Leaving Jack
by serafine

Rated: PG
Classification: Sam/Jack fic
Genre: Angst, Drama
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate. No foul, no profit, no sue.
Warnings: Language
Spoilers: Um… oh, yea. Season 4 Stargate Atlantis, episode 2 “Lifeline”, specifically
Archiving: Heliopolis and wherever - though please let me know so I can visit
Feedback: Treasured lovingly and fed well at poeyfarre@yahoo.com
Final Completion Date: 9/28/07

* * * * * * *

The fight had been slowly brewing all afternoon. Sam could see it coming when she told him the Air Force’s offer. Jack’s eyes had darkened dangerously, but he hadn’t really said anything other than “Atlantis, eh?”

He had been quiet all through dinner. That was another bad sign. A quiet Jack is a thoughtful Jack.

It was just getting dark outside. They had settled in the living room in front of a fire.

The papers sitting on the table caught Sam’s eye again and she finally got up the nerve to say, “Don’t you want to talk about this? I have to call Washington tomorrow with my answer. If we’re going to discuss this, it has to be tonight.”

Jack turned and looked at her. “No. This is your decision.”

“Am I alone in this relationship?”

“No, Sam. But it is your decision,” He repeated quietly.

“But I want your input. I don’t want to make a decision without discussing it with you.”

Jack got up and slowly walked over to the fireplace. It wasn’t really necessary, but he had made a fire anyway. He poked at it, methodically turning over the wood.

“C’mon, Jack, please, say something.”

He finally turned and looked at Sam and said, “So, what are you going to tell them?”

She took a deep breath and said “I – I think I want to go.”

Jack exhaled sharply. “I see. So that’s it then?”

“Well, if you are not willing to discuss it with me, then yes, I guess that’s it then.”

Picking up the orders from the coffee table, Jack shook the papers in her general direction. “I can’t believe you are seriously considering this.” His face had finally changed, the anger beginning to push through.

“Do you really think I can tell them no? Weir is gone and they need someone out there ASAP.” A muscle in Jack’s jaw clenched at the mention of her name.

“Then why the hell do you want to discuss it? If you’ve made up your mind, Carter, then there is really nothing to discuss. You just want to pick a fight with me so you will feel better about leaving.” Jack’s eyes were very dark now.

Her mouth fell open and her eyes lit up. “That’s not it at all.”

Jack’s eyes narrowed. “You want to go to Atlantis and try and fill Weir’s shoes? Don’t let me stop you.”

“You don’t actually think I’m capable of being a base commander, do you?”

“Oh, that’s bullshit and you know it. It’s just because... because…” His voice broke off.

“What, Jack? Because what?”

Jack’s temper finally blew. “DAMN it, Carter! We have waited so long.” The hand holding the papers curled into a fist. “And now you’re just going to walk back out that door? Head off-world? AGAIN?!”

“Again?” Sam’s voice was very quiet and Jack knew he had hit a nerve. “You’re going to throw that in my face? I went back to SG-1 because it was what I wanted.” Her volume began to grow.

“And you encouraged me! You said, ‘Someone has to watch out for Daniel – they need you. Teal’c misses you. Mitchell’s a good guy. You should go.’ If you wanted me to stay you should have said something then! NOW is not the time to say that you didn’t want me to go back to the SGC.”

“I know you – you would have been bored.” Jack said as he threw the papers at the table between them.

“Bored with what – Area 51? Or bored with you? Is that it? You were afraid that I would have been bored if our relationship was suddenly full time? Not hidden away? Did you send me away assuming that was the best way to keep me?!”

Sam shook her head as she rose to her feet and slowly stalked towards him. “How dare you. I love you, you fucking idiot! But this offer to go to Atlantis has got nothing to do with you. This fell in my lap. I am terribly sorry about Dr. Weir, but I’ll get my own base for God’s sake! If I pass this up it will never come again – you know how the Air Force works!”

“If you want to go, go. You have never been happy sitting on the sidelines. The Atlantis posting would be perfect for you. There’s the Wraith as well as the fucking Replicators. And the bonus - it is as far away from me as you can get!” Jack’s eyes were blazing with fury. “You can continue with your perfect track record of running away from every man who has ever loved you!”

Sam went very still and then slapped his face as hard as she could. Jack continued as if she had not moved, despite the palm print on his cheek.

“Look me in the eye and tell me that I am wrong. You are so afraid that you actually are the Black Widow of the SGC that you don’t want to stick around any more. I am glad that you didn’t marry Pete – but he loved you. I love you. Hell, Martouf even loved you in his own snakey way. And you run away every time. You are so afraid of getting tied down, afraid that it will mean you are not independent, not strong, not able to take care of yourself.”

Jack shook his head and sighed. “Being with someone doesn’t make you weak, Sam. I don’t think you’ve ever truly accepted that. I think that is why you ran away to go back to the SGC two years ago and I think it is why you are going to go back to Atlantis and blow them away with your intelligence and your grace and your strength.”

“No - I don’t want you to go. But I also don’t want you to curse at me in five years and tell me that the stagnation of your career is my fault because I held you back.”

He stepped forward and grasped both of Sam’s arms in a bruising grip. “I love you. Go – have fun. Be brilliant. But don’t expect me to just sit here and wait for you to come home.”

With that, Jack turned on his heel and walked out the back door of the cabin.

