, but he is - the guy who stole my life. Is he with you now, I wonder? Did he make it to lunch last weekend? Did we talk? Did we solve anything? I can't stand the thought of him being with you while I'm stuck here, never to see you again. But I can't stand the idea of you being so alone, either. So I guess, I hope he made it. I hope you talked and that he said the right things. If there is a right thing to say - ifanythingcan even start to make right what happened.
Maybe nothing can. Maybe nothing either of us can say could ever breach the gap left by Charlie. But I like to think it can - that, maybe, it already has. We were great together once and that has to count for something, right? It has to....
Jack put the letter down, his mind drifting back. He'd almost forgotten that tense, awkward lunch with Sarah. They'd tried, they really had. But when he saw her, he saw Charlie's mother, and when she looked into his eyes he'd known that she saw her son's staring back at her. It was impossible to move on, for either of them. Charlie had been the foundation of their relationship, and without him everything had crumbled. And in the end all that was left was dust and ashes.
He folded the letter back up and set it aside, unwilling to read more. Those hopes had been fragile and short lived; the divorce had followed within a couple of months.
September 5, 1998
Okay, it's official. I'm going nuts. This place is driving me nuts! There is no WAY I'm going to spend eternity cooped up on this godforsaken excuse for a planet. I HAVE to get out of here.
We're all feeling it. Colonel O'Neill still hasn't given the order to bury the gate, and I've seen the way he looks at it sometimes - I know what he's thinking, because I'm thinking it too. We know that we can't go 'home' - they made it clear enough that they didn't want us. But Earth's not the only planet, right? And we're so much quicker, stronger and smarter than we were before. It's such a waste to just rot here.
There has to be a way. There just has to be.
September 10, 1998
I think I might have cracked it! I was working with the Colonel down in section ten-sixteen, and we needed to contact Harlan when the internal coms were down. The Colonel made a crack about wishing he had his cell phone - and that's when it hit me! Power packs! We need some kind of rechargeable power packs that we can take with us through the gate.
I haven't said anything to anyone yet, in case I can't pull it off. But I think it might work. I really do.
October, 31 1998
We had a Halloween party!! Teal'c and Harlan thought we were nuts, but what the hell - we probably are. Teal'c got into the whole ghost-stories round the campfire thing though, and man, do they have scary stories on Chulak! He said they were kids' stories, but I swear even the Colonel looked spooked....
The Colonel. The Colonel. Oh boy, the Colonel....
Stopping reading, Sam studied those last few words. The Colonel. Each letter was printed, as if the writer had been deep in thought. The Colonel. Sam's heart fluttered as she recognized the first inklings of something she had grown so used to feeling that she found it hard to remember a time when she had been free of it.
Oh boy, the Colonel. Yeah, she knewthatfeeling all too well.
November 5, 1998
I test drove the prototype power pack today, and it worked a treat. The Colonel tried to insist that it was too dangerous and that he should be the one to go - I guess he really is getting cabin fever - but I talked him round. After all, smart as he is, he doesn't have my technical skills. Besides, this is my baby and I deserved to try it out.
And I can't describe the feeling of freedom it gave me to be able to walk through that gate and feel the sun on my face again, to feel the breeze on my skin and in my hair. It was the most perfect moment - I don't think I ever knew what it was to be alive until now. Which is kind of ironic, really.
Now all I have to do is build three more, and SG-1 is back in business!
30 November, 1998
Our first mission! Pretty routine, thankfully. It's been a while since we've been in action, and I felt a little rusty (no pun intended). Of course, Colonel O'Neill is insisting we keep up the whole military routine now. I guess I can see his point. But I can't help thinking it would be nice if we could be a little less formal sometimes. It's not that we don't have fun together, because we do. It's just that there's a camaraderie between Daniel, Teal'c and O'Neill that doesn't seem to be there between me and him; our relative ranks puts a kind of tension between us, and I regret that. I'm not sure why, exactly, but I do.
Sam almost laughed out loud. "Not sure why?" she asked the silent room. "Who are you trying to kid?"
Many of the things in the box meant nothing to Jack - a small, rounded pebble, a couple of seashells, a piece of crystal that glittered in the light, as blue as the summer sky. He turned it over in his hands, before he laid in on the bed beside him.
The next thing that caught his eye was a photograph. At least, it looked like a photograph. It was of himself, covered from head to toe in dark, sticky mud, glaring at the camera. The picture had been stuck to a piece of white card, on which bright orange letters read "Who said I was growing old with dignity...?"
He turned it over and saw "Happy Birthday!" written on the back. The writing was unmistakably Carter's, although everyone - including Harlan - had signed it. He smiled, turning back to the picture again, and wondered when it had been taken. And where.
Returning to the box, he saw another picture and pulled it out. This one was of Carter. Again, it was off-world, and she was dressed in her usual fatigues, the peak of her cap throwing a shadow over her face, though not enough to hide her beautiful smile. It was a great picture - her hair, poking out from beneath her hat, glinted golden in the sunshine, and the expression in her eyes was so full of laughter that he found himself smiling. For a crazy moment he was tempted to slip the photo into his pocket, until he reminded himself that he had no right to even be looking at it, let alone stealing it. And, of course, he had to remember that the woman smiling in the picture wasn't his Carter, she wasn't even human.
As he set it carefully with the growing pile on the bed, he suddenly wondered why his artificial self would have kept such a picture. Could it be possible, he thought, that he too had developed feelings for Carter?
