Sam/Jolinar

by Bekah See

 

Chapter 1

 

Heat and fire were all around her as she ran from victim to victim, checking for a pulse on each one, and finding none. She heard Colonel O’Neill shouting over the din of the pulse fire coming from overhead, telling her there was no time, that they had to get to the gate. But now she dropped to the ground beside someone who did have a pulse, and she was damned if she was going to leave him here to die.

“This man’s alive” she yelled, ripping off her helmet and checking the man’s breathing.

“We cannot wait!” Jack shouted back as he ran toward the gate, carrying a young boy in his arms.

Carter ignored this and ducked her head down to begin mouth to mouth. Her brain briefly registered that she really shouldn’t be doing this before taking proper precautions, but there was simply no time. She either did this and ran the risk of infection, or this man had no chance. So she continued, and her world narrowed to the rhythm needed to preserve life.  Breathe one, breathe two, move to his chest and press, one, two, three… she kept going, even as she was beginning to feel that he had died, and she was laboring in vain. In the background, she thought she could hear Daniel encouraging people through the gate, telling them it would be all right. She was glad some of these people would be taken from here to safety, but knew that all too many would remain here forever, slowly claimed by the planet they called their home.

Sam heard Daniel call for a medic as she finished another set of compressions, and checked one more time for a pulse. Then, knowing at this point that it was futile, she put her ear to the man’s mouth, and hearing nothing, decided to give him two more life-giving breaths before moving on. She tilted his head back and, taking a deep breath, she sealed her mouth over his and breathed once. She tilted her head to feel her own breath escape, then bent to repeat it. What happened next shocked her to the core. She felt the man move, and then immediately felt an immovable pressure on the back of her head, pushing her down onto the “dead” man’s mouth. Dread welled in her stomach, then blossomed into full blown panic as she heard a familiar squeaking sound very close to her. There was movement in her mouth and a sharp fierce pain bloomed at the back of her throat. With a huge push, Sam jerked free of her captor and turned, spitting blood fiercely into the ground beside her. Something was very wrong, but she didn’t have time to analyze it before felt another presence brutally pushing her into the background of her mind, and then taking over her body.

Sam screamed and fought, not knowing what was happening, but knowing she wanted it to stop. She could hear herself speaking, but the words were not hers, feel herself moving, running, but she was not coordinating it. She could hear O’Neill’s voice close to her, could even see and feel him grabbing her when she stumbled. She tried to cry out, but even though her voice was a primal scream in her mind, the other presence firmly squashed the impulse of her body to voice the command. Sam didn’t give up. She was starting to figure out what had happened, and there was absolutely no way in the dark halls of hell that she was going to go down without a fight. Sam could see the gate coming nearer and fought with every ounce of strength she had. She could not let a goa’uld into the SGC. Her efforts were not entirely in vain. The parasite didn’t yet have full control over her, and Sam made it very hard for it to keep her body running. But Jack, not knowing it wasn’t HER he was helping, was lending and arm, and between his determination, and the goa’uld’s rapidly increasing control, Sam eventually had no choice but to watch herself, and her mortal enemy, cross into home territory.

  

“Carter?” Jack asked as Sam stood looking around the gateroom. “You okay?”

‘No! I am not okay! I’m not me! Colonel, please see this is not me!’ Sam screamed again and again, but all her body said was, “Yeah, fine. Thanks.” and all it did was move out of the room and toward the lockers.

Sam raged and battered with her invisible fists against the presence that was blocking her from the use of her body.

‘Be still, Samantha. I will not harm you.’

Sam stopped thrashing, amazed at the communication. ‘Oh really?!’  That’s not what I’ve heard of you damned parasites. Give me back my body and get the hell out!’

‘I am sorry for this.’ the presence said. ‘I have never before taken an unwilling host, and now I am reminded of why. Your mind is very powerful. You are hard to control.’‘Well, you seem to be doing just dandy don’t you?’  Sam aimed a few phantom kicks in the general direction of the intruder, just to continue her show of resistance, but she was wearing out, and so far the goa’uld had been able to block her fairly easily. But what was really causing Sam to pause was the courtesy the goa’uld seemed to be offering. This was  vastly different from what she had imagined being taken as a host would be like.

‘Who the hell are you anyway? What were you doing inside that man’s body? Wait…’ Sam reached out, wondering if she could capture the symbiote’s knowledge the way it had taken hers, but was pushed firmly, if carefully, away.

‘Not yet, Samantha. In time, you and I will be able to share such intimacy, but not yet.’Sam laughed loudly and derisively.  ‘In time? Intimacy?  No way. There is no way my friends are not going to figure out what’s going on. Teal’c  is a Jaffa. He’ll be able to sense you.’‘Perhaps, but we will be gone from here before he realizes what has happened.’‘Gone?’ Sam yelled, starting to struggle again. ‘Where are we going? Where are you taking me? This is MY body, dammit, and you have no right to take me anywhere!’‘Hush now, Samantha. I cannot yet deal with you and remain acutely aware of my surroundings.’