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to be continued…

thanks for reading

serafine
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
- Wesley in The Princess Bride

Sam let the back door slam behind her. Jack was standing on the deck. “So that’s it? After all of these years? Bye, Sam. Have a nice life? Is that what you just said? Because that is what I heard.”

“What do you want, Carter? Am I supposed to spend another five years waiting for our timing to be right again? And you – you have men panting after you wherever you go. McKay is on Atlantis. He’d sacrifice his right nut if you gave him the time of day.”

“Is that what this is about? You think I’m going to go off and find someone else? Are you really that insecure? Or maybe you’re just blind.”

Jack’s mouth settled into an angry line.

“Have you missed the past two years? Have you missed the reports from Daniel and Teal’c every time we lost you? I thought I was going to go insane when you were on Edora. When you disappeared with Maybourne, Teal’c found me crying in the locker room. Did he ever tell you that?” Jack shook his head in response.

“That was not the proper response to my commanding officer going missing! I know that and so did everybody else! I drove myself into the ground every time you were in trouble. That’s the reason I was always left alone in the Mountain, Jack. They all knew. Not just Daniel and Teal’c and Janet. All of them. I tried to put on a good face, but it was so obvious.”

“But Pete….”

“Was a mistake. I know that now. I couldn’t have you, but I thought I could make do. He was sweet and wonderful, but he wasn’t you. That’s why I couldn’t marry him. It would have been so easy to let myself go down that road.” Sam turned and looked out towards the lake. “Don’t you think I wanted kids? A husband? Some semblance of a normal life?!”

“So then don’t go.” Jack said quietly.

“And what? We’ll get married?” Sam looked at him coldly.

“If that’s what you want.”

Sam sighed. “That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

“You don’t want to get married, Sam. You could have done that by now if that is what you truly wanted.” Jack stared at her. “You have always run from commitment. It is that simple. This is just another place to go.” He moved forward, deliberately invading her space. “If you stay here, we might take the next step. And that scares the living hell out of you.”

Sam resisted the impulse to smack him again. Instead she turned and yanked open the door and stomped into the kitchen, leaving Jack alone under the stars.

* * * * * * *

Staring into the fire, Sam had this annoying, niggling sensation that Jack might be right. About everything.

She walked back out into the cool night. Jack was no longer on the deck. He had moved down to the small dock and was looking out over the lake. The sky above them was gleaming with stars. It was a beautiful night. She loved sitting out here with him. Tonight should have been another perfect evening.

But it wasn’t. The Air Force had seen to that. Jack’s arms were folded tightly in front of him and she could see the tension of his shoulders from here.

She sighed. “You knew who I was when we started this, Jack. I am an Air Force officer – same as you. Orders change. They could have just as easily offered this to you.”

When he didn’t answer her, Sam tried a different tack. “What do you want me to do? Not go? Not try? Not succeed?”

“No. I know you have to go.” But he still didn’t turn to look at her. “I’m just frustrated. It’s so sudden. Our timing never seems right.” He sighed deeply. “Things fall into place for us, we get a few happy weeks together, and then something happens. Again.”

“I know. I don’t want to leave like this. I really didn’t want to fight. I’m sorry, Jack.” Sam jammed her hands in the back pockets of her jeans and stared up at the stars. She could feel the tears starting at the corners of her eyes.

Jack turned and grabbed her in a fierce hug. “Don’t apologize. You deserve this chance. I know that.”

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she said, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I know that, too. I just don’t know if I can take you being so far away. Going back to the SGC is one thing, Sam. You come home, you get leave. But this – God knows how long you’ll be gone.” Jack pulled back and looked at her.

“You do think I can do this, don’t you?” The years abruptly fell away from her eyes and she looked up at him like she used to – a dedicated young woman craving her commanding officer’s approval.

“What? Of course you can. You can do anything. Remember?” Jack reached out and cupped her cheek. “You are the incredible, dauntless Colonel Samantha Carter.” She nodded and sighed deeply.

“I do remember the days of late night phone calls. Being told that things had changed and I was heading out in two days for some far away place for who knows how long. It was terrifying. And Sarah and I occasionally channeled our fear into some spectacular arguments.”

Jack hugged her tightly and put his chin on top of her head. “And yes, I am afraid for you. I hate the stupid Replicators. The Wraith are nasty. The thought of them near you makes me nuts.”

“And if Sheppard doesn’t watch your six, I’ll kill him.” Sam chuckled, pressed up against his chest.

She leaned back in his arms and said with a grin, “Yea, I’ll be sure to mention that first thing.”

Jack asked, “So what are they going to do about SG-1?”

“I have no idea.” Her eyes closed briefly. “Landry knows about the offer, but not my answer. I will call the Mountain tomorrow and talk to him and the guys,” Sam said.

“They’re going to be crushed. They all adore you, you know. Same as me.” He ran his hands through her long hair. “Have I told you lately how much I like this?”

“Yes. Several times as a matter of fact.” Sam gave a shaky smile. “So, are we okay?”

“No. But we will be.” Jack smiled back. “We always are.”

“So, what do you say we celebrate your new posting, Carter?” Jack pulled her in for a kiss.

She grinned widely and allowed her hands to roam across his back. “Anything you say… Jack.”
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the end

thanks for reading

serafine
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
- Wesley in The Princess Bride

Completed 9/28/07