It wasn't something he'd really considered before. He couldn't remember feeling anything but comradely affection for Carter when they'd first encountered Harlan, although his feelings for her had evolved so gradually that he had no real idea when they'd started. He couldn't fix on a day or a moment, but he did remember certain events that had helped turn his battered heart from Sarah towards Carter. Despite the pain and the cold, he remembered her fierce determination to save him in Antarctica. He remembered the unexpected excitement he'd felt when Daniel had insisted that he and Carter had been engaged in an alternate reality. And he remembered his devastation when Jolinar had infested her, and when the Ashrak had almost murdered her. He remembered a hundred little moments that he'd always thought of as a catalyst for what he now felt - a passionate devotion, rooted in unshakeable admiration.
But what if all those little things hadn't occurred? Would his feelings for her still have evolved from friendship into something more? And if so, what the hell would have stopped him from acting on those feelings? Nothing, he realized, nothing but his own fear.
January 6, 1999
Oh God, something happened today and everything is upside down. I don't know what to do.
We were on a mission, and Jack got injured. It wasn't too bad, but a staff-blast depolarized his power pack and we lost him for a while. We nearly didn't make it back to the gate, and even once we got home it was touch and go - I thought that his memories might have been wiped. That would have meant that Jack was gone forever. And it terrified me.
No, that's an understatement. It horrified me. The thought of being stuck here without him was sickening. I had no idea how much I relied on him - for friendship, and comfort, and companionship. And -
Oh God, I think I might be.... I think that I might feel too much. Shit.
I know he's still mourning Sarah. He hardly ever talks about her, but sometimes, late at night when it's just us, he'll say something like "I wonder if he ever went to see her?" And he always looks so sad, so alone. How can I compete with that? How can I even presume to try?
God, I hope this is just some kind of weird reaction to being stuck here with him. It's not like I have a lot of choice for company, after all! Maybe it'll fade like a teenage crush? I hope so. I really, really hope so. I don't want to live withthisfor eternity.
Anyway, one good think that came out of the whole mess was a decision to back-up our memories on the main-frame before each mission - just in case.
February 15, 1999
It's getting worse. ThisthingI'm feeling is getting stronger and I can't stop it. I've tried not thinking about him, but it's impossible when we're living and working so closely. We were off-world yesterday, and he touched me. Just an innocent touch on my arm, but it felt like my skin was on fire! If I had blood it would have been pounding in my ears. If I had a heart it would have been racing - it certainlyfeltas though it was!
I felt like such an idiot reacting like that. I just hope he didn't notice. What would he think? Would he laugh? Would he be insulted? God forbid - would he feel sorry for me? No. He can never know. Under ordinary circumstances it would be bad enough, but here there's no way out. We're stuck here, and we're stuck together. If he found out how I feel it would be unbearable.
And maybe in time these feelings will fade. Please, let them fade. It's getting beyond a joke now. It's really starting to hurt.
Sam turned the pages impatiently, skimming the journal entries for more about O'Neill. She was afraid that Harlan might have finished his ritual before she found out what had happened in this other life of hers. But it made for painful reading. The words might as well have been written by her own hand, so accurately did they describe the ache she held in her heart. She at least knew that the Colonel returned her feelings, although the knowledge did little but add a dash of frustration to her pain.
How many times had she begged herself to stop caring for him? How many times had she longed not to want him, not to respond to his touch or the warmth in his eyes? Almost as many times as she'd yearned to hold him, to feel his arms around her - to be where she most wanted to be.
She closed her eyes against the familiar pain and took a deep breath. She knew how her own story turned out - the regulations saw to that - but she couldn't help but hope that in this other life, things had worked out differently.
23 February, 1999
I feel like such an adolescent, confessing my secrets to my journal. The only difference is I reallydon'thave anyone else to talk to!
Things are getting worse. A lot worse. In fact I think that I...
Oh hell, I hope no one reads this -- I think I might be in love with him.
How stupid is that? Damn stupid.
Well, there's nothing I can do about how I feel, so I'll just have to concentrate on making sure that he, or anyone else, never finds out. So, as of tomorrow, I'm going to see as little of him as possible. No more one-on-one hockey games. No more late-night video sessions. No more poker. From now on, business will be business.
28 February, 1999
Well, as far as plans went, that one was a failure. A total failure. Because he, of course, wanted to know what was going on...
I'd left the guys with Harlan, playing poker, and come back to my quarters. I told them I had some work I wanted to get done, but in fact I just crashed out, thinking about how much I wanted to be back there with them all. With him. And about how much better it was that I was here, lonely and trying to do the right thing.
The Colonel, of course, chose that moment to turn up. I knew it was him just from the knock - three sharp, efficient raps. Nothing timid about the Colonel.
Cursing silently I tried to think of a way to get rid of him, but when you don't sleep, eat or get headaches excuses are hard to come by. In the end, I just sat up and called out. "Come in."
His gaze instinctively turned towards my workbench, before he found me cross-legged on the bed. "Carter?" he said. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," I replied, striving for innocence. "Why?"
"I thought you were working."
"I'm taking a break."
He frowned and folded his arms. "You sure you're okay? You've been a little...off the last few days."
I knew he'd be able to see the lie in my eyes, so I dropped his gaze and stared at the floor as I said. "Off, sir? What do you mean?"
He didn't reply immediately, but I could see his feet start to move towards me as he came and perched on the opposite end of the bed. "You've been avoiding us," he said. His voice was very quiet, and it made me look up. His eyes immediately caught mine and he added, in an even softer tone, "You've been avoidingme."
"No!" I objected immediately.
"Then how come you're sitting in here, on your own, and not out there with the rest of us?"