Sam stopped fighting for a moment and looked around. Evidently they—as in she and the symbiote that was invading her, had left the locker room and were entering the briefing room with the rest of SG-1. Sam felt herself sit down and fold her hands in her lap. She renewed her efforts one more time, yelling, pounding, forcing all of her not-insignificant will to the forefront, trying to force her body to do something, anything, that would alert her team that something was very, very wrong. She could feel the goa’uld fighting her, and she pushed harder, pleading with any gods out there that something would get through. Then, abruptly, the parasite seemed to get tired of wrestling with its host, and jolted Sam’s nervous system, sending her consciousness into oblivion.

 

 Sam woke several house later to find herself in her quarters, lying on her bed. She stared up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to remember how she had gotten there. Then terror rose in her throat as she remembered the goa’uld. Had it been a dream? She sat up quickly and patted herself down. She jumped up and did a few experimental jumping jacks. She seemed to be in complete control of her body, and her terror began to die away. It must have been a nightmare.

‘I’m sorry, Samantha, but I’m afraid I’m still here.’

“Noo!” Sam yelled to the ceiling. She began to pace furiously, gripping her head, willing the voice to go away. “This is not happening to me! I’m hallucinating!”

‘You’re not hallucinating. In fact, you’re healthier than you’ve ever been, thanks to me.’

“Healthy? You call this healthy? I have a damned snake in my head and you say I’m healthy?!”

‘Samantha, you need to calm down or I will be forced to take control of your body again.’ 

That stopped her. “Fine.” Sam made herself stop pacing, and took several deep breaths in an attempt to quell the panic still threatening to spill over her shaky walls. She returned to her bed and laid down, folding her hands over her stomach.

“So you’ve returned control of my body to me. Why?”

‘We are now fully blended, and full control of this body can be given to either of us at any time. I have no need of it at this time, so unless you do something foolish to get us—that is, me, caught or killed, I see no need to remain dominant. For the moment.’

“Not that I’m complaining,” Sam said, “but that doesn’t seem to be a very goa’uld-ish thing to do.”

‘I am not Goa’uld.’

“Really. You could’ve fooled me.” Sam said dryly, still fighting to keep her panic at bay. Talking was helping, though, so she kept at it. Maybe she could get the parasite to reveal something.

‘I am not Goa’uld.’  it repeated. ‘I am Tok’ra.’

“Tok’ra? What the hell is a Tok’ra?”

Sam heard what she could have sworn was a mental sigh. It was like having someone blowing directly on your brain, except that brains had no nerve endings, and so wouldn’t feel anything even if someone did blow on it. Sam shook herself out of her self-induced defensive tangent and concentrated on the conversation she was having.

‘The Tok’ra are an offshoot of the Goa’uld. We are technically the same species, but come from different queens. The Tok’ra queen did not believe as the Goa’uld do. She, and so by extension, all of us, would never take an unwilling host, and did not believe that it is our right to rule the galaxy. We are not power hungry, nor are we evil. We have been fighting the Goa’uld for thousands of years, trying to end their tyrannical grip on this galaxy.’

Sam was quiet for a few moments, digesting this bit of information. She could sense that the goa’uld—Tok’ra—whatever—was telling the truth, but Sam wasn’t about to take it hook line and sinker. ‘Uh, news flash,’ she quipped, keeping her temper under tight control, ‘but I wasn’t exactly willing to have you take over my body today. In fact, I think that, if given the choice, I’d tear you out of my head and stomp you into the ground.’‘I’m aware of that, Samantha, but I’m afraid that is not an option. If you make any moves to harm yourself or me or to alert your friends of my existence, I will take permanent control, and you will have no say at all. For the time being, cooperation is the best course of action. For both of us.’

‘Fine. Sam said. She was still extremely wary, but her curiosity was getting the better of her. Again. ‘So what should I call you? And what were you doing on that planet?’

The Tok’ra was silent for a moment, and Sam could sense its reluctance to answer.

‘Oh, come on.’  Sam pressed, ‘you said we needed to cooperate, right? I’m cooperating. Now answer my questions.’

Jolinar sighed again, and Sam resisted the urge to open her skull and scratch her brain. ‘Very well. My name is Jolinar of Malkshur, and I was hiding.’‘Hiding? From what?’‘Not what, who.’‘Who then?’‘An assassin.’  Jolinar hesitated again before continuing. ‘I have information about the Goa’uld that must be returned to the Tok’ra council. It is of the utmost importance that the assassin does not find me here, or my mission will be a failure, and we will all perish.’‘Oh. I guess that is a bit important.’

‘Yes. Which is why we must leave this world and travel to the Tok’ra base.’

‘Well, there’s no way in hell they’re going to let you leave without a good reason. We don’t just stroll through the gate whenever we feel like it.’‘No matter. We will go on the mission tomorrow to help find a new home for the Nassyans . From there, we will go to my people. When my mission is complete, I will begin the search for a willing host, and will return your body to you.’Sam was stunned. ‘You can do that?’ ‘It is not easy, but it can be done.’Sam was quiet for a time, wondering at this new revelation. ‘Why would you do that? Risk yourself to leave my body when you could take complete control with a thought?’‘As I have said, the Tok’ra do not take unwilling hosts. Most of the time, we will allow ourselves to die before doing so, but in this case, the information I carry did not leave me with a choice. Your act of mercy in trying to save my previous host will save many lives, Samantha. I thank you.’‘Uh, you’re welcome. I think.’

‘You must rest now.’ Jolinar said, stimulating sleep hormones in Sam’s brain. ‘Tomorrow we will visit your young friend, and then we will deliver my message’.

‘My young friend?’ Sam asked, struggling to stay awake. ‘Who?’

‘Sleep, Samantha.’

Sam slept.

 

Chapter 2

  Darkness and light flashed by her eyes as she stood on the barren landscape looking out over an alien world. She had no idea where she was, and could hear only an echoing loneliness whenever she called out, hoping someone, anyone would find her and take her home. Stinging sands and whipping water flashed past her, scouring her skin, and leaving it raw and bleeding. Sam hunched over in the sands, trying to protect herself, but someone was pulling at her arms, pulling them away from her body and her face, leaving her exposed to the elements that were stripping her flesh from her bones. Sam wrenched away, and screamed as the sands beneath her feet formed a face, one she had never seen, but instantly recognized. 

‘SAMANTHA!!’  Sam jerked upright in her bed. She was covered in cold sweat, and the sheets were wrapped tight around her. Suddenly very claustrophobic, she scrambled upright and stood for a moment, panting and shaking as she tried to free her mind from the overwhelming nightmare.

‘You were dreaming. Jolinar said inside her mind.

‘Yeah.’ Sam answered automatically. Then she stopped. When had this gotten so easy, this talking to the presence in her brain?

‘Am I really that frightening to you that I cause nightmares of such terror?’

‘Yes. You have to remember I did not come into this willingly, and the idea of being inhabited like this is very hard for my people.’ ‘But it is getting easier, yes?’‘Yes. As disturbing as it is, it is getting easier.’‘And it will continue to do so. In the meantime, we must go visit your young friend Cassie, then we will go offworld and find a way to contact my people. Once that is done, I can leave you as you were.’

‘Cassie?’ Sam said, suddenly afraid again. ‘Why are we going to see Cassie? I don’t want her pulled into this, Jolinar. I will fight you to my dying breath if you try.’ This last statement was made with no small amount of menace as Sam’s instincts to protect her young charge reared up.

‘Your doctor friend asked you to go to her before we go offworld. I do not wish to arouse suspicion, and so we will go. Do not fear. I will allow you control while we are with her. She need not know anything is different.’

‘Gee, thanks.’  Sam was still hesitatant, but she didn’t sense any deceit coming from the Tok’ra, so she decided to go with it for the time being. As if she really had a choice in the matter.

After getting dressed, Sam left the base and drove through Colorado Springs toward the Air Force Academy Hospital. Jolinar was quiet the entire time, and Sam began to relax a little—or at least as much as circumstances would allow. She thought about what the Tok’ra had said the day before—about not wishing to take an unwilling host. So Sam reasoned she wouldn’t have been taken if it weren’t for the information that Jolinar needed to get to her people. She wondered what she would have done if she had been in that position. Would she have entered the body of another host in the hope of evading the assassin and getting the intel home? Sam wrestled with the concept for a time before giving up on it, partly because it was one of those questions that just couldn’t be answered if you weren’t there to experience it, and partly because the concept of being required to inhabit another’s body to survive was just too alien  for her to grasp at the moment. She felt a trickle of amusement coming from the Tok’ra, but refrained from saying any of the smart-assed comments running through her mind. She fully intended to keep control for as long as she could, and she wasn’t about to do anything that would give the parasite a reason to take over.

Sam walked into the hospital and asked after the whereabouts of Dr. Frasier. Having been told where to find her friend, Sam entered a private room in the critical care wing of the huge hospital. Frasier greeted her as she walked in the door, but didn’t turn from her clipboard.

Sam walked up beside her, her hands in her pockets, trying to look nonchalant.  “Is this one of the Nassyans we saved?”

“Yeah.” Frasier answered. “He should be dead.”