I stiffened slightly at that. A woman was allowed a little time to herself, wasn't she? "I guess I just wanted to be alone," I told him, with rather more pepper than I'd intended.
"Is that what this is about?" he asked. "Personal space?"
"Yeah," I lied.
He glanced at me sideways, an odd look on his face, and said, "I guess things are gonna be a little different between us now."
I started to feel queasy. "Different, sir?"
"Now that we're here and not...there. Not in the Air Force."
"Nothing needs to change," I assured him hurriedly, afraid that he knew, that I'd betrayed myself somehow.
"No," he replied, rather too quickly, turning his head so that he was staring down at the floor. "No. You're right, Carter. Nothing needs to change."
I couldn't look at him, because I knew he'd see the truth in my face. And I couldn't think of anything to add. So we sat there in silence for a while, both lost in thought, until the Colonel suddenly stood up. "Well, I'll quit bugging you," he said, offering me a slight smile.
"Thank you," I replied, unsure if I was happy or sad to see him go. Even in silence I can draw a kind of warmth from his presence, and in his absence I feel increasingly alone.
And so he went, and left me here, alone with my thoughts. And even writing them down hasn't helped. I wonder what terrible sin I've committed to land me in this particular hell; trapped in a body that will live forever, loving a man who is still in love with his wife.
Jack glanced at his watch. Harlan had been gone for almost an hour and a half, and any moment now Jack expected him - or Carter - to walk in on him and demand to know what he was doing, rummaging through someone else's belongings.
He listened for a moment, but heard nothing and so turned back to the box. It was emptier now, but he pulled out what appeared to be another letter. Not to Sarah, he hoped, as he unfolded the paper.
The writing was definitely his, but it rambled haphazardly across the page and was barely readable. He wondered if robots could get drunk. Peering closer, his interest was instantly caught when he saw to whom the letter was addressed.
June 14, 1999
Carter,
I can't imagine how the hell I'm going to get out of this one, so I'm writing this now in the hopes that you'll find it if you ever find my body.
I guess itismy body. It's taken a while for me to accept what we've become, but I think at last I have. Like Harlan says, we're better. Faster, stronger, smarter.... Well, maybe not smarter. Not me, anyhow.
How long's it been now? Eleven months? And it's been quite a ride, hasn't it? I guess I never thought it would end so soon. I thought we had plenty of time. All the time in the world - all the time in the galaxy, even. That's irony for you.
My power's failing - I think the power module might have been damaged in the fall, and it's getting harder for me to see. Either that, or night's coming. I can't tell. Either way, I don't have much time. So I'll say this while I can: when they left us on 989 I thought they'd taken everything from me, my whole damn life. I thought I'd lost it all. But pretty soon I began to realize that what they'd left me with was so much more important than what they'd taken away: Daniel, Teal'c and you. Especially you, Carter.
What I feel for you is inappropriate in so many ways - I know that, but I can't help it. I didn't invite these feelings, I didn't even know what was happening until I was in the middle of it. But the fact is, you have become incredibly important to me, Carter. No, more than important. Essential. I still feel as though we were cheated out of our real lives, but I want you to know that sharing this time with you has more than taken the edge off the loss. And for that I'm more grateful than you can ever know.
There's so much I want to say to you, Sam, but I don't think I can write anymore-
And there the letter ended.
Jack shivered. He'd witnessed the actual death of his duplicate, and yet somehow this dying letter shook him. Perhaps because the thoughts were so intimately familiar, perhaps because they were written in his own handwriting? Whatever the reason, something inside him froze as he read the words of regret, and wondered if he would find himself writing a similar letter sometime in the future. There was so muchhewanted to say to Carter. So much that had to remain unsaid, for the sake of the team, the SGC, and the whole damn planet.
Sam let her eyes drift over the closely packed words on each small page, looking for his name. Most of the journal was made up of accounts of their various missions - the eventful and the dull. She had recorded all their victories against the Goa'uld, and Sam was surprised at how many there had been, given their limited resources. But O'Neill was hardly mentioned; it almost seemed as though her double had been deliberately avoiding him - in thought as much as in person.
She skipped through the pages, months passing beneath her fingertips, until she reached a page that looked very different from the others. Her writing was cramped and tense, the ink dark on the page and the words almost chaotic.
June 14, 1999
Jack's gone. I think he's dead. And it's my fault.
We were meant to get back to the gate yesterday, but the deuterium levels here are so high that I persuaded the Colonel to lengthen our expedition. God, I wish I'd just kept my damn mouth shut.
But how was I to know? How were any of us? Everything seemed fine. Today dawned as brilliant as yesterday and the glacier was dazzling in the sunshine, the air still, cold and silent. Perfect. Until the storm hit. It came out of nowhere and slammed into us like a freight train; the wind was so strong we could barely walk, driving the snow and ice against us until the weight of it on our frozen clothing almost dragged us to our knees. But we kept going, thinking that our best chance of survival lay in getting back to the gate; strong as we are, the storm was so fierce it was damaging all of our systems, including our power units.
I'm not sure how long we'd been walking when it happened. A couple of hours, at least. Teal'c was in the lead, Daniel following behind, then me and then the Colonel. The only way we could keep together was to link hands as we forced our way through the storm. And then, from behind us, there came a screeching cracking sound that even penetrated the incessant howling of the wind. I couldn't see a thing through the blizzard, but I did hear the Colonel yell and then I felt him let go of my hand and he was gone. Just gone.
I screamed his name, but there was no reply. And I dared not move, blind as I was in the snowstorm.
"Sam?" Daniel shouted in my ear. "What is it?"
"The Colonel's gone!" I yelled back. "I don't know what happened! He just let go and disappeared."
I felt Teal'c's firm hand on my shoulder. "We must return to the gate, Captain," he told me. "If we remain here, we will die."
"I won't leave him!" I shouted through the storm.
Howling wind filled the silence until Teal'c spoke again. "Then we must seek shelter," he said. "For even we cannot survive in this much longer."
He was right, and I knew it. But it tore me apart to walk away from Jack, from where I'd lost him.
And so here I am. Shivering in the snow-hole we dug, waiting. Outside the storm still rages and my heart is as cold as the ice that surrounds us knowing that Jack is out there in it, alone. I wish it were me instead. It should have been. I was the one who insisted we stay here. It's my fault. All my fault.
June 15, 1999
After another couple of hours, the storm abated and we crawled out of our shelter. It was almost dark by then, but as the storm lifted stars began to glitter in the sky above us.
"Captain Carter," Teal'c said, "we do not have long."
I nodded, understanding his meaning; our power modules only lasted for forty-eight hours and we were approaching their limit.
We retraced our steps as best we could in the aftermath of the storm, but as it turned out it wasn't difficult to find where we'd left Jack. The crevasse that had opened up was long, wide and deep. And Jack was somewhere inside.
"He's not responding to the radio," Daniel said immediately. He didn't need to tell me - I'd been trying since we first lost him.
Dropping to my knees, I peered over the edge and called his name. There was no answer, but as I looked more closely I thought I saw something down there in the gathering darkness - a darker mass against the ice. "Colonel!" I yelled again. And faintly, so faint I almost thought I was imagining it, I saw a movement. "I see him!" The relief that washed over me would have been overwhelming were it not for the edge of fear that laced it; we only had a couple of hours before our power modules failed, and we still had to get him out.
"We have to get down there," Daniel was muttering, glancing anxiously at the darkening sky.
"I'll go," I volunteered immediately.
"Ah, wouldn't Teal'c...?"
I shook my head. "If he's damaged, I'll need to try and repair him so he can climb out." I paused then, glancing at both Daniel and Teal'c. "Don't wait too long," I told them. "Make sure you get back to the gate in time."
Daniel's silent nod wasn't convincing, but I knew that Teal'c would do the right thing. I glanced at him and he gave a steady nod. "Good luck, Captain Carter."
The climb down was beyond difficult. If I'd still been human there was no way in hell I'd have done it. Even with my additional strength and agility, it was almost the end of me. But at last, slipping and sliding as I struggled down, I saw the Colonel. A ledge protruded from the ice, fairly wide, and the Colonel lay on it, unmoving. As I jumped the last few feet, I called up into the night. "I've found him!"
Daniel's anxious voice drifted down. "Is he okay?"
Good question. The Colonel was curled up on his side, a dusting of snow had reached even this far down and covered him lightly. Crouching at his side, I lay my fingers against his face and shivered at the icy touch of his flesh. "Colonel?" I called quietly. "Colonel O'Neill?"
He stirred slightly, a barely perceptible movement of his lips as he whispered, "Dark."
"It's night, sir."
"Can't see...."
"It's okay," I assured him, wishing it was. "Are you hurt?"
He was drifting off and I shook him, hard. "Colonel! Talk to me. Are you hurt?"
His eyes opened, but they were blank and sightless. "Power," he murmured, and then reached out a hand towards me. "Carter?"
"Yeah," I replied, taking his hand in mine. "I'm gonna get you out of here, sir."
He laughed. I don't know where he found the energy, but he laughed. "Not this time, Captain."
I ignored him. "We tried to raise you on the radio."
"Not working," he replied, dropping my hand. "Power unit's malfunctioning. It's almost gone."
"Let me see," I said then.
"Carter..." he started to protest, but he was in no position to stop me.
I rolled him onto his back and pulled open his clothes until I could access the power unit. He said nothing more, but when I glanced up I noticed him scrunching a piece of paper firmly in one hand. I never found out what it was, but I think I know - he must have thought he was going to die. It was probably a letter to Sarah.
As soon as I saw the power unit, I knew he was right. It was damaged and draining power. There was no way he could climb, no way he could wait for us to return with a replacement. But I wasn't going to give up that easily. I rummaged in our med kit (not that Janet would find anything useful in it!) and pulled out the roll of electrical wire we use for the occasional field repair. And that's when it hit me!
"Colonel," I said, unzipping my jacket, "we can share."
He blinked blindly at the night sky. "What?"
"Share power. You can share my unit until we get back to the gate."
There was a hint of hope on his face. "How?"
I smiled. "Think extension cable."
It didn't take long to patch him into my unit. I felt the drain instantly and sank to my knees in response to the sudden drop in power.
"Carter?" The Colonel was sitting up now, light returning to his eyes. He grinned. "I can see."
"How do you feel?"
"Better," he replied, and then frowning he added, "How about you?"
"I'm okay," I assured him, although I'm not sure if he was convinced. I certainly wasn't.
The thin cable that trailed between us was a couple of feet long, but I knew it would still make the climb to the surface difficult. Slowly, I got my feet under me and stood up, surprised to feel the Colonel's supportive hand under my elbow. Glancing over at him I smiled my thanks. He nodded, but for a moment there was something more in his eyes, something intense that flipped my stomach over. I don't know what it was exactly - maybe it was just relief, or maybe I was imagining it - but it was warm and full of gratitude.
He broke the glance quickly, and his hand dropped from my arm. "I guess we'd better hurry, Carter."