Sam felt Jolinar stir within her. ‘I sense something.’

Sam was about to respond, but Frasier was speaking again, “Cassandra’s in my office. Now, we still have rounds to make, but you know where it is?”

Jolinar was starting to become agitated, which was rather distracting, but Sam managed to nod an affirmative to Frasier, and even to give her a tiny smile. What Sam really wanted to do was to grab Frasier and make her understand what was going on.

‘Don’t do it Samantha. I will not allow you to jeopardize my mission.’

Sam growled mentally in frustration, but obeyed.

‘That man is the Ashrak.’ Jolinar continued.

‘The what?’ Sam thought back

‘The assassin. He is Goa’uld. We must be away from here as quickly as possible. He will not remain here for long.’ And then, sensing Sam’s hesitation, Jolinar continued, ‘His method of killing me will take your life also.’

‘Ah.’ Now properly motivated, Sam quickly left the room, shutting the door behind her.

 

‘You’re going to let me talk to Cassie, right? No interference? I don’t want her frightened.’

Yes, you may speak with her. I have no intention of “interfering”. Jolinar sounded a little wistful, which made Sam wonder if it was sad that she was not being more cooperative. Well, what the hell did it expect? A warm welcome to her body? Maybe she should have hung streamers from her intestines to make the damn snake feel more at home.

‘That is not necessary.’ Jolinar said, laughing.

‘Good.’  Sam had reached Frasier’s office, and knocked twice before opening the door. Cassie looked like she was finishing a finger painting, and Sam’s heart swelled with joy at seeing the little girl again. Cassie was one of the few joys in her life, and she cherished every moment she could spend with her.

“Sam!” Cassie said happily as the Sam entered the room. The child started to run to her adopted big sister to give her a hug, then realized her fingers were covered in yellow paint and turned around to clean them on a rag.

“Wow.” Sam said, looking at Cassie’s artwork. “Nice painting.”

“You really like it?” Cassie asked eagerly, still working on her hands. “My teacher at school says I have talent.”

“I love it.” Sam said, smiling for the first time in days.

Cassie turned around, beaming and ran to Sam who knelt down and caught her in a tight embrace.

“I’ve missed you.” Cassie said softly.

“I know, I’m sorry I’ve been…”

“So busy.” Cassie finished with her. They stayed that way for a moment, then Sam felt Cassie stiffen in her arms, and the girl abruptly pulled away from her.

Sam stood, concerned at the fear in the child’s eyes. “Cassandra, what is it?”

Cassie didn’t answer, just turned and ran into a corner formed by a couch and the wall, and crouched down, hiding.

‘She knows.’ Sam heard Jolinar inside her head at the same instant she felt control being wrested away from her.

‘No! Dammit, Jolinar, you leave her alone! She’s just a child!’‘Calm yourself, Samantha. I will not harm her, but she must not spoil my plans to get off this world. She must not speak of this.’‘Fine, then let me talk to her, tell her what’s going on! Come on, she’s terrified!’

‘Not this time.’ Sam felt her body begin to move and caught her reflection in a nearby mirror as her eyes lit up, signaling that the symbiote had taken full control.

Chapter 3

 

Sam was furious, and she had to concentrate hard to not take her rage out on other drivers as she sped back to the base. What the hell were you thinking?!’ she railed at the Jolinar. ‘Is a little girl such a threat to you big bad Tok’ra that you have to threaten her life?’

‘Child or not, she must not be allowed to reveal my existance to your people. Secrecy is my only chance.’

Sam didn’t answer, choosing to fume quietly until she was safely back in the SGC. She started to head for her quarters, wanting to rest before the mission began—she had a feeling it was going to be more trying than usual—but Jolinar stopped her and nudged her toward the commisary.

‘You need to eat. This body must stay strong.’

‘Thanks for your concern, but for some strange reason, I’m not hungry. I wonder if it has something to do with a rather infuriating parasite infesting my person.’‘I will force the issue if I must, but I’d rather you did this on your own. I don’t know what kind of food you like. I might feed you beets by accident.’

Sam grimaced and started to reply before realizing that the Tok’ra must indeed know what she liked and disliked if it knew to threaten her with beets. “Fine.” Sam muttered aloud, startling two airmen walking by her. She seemed to be saying that a lot lately.

 

Jolinar insisted that they be ready a half hour before their scheduled departure time, so Sam found herself pacing the women’s locker room for about 20 minutes before Jolinar decided to take over again and move them back to the gear up room. The Tok’ra was antsy. Very antsy, and his agitation was getting to Sam.

‘Would you relax? Your nervousness is going to make me sick.’‘You must be silent, now, Samantha.’‘Oh, so now I have to be silent, do I? I don’t think so. This IS my body, if  you’ll remember, and I actually have more right to be speaking than you do.’