"Yeah," I agreed, turning my attention back to the climb. "I figure we only have an hour, tops."
If I thought the climb down was bad, the climb up was even worse. We were both equally weak, and with every foot we climbed we got weaker and weaker. I could feel waves of darkness rolling in at the edges of my vision and knew that we didn't have long. Beside me I could see the Colonel's fingers shaking as he climbed the ice and I prayed that he could carry on - that we both could.
By the time I felt Daniel's hands on my arms, pulling me out of the crevasse, it was all I could do to stand. And even then, my knees were shaking so hard he had to hold me up. Colonel O'Neill was even worse. He just dropped to the ground and would have stayed there if Teal'c hadn't grabbed him and pulled him to his feet. And so between them, Daniel and Teal'c half-carried and half-dragged us back to the gate. Another couple of minutes, and neither the Colonel nor I would have made it. Of that I'm sure.
This evening, once we were all patched up by Harlan (who'd been pulling what's left of his hair out because we were so late) the Colonel stopped by my quarters.
"Hey," he said, as he poked his head around the door. "Busy?"
I was, but I lied. "No, sir. How are you?"
"Alive," he replied, stepping fully into the room. "Thanks to you."
I smiled, his thanks bringing an irritating flush to my face. "Any time," I assured him.
He nodded, looking uncomfortable, and thrust his hands into his pockets. "Teal'c said you wouldn't go back to the gate without me," he said quietly.
I swallowed. Damn. "I'm sorry, sir," I replied. "I know I should have made sure Daniel and Teal'c got back first, but I just couldn't...." I stopped, unwilling to tell him that I couldn't bear to leave him; that I'd have rather died there than lose him. I forced a smile. "No one gets left behind, right?"
"That's right," he agreed, lifting his eyes to my face. He was serious, watching me as if weighing a decision in his mind. And then he added, almost hesitantly, "I would have done the same thing, Carter. I couldn't have left you behind either." As he spoke that look was in his eyes again; half-questioning and half-hoping, drawing me in with its intensity.
I swallowed, unsure what he was feeling. "Militarily," I said quietly, "it wasn't a sound decision."
"I know," he replied, still fixing me with his serious, dark eyes. "But we don't work for the military any more, do we? So we're not bound by their...regulations."
Regulations? I couldn't tell if he was still talking about the mission - or something else. "But in situations like that," I flustered, "it would have been safer to stick to procedures - for the sake of team safety."
At last he looked away. "Is that what you think?" he asked me. "That we should carry on like we're still SG-1?"
"I guess," I replied, surprised by the flash of disappointment I saw on his face. "At least, when we're on a mission."
His eyes were on mine again. "And the rest of the time?"
"Hey - Jack, Sam?" Daniel opened the door. "You have to come see this. General O'Neill just sent a foosball table through the quantum mirror!" He grinned at me. "Plus a whole box of Snickers bars. And beer!"
The Colonel turned away, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "Gotta love that guy," he said, casting me a rueful smile that spoke of unfinished business. "Come on Carter, let's go check out the care package."
And so we did, but I have to confess that my mind didn't stray far from our strange, interrupted conversation for the rest of the day. I can't help but hope that we finish it sometime. Sometime soon.
The next thing of interest Jack found was a small, metallic object. Oblong and gray it felt cool and slick beneath his fingers as he examined it. He must have touched something though, because it came to life in his hands and an image coalesced on its surface. It was Carter, lying on what looked like a very sandy beach, wearing.... Oh, wow. Oh. Wow. Jack swallowed hard as he took in the expanse of bare flesh. He'd never seen, he'd never really seen her in a.... Oh, wow. She lay on her side, head propped up on one hand, reading a book through dark glasses. "I'm dreaming," Jack muttered to himself, staring at the image. "Only I never had a dream this good!" And then, all of a sudden, Carter began to move and her voice, perfectly recorded, drifted from the device above a backdrop of ocean waves.
"Is that thing on?" she asked, looking up at what was obviously a camera.
"Yeah," he heard his own voice reply. "I'm just testing it."
"Well, can you test it some place else? You're casting a shadow."
The angle of the camera moved slightly, as its operator stepped around in front of her. "Better?"
Carter sat up and lowered her glasses, peeking out over their rims. "What are you doing?" she asked flatly.
"Admiring the view."
Jack almost choked when he heard the words. Admiring the view? Not that it wasn't admirable, but....
Carter smiled. And not just any smile. This was a long, slow smile he'd never seen before; warm, affectionate and very intimate. His heart started racing. "You're meant to be recording the inscriptions for Daniel," she pointed out.
"Yeah, well, I found a more interesting subject."
Her smile turned into a grin. "I doubt Daniel would agree."
"I've got a spare tape."
"You know," Carter said, elegantly rising to her feet. "I could have you up on charges for this, Colonel - sexual harassment of a junior officer."
Jack barely heard her words, so intently was he admiring the long, slender legs that she'd uncurled. Damn, but she looked incredible. He swallowed hard and considered turning the device off - only he didn't know how to, and....
"It's a long way back to Washington," came O'Neill's reply.
Carter took a step closer. "Well, in that case maybe I'll just have to...." She lunged, the camera lurched, and all Jack could see was sand and, in the distance, gently rolling waves. The sound of laughter filled the air.