But they were now coming up on the gear room, and since Jolinar didn’t seem to be inclined to give Sam back control, she decided to save her strength, an dher breath, and see what happened. She really didn’t think the Tok’ra wanted to hurt anyone, and his mission was important.

In spite of herself, Sam’s respect for the symbiote went up a couple of notches. Here he was, completely alone in an alien environment, desperate to reach his people with vital knowledge about the Goa’uld. How many times had Sam been in the same situation? And she had done what she needed to in order to survive. Sometimes that meant killing the bad guys, and while Sam didn’t consider her people to be bad guys to anyone but, well, bad guys, she could see how Jolinar would be willing to do what was needed to get home. Especially since he had mentioned several times that he would willingly leave her body as soon as he could. She was all for that part of the plan, although, deep down inside, she began to second guess this feeling. It was actually kind of nice to have someone so close all the time. Jolinar knew her thoughts and feelings, knew her more intimately than anyone ever had. And, said a tiny voice deep within her subconscious, she was beginning to enjoy his presence, as infuriating as it was.

And since when had she started thinking of Jolinar as “he”? As far as she knew, symbiotes were sexless, and were only considered he or she when they took a male or female host. She sent a wordless inquiry toward Jolinar as to whether it considered itself a he or she, but found her body engaged in conversation with Daniel and Teal’c, and not nicely.

“Well step on it, then!” Sam heard her voice say crossly before turning away from her friends and marching quickly down the corridor toward the gateroom.

‘That was uncalled for, Jolinar. They have no idea what’s going on.’

‘Your species can be so infuriating at times! Why is your Colonel O’Neill not on base? We’re supposed to leave soon!’ As Jolinar spoke, he moved them into the gateroom and began to pace back and forth in front of the ramp.  

‘The Colonel will be here. You need to calm down or you will draw attention to yourself.’

‘I cannot calm down. This is my only chance to leave this planet, and I must be sure it works.’

A buzzer sounded, and Carter turned to face Daniel and Teal’c entering the room, looking at her warily.

“Where’s Colonel O’Neill?” Jolinar asked the pair, but before they could answer, the door on the other side of the room opened, and the wayward Colonel strode into the room.

“Stand down, campers.” he said as he strode toward them. “We’re on a hold.”

“Why?” Jolinar asked impatiently.

“I dunno. Some computer glitch.” O’Neill walked up to stand in front of Sam and, before Jolinar could figure out what he was doing, he nonchalantly pressed an injection into her arm.

Jolinar watched, amazed for a second before jerking Sam’s arm out of reach. “What the hell was that?” he demanded, furious now. ‘Did you know they were going to do this?’  he demanded of Sam, who was watching the exchange.

‘Would I have been able to keep it from you if I had?’ she asked, annoyed.

Meanwhile, Jack was looking up at the control room as if seeking advice on how to proceed. Obviously Sam’s body, with the aid of the symbiote, was resisting the drug that he had injected into her system, and Sam guessed from the look on his face that the dosage had been considerable.

‘Now what?’ Sam asked the Tok’ra.

Jolinar didn’t answer her, but he did respond. Reaching down before anyone could stop him, he grabbed a weapon from the pile on the floor and pointed it at O’Neill. “Open the stargate” he demanded. Sam heard the voice coming out of her mouth, and it was no longer hers. It was the unmistakable dual voice that the Goa’uld were known for.

“Jack, what the hell is goin’ on?” Sam heard Daniel ask, even as she was trying to talk Jolinar down.

‘Jolinar, this is not the way to do this. Tell them the truth. Tell them—‘

‘Enough!’  Jolinar once again shocked her system, and sent Sam into oblivion. As she blacked out, she thought she could feel and hear her eyes flash as Jolinar was left alone in her body.

Chapter 4

 

When Sam awoke two hours later, she found herself sitting in a cell in the SGC staring through the bars at Colonel O’Neill.

Jolinar? she asked.

I am here.

I really wish you would stop knocking me out like that.

When the Tok’ra didn’t answer, Sam risked a peek at his mood. He was calm, but it was more the calm of someone resigned to his fate than because the situation was under control.

Are you, uh, I mean we, okay?Physically this body is fine. The sedative wore off quickly, and I have been sitting here staring at this human for the last hour.Oh. I take it the interrogation isn’t going well, then?There is nothing to say. He refuses my request to let me go through the stargate, and I refuse to tell him anything. We are at an impasse.

Would you like some advice? Sam asked. She could sense how desparate the Tok’ra was, and could feel his pain as if it was her own. Their link was getting stronger.

Yes. Jolinar answered. I would favor some advice from you.

You’ve got to give him something. There isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that he’s going to let you out unless he’s got a damned good reason. Right now, he doesn’t have a clue that you’re not Goa’uld. All he knows is that you invaded someone on his team, and he believes that I am now permanantly lost to him. We haven’t had much luck removing symbiotes in the past. Her memory flashed back to Major Kawalski and his eventual fate.

Jolinar considered her words for a moment before making up his mind. “Let me go.” he said aloud, standing and moving toward O’Neill. “Let me go through the stargate. I will find another host and send your friend back to you.”

“You can do that?” Jack asked, also standing. “Leave a host without killing them?”

“Yes. It is possible, but not easy.” Sam felt a thread of hope filter into Jolinar’s conscious thoughts. “I could die, but I promise I will try.”

Sam followed the rest of the conversation, seeing O’Neill begin to waver slightly, and she hoped, just for a moment—but then even that slim thread was gone.

“You know I can’t trust you.” O’Neill said, almost regretfully. Sam knew then that it was a lost cause, and she began to despair. As used to Jolinar as she was getting, she still wanted her body to herself again, and it was starting to look like she’d never get the chance. Phantom tears welled in her mind’s eyes, and she started to cry. The tears were silent, and only in her mind, but her fear and discouragement were very real.

Jolinar felt Sam’s grief, and began to grow desparate.

Samantha. Talk to him. Make him see!

And abruptly, Sam was back in control. “Oh, god. He’s telling you the truth!” she cried, suddently desperate to make O’Neill understand, even as he moved toward the door. “Please Jack!” For a moment, she thought he was going to cave, but then he punched the door, signalling the guard outside that he was done. “No, Jack please! Don’t leave me! Please give me a chance!” The door opened, and she knew she was losing him. “Don’t leave me like this! Please!” she cried one last time, knowing it was hopeless. And he was gone.

This time Sam withdrew willingly, allowing Jolinar to take over her body once more. She was utterly spent, and was afraid she’d collapse if she stayed in control.

“What will it take?” Jolinar said, irritated by their failure.

Sam didn’t answer. She was too busy trying to get herself under control so she could figure a way to get them out of here. She knew now that the only way she was going to get her body back was to help Jolinar complete his mission. The fact that the mission was a noble one only slightly eased her conscience, but what choice did she have? Even if she was able to wrest control away from Jolinar, which was not going to happen, there was still a highly trained assassin on her tail who would kill her as soon as he saw her.

‘Dammit, Carter, think!’ she told herself furiously. ‘Who would listen without the overwhelming bias that the Goa’uld create? ‘What of your friend Daniel?’ Jolinar asked. ‘He seems to be more open minded than the others. Perhaps he would listen.’‘Maybe, but Daniel’s wife Sha’re was taken as a host by a Goa’uld a couple of years ago. Trusting you may be a bit of a stretch for him.’‘Then what of the Jaffa, Teal’c.’Sam thought about it for a moment. Teal’c has spent the last two years fighting to free his people from the tyranny of the Goa’uld.  But maybe if you were willing to tell him that you’re Tok’ra, and not…’‘No!’ Jolinar’s insistence startled Sam, and she jumped. Or would have if she’d been in control, which she wasn’t. Jolinar forcibly calmed himself. ‘No.’ he said, more softly this time. ‘No one must know of the Tok’ra. Our secrecy is the only thing that protects us from being hunted down and destroyed to a man by the sysytem lords. I must not betray that secret.’Now Sam was getting impatient. ‘You may think secrecy is protecting you, but it’s actually isolating you from those you could be your allies. Think about it, Jolinar. We fight the same battle, your people and mine. We could help you. But first you must help us. Tell Teal’c who you are. If he doesn’t believe you, your secret is safe. If he does, he can influence Colonel O’Neill, and we may yet be able to do this.’

The symbiote was quiet for a moment, but Sam could sense his thought process as he weighed his options, so she knew his answer before he voiced, uh, thought, it to her.

‘Your words are wise, Samantha. Very well. I will speak with the Jaffa.’  “Guard!” Jolinar barked at the door. The airman turned to look at her. “I wish to speak with the Jaffa, Teal’c.”

“Very well.” The guard turned and cracked the door open, speaking to someone outside before closing it again, and resuming his stance of relaxed watchfullness.

‘Now, we wait.’ Jolinar said, settling Sam’s body into a more comfortable position.

Chapter 5

 

And so they waited. And waited, and waited. In all, it was almost four hours before Teal’c finally showed up at the door. Jolinar and Sam spent the time talking, getting to know each other, and telling stories of their adventures. At first, Sam was careful not to disclose anything vital, but then she remembered that Jolinar already had access to her entire mind, and so already knew everything she knew. Including everything from her personal life. The thought was unsettling. She was growing fond of the Tok’ra, and didn’t want him to think ill of her for her past mistakes.