And then he heard his own laughing voice gasp, "Oh, you have so had it, Captain!" The camera dropped to the ground, but the angle was such that Jack could make out Carter's lithe form sprinting across the beach towards the sea, closely followed by O'Neill. He caught her just as she reached the shore line, and to Jack's utter astonishment he swept her up in his arms, strode out into the deepening water, and dropped her with a splash. Water streaming from her hair, Carter resurfaced instantly, grabbed him and pulled him in after her. Jack watched, transfixed and not a little jealous, as they splashed about, laughing and shouting until for some reason they quieted. He looked closer, their figures small in the distance. They were standing waist deep in water, very close and no longer laughing. In fact it looked like.... Oh yes, it definitely looked like.... Yep. That was a kiss. And another. And...oh, nowthatwas a kiss!
Jack found he was holding his breath when the screen faded into darkness, and he almost dropped the device as an avalanche of emotions crashed in on him. Any sense of discomfort he might have felt at watching such a private moment was overwhelmed by the mixture of excitement and longing the scene evoked. It was as if he'd had a glimpse of what could have been, had things been different - had there been no regulations, no protocols. No one to disapprove. And Carter had looked so happy and relaxed - so different from how she was around him. There was no tension, no distance. No sir.
He closed his eyes, but the image of that smile swam in his mind, teasing him with its intimate warmth. Would she ever smile at him like that? Could they ever be that happy? That carefree? "God," he murmured, sinking his head into his hands, "and I thought he was theunluckyone!"
And as he sat there, trying to swallow the yearning that rose in his throat, he remembered Harlan's words: "They were happy here, you know."
Jack sighed, realizing for the first time that it was the truth.
August 15, 1999
1415 hours
I think we might have found paradise. Long white beaches, sunshine, and peace. This planet is the most perfect place we've ever been.
We first discovered it a couple of months back, and we've been coming here on and off ever since. There was obviously a civilization here at one point, because the jungle is full of ruins that Daniel finds utterly fascinating. But for Teal'c, O'Neill, Harlan and I, the main attraction is definitely the beach! We come here on our downtime quite often - it's not like there's much to do back on P3X-989.
It's only the Colonel and I this time, because the rest of the guys are doing some maintenance in section 16-12 and couldn't get away. We take it in turns, and this time the Colonel and I got lucky.
I'm on the beach right now, enjoying the feel of the sunshine on my back. I wonder if I'll tan? I'll have to ask Harlan when we get back. You have to give the guy some credit though, these bodies of ours definitely feel human. Only better. For example, we don't need to sleep, but can if we choose to. We don't need to eat, but can if we like. We don't get sick, we're stronger, and faster and...
"Hey Carter! You should see these fish!"
The internal radios are bit of a pain in the butt though. That was the Colonel, speaking right into my head. He's way out in the sea, diving I think. We don't need to breath either, which helps.
It's a little odd, being here alone with him. And I mean really alone. Not a native in sight. Just me, him and the deep blue sea. In other circumstances it would be incredibly romantic. Huh, better not dwell onthatfor too long. Far too dangerous.
1900 hours
Beach. Sunset. Fire. Roasting fish. All we need now is some beer. Perfect.
As the sun sets the air's getting a little cooler, but it feels great against my skin. The sand beneath my toes is still warm, and the sound of the ocean is almost hypnotic as I watch the waves roll in and out. I'm sleepy and content and I'm wondering if life can get any better.
Midnight
It can. And it just did.
We ate quietly, both of us enjoying the peace and the view as the sun turned the sky fantastic shades of violet and pink before it dropped behind the ocean. Jack sat close by, his elbow bumping me occasionally as he ate. I glanced over at him, watching his serious face, until he turned, caught my eye, and smiled.
"Hey," he said softly, his eyes full of something unidentifiable.
"Hey," I replied.
"Good fish."
I smiled and looked away, staring back out across the water. "This was a great idea, sir."
"Yeah," he agreed. "I'm glad you came along."
"I'm glad you asked."
Silence. The stars came out, glittering across the sky like snowdrifts.
Beside me I felt the Colonel shift, and he rose to his feet. "It's a beautiful evening," he said.
"It is," I agreed, looking up at him.
He held out his hand for me. "You wanna go for a walk?"
Slowly, hardly believing what was happening, I reached up and took his hand, letting him pull me to my feet. "That sounds nice."
He smiled, his dark eyes entrancing in the starlight, stealing my breath for a moment as we stood together, our hands still touching. And then, reluctantly, we broke apart and he looked away. "Left or right?" he asked, glancing up and down the beach.
"Left," I decided.
Still barefoot, the water lapped around our feet as we trailed along the edge of the surf, talking quietly. We walked close together, our arms occasionally brushing, until I felt Jack's hand tentatively close around mine again. Looking up I saw the question in his eyes and smiled, lacing my fingers through his. And so we walked on, hand in hand, talking about life - our odd, new lives and the ones we'd left behind.
And then he stopped, pulling me to a halt. "Look," he said, pointing up at the sky.
"What?"
"There," he said, pulling me closer so that my back rested against his chest as he pointed over my shoulder. "See that star?"
Gazing along the line of his finger, I said, "Yeah."
"I think it's Earth's sun."
"Wow," I breathed. "Really?"
"Beautiful, isn't it?"
After a pause I said, "Do you miss it?"
"The sun?"
"Home," I corrected, smiling despite myself. "Sarah...."
He lowered his hand until it came to rest on my shoulder. "Sometimes," he confessed. "I miss not knowing how it all turned out. Don't you? You must have left some loose ends behind too?"
"A few," I agreed, thinking of Mark and Dad.
"But," he added in a quieter voice. "There are some things I...love about this new life."
Somehow I kept my voice even as I asked, "What things?"
"Well," he murmured, close to my ear, "this for a start."