Jolinar sensed her unease and the reason for it. ‘Samantha, I do not think ill of you. In fact, I see you as being very mature for your young years. Your past has made you strong, and your mistakes have made you wise. You must not chastise yourself for these things. They make you who you are.’

Sam found herself to be inordinately pleased with this statement, but she was also embarrassed, so she changed the subject. So you said you had a mate? What’s she like?

Jolinar laughed, startling the guard, and was about to respond when the door opened and Teal’c stepped in. “You have requested my presence.” Teal’c said carefully.

Jolinar allowed Sam’s face to settle back into a scowl.

‘You know, if you keep doing that, you’re going to give me wrinkles.’ Sam said quietly, then backed off to allow Jolinar to speak to Teal’c unhindered. This was going to be tricky.

“Jaffa. You must convince the humans to let me go.”

“They will never let you go.”

Sam listened as Jolinar proceeded to praise her people for their advancements and warn Teal’c about their impending destruction at the hands of the Goa’uld. She listened as Teal’c told the Tok’ra that they believed he was there to begin an attack on earth. And she felt Jolinar’s decision waver and then solidify.

“Not all Goa’uld are the same. There are a few that oppose the system lords and their ways. You must have heard of the Tok’ra.” Sam could feel the price Jolinar paid with that statement, and she sent him a flash of reassurance.

Teal’c stalked toward the bars, frowning mightily.

‘He does not believe me.’ Jolinar said to Sam.

‘Then make him believe you. Will he know your name?’

Jolinar didn’t answer, as Teal’c was speaking again. “Every Goa’uld seeks power for his own reason, and would betray his own brother to achieve it.”

“Some seek power for a greater purpose. Not every Goa’uld is an enemy to the people of this planet. The Tok’ra are real. No matter what Apophis has told you.”

“I have yet to meet one.” Teal’c said, still unconvinced.

“You have now.” Jolinar was terrified, Sam felt, but plunged ahead. “I am Jolinar of Malkshur.”

Teal’c’s eyes widened and Sam knew they’d scored a hit. She watched as Teal’c walked to the door, looked back at her, then let himself out.

‘He’ll be back.’ Sam thought to Jolinar. ‘Hopefully with the Colonel.’‘Yes. You were right, Samantha. It appears we may need to come out of the shadows and find allies. But it will not be easy. The Tok’ra have been working in complete secrecy for thousands of years.’

‘We’ll make it work.’ Sam assured him.

‘We?’ Jolinar asked, surprised and amused.

‘Uh, sure,’ Sam stuttered. ‘Meaning my people and yours.’‘I see. Samantha,’ Jolinar began, his presence tentative and even a little shy, ‘I realize we have only been joined for a few days, but’  here he paused, and Sam could have sworn she heard him clear her throat,  ‘would you consider, once this situation is resolved, consenting to be my new host?’

Sam was shocked into silence. Stay this way for the rest of her life? No! No way! She wanted her life back, her job back, hell, her body back. This was no way to live, to be constantly shoved into the back seat of her own flesh, condemned to watch as she said and did things she might or might not agree with. All this flashed through her mind in less than a second, but it was enough to get her point across, and Jolinar seemed to wilt a little.

‘I understand. I have treated you badly, and you wish me to leave. But know, Samantha, that if you consented, things would be very different. The relationship between a Tok’ra and its host can be very rewarding.’ And Jolinar proceeded to show her, in thoughts and feelings, some of the love and belonging he had felt with his last host. In the light of these beautiful sentiments, Sam felt her resolve weakening, and she found herself wondering if she was making the right choice. The thought still scared the hell out of her, but maybe, just maybe.

Before she could continue on that route, the room’s door opened and O’Neill stepped through, followed closely by Teal’c. They appeared to be in the middle of a conversation.

“This Goa’uld, Jolinar of Malkshur, claims to be one of that group.”

“Can you be sure he is who he says he is?” O’Neill asked.

“I cannot.”

“Unfortunately,” Jolinar said, pushing away from the wall he had been leaning on, “we do not carry identification.”

O’Neill regarded the body of his 2IC. “Okay. Let’s try to build a little trust here, shall we? One of the Nassyans we brought back was very badly burned, but somehow he just got up out of his hospital bed and disappeared. Who is he?”

Sam felt Jolinar pause, fighting his instinct to hold back. ‘Tell him, Jolinar, or all is lost.’

“It must be the ashrak.”

O’Neill looked at Teal’c for an explanation.

“It means ‘hunter’. Teal’c said.

Jack looked back into Sam’s eyes that were not her own. “A Goa’uld?” he asked.

“Yes.” Jolinar said, forcing himself to meet the other man’s gaze. “An assassin of the highest rank who carries out the orders of the system lords.”

“Who’s he here to kill?”