"It's a beautiful planet."
Slowly he turned me to face him. "I'm not talking about the planet."
Our eyes locked, but neither of us spoke for a long time. His hands were still on my shoulders, their warm weight anchoring me against the torrent of emotions I felt as slowly, so slowly we drew closer together. I closed my eyes and could feel his breath against my lips as he whispered, "Sam, may I kiss you?"
"Yes," I managed to reply before his lips found mine. It was a sweet, loving kiss, but as he pulled back I could see the fire burning in his eyes, could feel the flames igniting in my blood, and knew that we both wanted more. Passion flared between us, ardent and insistent, pulling us both down into the sun-warmed sand and into each other's arms for a long, long time.
It's much later now, and he's asleep next to me, one arm curled around my waist while I sit here writing. I don't feel like sleeping yet, there's too much to feel and to remember. I could never have imagined how much emotion he kept locked behind that inscrutable façade or how tenderly he could express it. But tonight he showed me, and I've never felt so overwhelmed, and so loved, in my life. And I know I've never been this happy. I'm on a planet half way across the galaxy from where I was born, yet I know that tonight I found my way home at last.
Sam closed the book hurriedly, her face flushed with surprise and embarrassment.
She couldn't read any more. She didn't want to know. It was too...painful, too frustrating, too....
"Carter?" She jumped, startled, as she saw O'Neill standing awkwardly in the doorway.
"Sir!" she nodded, dropping the journal onto the bed.
O'Neill took a step inside, his eyes darting to and from her strangely, as if he couldn't quite bring himself to look at her. And couldn't quite bring himself to look away, either. "Nice place," he mumbled, glancing around the room. "Cozy."
He wondered over to the shelves lining the walls and then stopped dead, staring at something. Curious, Sam came to stand at his shoulder. "What is it?" she asked.
O'Neill reached out and picked the object up. "Photo," he said quietly, gazing at it for a moment before handing it to her. It was of them both, laughing as they stood on a long, white beach with their arms wrapped around each other. A nice picture. A happy picture.
"Oh," Sam replied, the images from the journal flooding her mind and bringing a new blush to her cheeks. She cleared her throat. "I, um, got the impression that they had a more...intimate relationship than we do, sir."
He flung her a quick look that might almost have been a smile. "Yeah, I got that impression too," he agreed.
Sam looked away, trying to change the subject. "Did you, um, find your quarters? I mean, his quarters, sir?"
"Yeah," he replied, taking the photograph from her hand and replacing it on the shelf. "They were kinda small." He glanced at her again, and this time she definitely saw a smile in his eyes. "But I get the feeling that he probably didn't spend a whole lot of time there."
"Oh," Sam replied. And then, with a sigh, she said, "This is a little - strange, sir."
"You noticed, huh?"
Sam held his gaze, watching the emotions play over his face in a rare moment of openness between them. "You know what's ironic, sir?" she said quietly.
"What?"
"That they probably they thought they were stuck here forever. That they'd live forever, and that they had all the time in the world...."
"...in the galaxy, even."
She smiled. "Yeah. But as it turns out, they just had a couple of years together."
O'Neill nodded slowly, still watching her. "You know," he said, "if this was a movie one of us would say something about seizing the moment. Carpe diem, and all that."
"And then we'd kiss and everything would fade to black," she agreed wryly. "No consequences."
"No consequences," he sighed, giving her an odd, almost guilty look. "No Air Force and no Goa'uld." He took a step closer. "You know, sometimes I wish...."
"I know," she interrupted hurriedly, not wanting to hear it, not sure if she could bear to. He looked away when she cut him off, his jaw clamped tightly together, and her heart contracted painfully. More softly she repeated, "I know, Jack. Sometimes I wish too."
His eyes returned to her, studying her face. "It's kinda funny, really," he said, "but when I told him to bury the Stargate, I thought I was taking everything from him; I hated myself for it, but what choice did I have?"
"None," Sam agreed.
He shrugged. "But as it turns out, I was wrong. I wasn't taking everything. In fact, he got the one thing I want most in the world, and the one thing I can't have." Her breath caught in her throat at his words, and she found herself unable to reply. O'Neill smiled ruefully, and looked away. "Sorry, Carter," he mumbled, "that was out of line."
"It's okay," she assured him quietly. "I mean...."
"No." He held up his hand to halt her. "It's not okay," he said, "and we both know it. But there's not a damn thing we can do about it, so.... Let's just find Harlan and get the hell out of here. This place is driving me crazy."
Sam paused, saw his frustration harden into determination, and sighed. "Yes, sir," she murmured as he turned and opened the door, holding it for her as she walked passed him and out of the room. He didn't look at her again, and she didn't look at him, her mind too full of his words - 'he got the one thing I want most in the world, and the one thing I can't have.' Her heart ached in sympathy, his words mirroring her own feelings. And as they walked silently through the empty corridors, her thoughts turned to a long white beach and a happiness that seemed unreachable.
Harlan kept the 'ceremony' as brief as he dared, before the bodies were lowered into the recycling chamber. Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter were subdued as they watched, and he suspected that they had gained some glimpse into his friends' lives.
Once it was complete, he escorted them back to the Stargate without further delay; they seemed eager to leave, and he had no wish for them to stay.
"If you need anything," Carter said as the gate started spinning, "you'll let us know, right?"
"Carter!" O'Neill protested, but Harlan suspected it was more for show than anything else.
He smiled at her, still not used to her short, cropped hair. "My thanks, to you Major Carter."
At that moment the Stargate splashed open, and he jumped back a little, never getting used to its sudden ignition.
O'Neill pulled his cap down tight on his head. "Time to go," he said, nodding Carter towards the gate. Carter smiled a farewell, and moved to stand at his side.
For a moment O'Neill remained motionless, his eyes fixed on the floor, and then, with an obvious reluctance, he sighed and turned back. "Listen, Harlan," he said, "about what I said earlier...."
"Earlier?"
"About them not being happy here?" He frowned, and half glanced at Carter before carrying on. "You were right. I think they were happy. Very."
Harlan beamed. "Yes," he agreed. "So very happy."
"And for what it's worth," O'Neill continued, "I'm sorry it had to end so soon. It seems kind of ironic, really, considering what they had going here...."
Major Carter's eyes were fixed on O'Neill, a mixture of sweet pain and regret playing across her features. Harlan sighed at the sight. "I hope that you find such happiness yourself, Colonel O'Neill," he replied. "You're much less...rude, when you're happy."
Carter's lips twisted into a grin, repressed only when O'Neill flung her a look that dared her to laugh.
"Be seeing ya, Harlan," O'Neill nodded, turning back towards the gate. Carter walked at his side, but on the threshold they paused. Their eyes met, and O'Neill reached out and nudged the peak of her cap upward a little, so he could see her eyes. It was an affectionate gesture Harlan had seen hundreds of times, yet it seemed to surprise them both. But as the Colonel's hand fell awkwardly back to his side, Harlan heard his quiet words, "One of these days, Carter," he murmured, "I'm gonna take you to the beach."
And then he stepped into the shimmering Stargate and was gone. Carter's astonished expression softened into a slow smile before, shaking her head, she followed him into the wormhole. Harlan watched, his breath caught in his throat, until the sparkling surface sputtered out of existence and he knew that he was alone.
After a moment a voice behind him said, "Have they gone?"
Turning, he saw Colonel O'Neill peering cautiously around the corner of the corridor.
"Yes," he replied, hurrying towards him. "All gone."
O'Neill stepped out from around the corner, followed by Captain Carter. They both eyed the Stargate warily. "And you're sure they didn't suspect anything?" he asked.
"Nothing," Harlan replied, pleased with himself. "Nothing at all."
"Because if they did, they'll come back," he warned. "He'll close us down; he won't let us keep running around out there."
"Do you really think he would?" Carter asked. "Close us down?"
O'Neill shrugged. "Iwould. Wouldn't you?"
"Yeah," she admitted after a moment. "I guess so."
"Plus," O'Neill added, "that guy issucha jerk! He would never understand what we have here - what we are."
Carter smiled and shook her head, "Jack, deny it as much as you like, butheis you."
"No," O'Neill shook his head. "No he isn't - he's still wearing that uniform and carrying all the baggage that goes with it. And that isn't me anymore." He smiled at her then, "Thank God."
Returning his smile she moved closer, slipping her hand into his. "Do you think they were like us - together, I mean?"
"Doubt it," O'Neill replied. "Did you see how tense they were? Both looked like they had poles shoved up their asses!"
Carter's eyes widened at the image. "I guess they were a little on edge," she agreed. "But I think they care. I mean, did you see the way they looked at each other? There was something between them."
"You know what I saw?" he asked her quietly.
"What?"
"Regulations. I saw regulations between them."
Carter nodded. "Yeah," she sighed. "Me too." She shook her head sadly, "It's such a shame. They both looked so...I don't know...lonely, I guess."
Harlan saw O'Neill's fingers tighten around Carter's. "Still," the Colonel reminded her with a small smile, "don't feel too sorry for them, Sam."
"Why not?" she replied, still wistful.
"Well - for a start they can get Showtime."
She rolled her eyes. "Showtime?"
"And HBO."
Carter opened her mouth to reply when Teal'c's voice boomed down the hall. "Colonel O'Neill," he called, "Daniel Jackson is waking up."
"At last!" O'Neill replied, turning immediately as he and Carter strode towards the lab.
"All will be well," Harlan assured them as he hurried along the corridor behind them. "The data transfer has been successful."
"Yeah, well, I'll believe that when I see it," O'Neill muttered.
As the Colonel hurried ahead, Carter dropped back to walk at Harlan's side. "So how much data did you manage to retrieve from Daniel?" she asked, her curiosity as bright as ever.
"Almost all," Harper replied, earning himself a beautiful smile in reward. "All but the last few hours, I believe."
She nodded. "Probably for the best, anyway. And there were no problems with the integration into the beta-body?"
"None," he assured her. "Everything went as we had anticipated, Captain."
Flexing her arm, she said, "It certainly feels as good as the old one."
"Looks pretty damn hot, too," O'Neill added, flinging her a grin over his shoulder. And then he frowned, stopped, and said. "By the way, did you notice howgrayhe'd gotten?"
Carter arched an eyebrow. "I thought it was quite distinguished, actually," he told him. "It made him look..."
"Old?"
"Sexy," Carter amended.
"You're kidding me?"
Shaking her head, she brushed past him with a smile. "Do you really think so, Colonel?"
Blinking, O'Neill watched her until she disappeared into the lab. And then he jerked into motion, following her. "Yeah, well," he said as he pushed open the door, "I thought her short hair was incredibly cute,actually. And...."
The door swung shut behind them, muffling the rest of their words. But Harlan smiled, the familiar banter as welcome as summer rain; his friends were back, his family were home. And he was at peace again.
-End-
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Sally Reeve
Heliopolis Main Archive
A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
Double Discovery
by Sally ReeveSite Navigation
Support Heliopolis