Jolinar paused for a moment then simply said, “Me.” and left it at that. Sam shivered at the tone coming out of her mouth, and realized she was beginning to identify with the symbiote. She no longer considered it a parasite, but a living, breathing life form. It was not its fault in needed humanoids to live. It was who it was, and this one, at least, was not evil. Arrogant and demanding, yes, but not evil. Sam watched as O’Neill and Teal’c, still considering Jolinar’s last statement, left the room, obviously thinking hard.

 

Soon after, Teal’c returned, this time with Daniel. Sam looked hard at her friend, noticing the lines of fatigue and worry around his eyes and mouth.

‘Go easy on him, Jolinar. He’s been through a lot.’

‘So have you, Samantha.’ Aloud, Jolinar spoke to Daniel, “Daniel Jackson.”

“Yes.” Daniel said sadly.

Sam watched the exchange between the Tok’ra and the archaeologist, wincing at the bluntness of Jolinar’s responses to Daniel’s attempts to get the description of the ashrak.

‘Hey, I said go easy, not worry him more!’‘I’m sorry, Samantha, but we are running out of time.’

“He doesn’t even know for sure you’re on this planet, let alone on this base.” Daniel went on, oblivious to the conversation going on in Sam’s head.

“He is Goa’uld. He will find me. It’s what he does. Letting me go, trusting me, is the only chance of saving your friend Samantha.” Jolinar answered frankly.

Daniel looked defeated. “Then I’m sorry.” He moved closer to the bars and looked right through Jolinar to Sam. “I’m sorry Sam.”

Grief filled Sam again as she tried to reach out to her friend. ‘It’s okay, Daniel. I understand. Please, Jolinar, let me speak to him.’

‘He will not believe it is you. He will react just as O’Neill did, and think it is a trick to get them to trust me.’

Sam knew he was right. But Jolinar wasn’t done, and tried one last time to convince Daniel that he was willing to give information in exchange for freedom. Information about Daniel’s wife, Sha’re.

‘Do you really know where she is?’ Sam asked. ‘Or are you just saying that to get him to release you?’

‘I know where she is. Whether she stays there or not is another matter. But look, he will not listen.’‘He heard you. He’ll talk to the others. We just have to wait and see.’

Jolinar walked back to the bunk and laid down, trying to rest. He was very uptight, and Sam could feel him trying to calm himself, trying to calm her, trying to keep going. She felt for him. She knew there was an assassin stalking him who could be here any moment to kill him. To kill them both. But they were deep inside the base, and there were several security checkpoints between them and the surface. Surely they were safe here. Then Sam felt Jolinar stiffen and jerk her body upright. A second later, the door opened to show a tall thin man step in and promptly shoot the two guards inside before holstering his pistol.

“Interesting weapons these humans use.” he said without emotion.

Sam swore loudly, wanting to scramble back to the rear of the cell. Jolinar held them in place, and faced the ashrak with no visible emotion showing on Sam’s face.

Our time is up, Samantha, and there is nothing for it but to die well.Yeah? Well, you may be willing to give up, but I’m sure as hell not! Do something! Fight him!I cannot. He would subdue me easily and your body would be injured. I’d rather be injured than dead! If you won’t do it, give me control, and I will!

This conversation happened within a second while the ashrak performed his death speech.

Very well, Samantha. Fight him if you will. Jolinar released control, but it was too late. The ashrak raised his hand and activated his ring device, sending wave after wave of crushing pain into Sam’s skull. She tried to scream, tried to get away, but her body, ironically, would not respond. She felt Jolinar’s presence grab her consciousness and push her into the furthest recesses of her mind. There, Jolinar pressed her further, making her smaller and smaller within herself, until only a spark of who she was remained to witness his pain and sorrow. Then he covered her consciousness with his own, protecting her and shielding her from the invasion of the ring device.

I am sorry we could not remain joined Samantha. But if you will live, then, in a way, so shall I.  Sam could barely register the words, so tiny was she within herself, but she caught the meaning, and the intention of the Tok’ra.

Abruptly, the crashing waves of mutilation ceased and the assassin, knowing his job was complete, left the room with a couple of SFs, presumably to head toward the stargate.

Sam floated in a pool of darkness, pain crashing through her as she fought to stay afloat. She knew if she let go, she would be pulled down and would never come up again. But she was so tired, and she hurt so much. Instinctively, she reached out to the presence she had become so accustomed to in such a short time. Jolinar? she called. She was weak. Her body was dying, but she had to find him. Frantically, she called again, ‘Jolinar! Where are you?’And then he was there. His presence was faint, almost nonexistent, but he was there. Samantha. You must live. You must tell the Tok’ra of my mission, and of my death. Promise me.’‘Tell them yourself, Jolinar. I want to stay joined with you. I want to be your host. Please, fight this. Don’t give up!’‘There is nothing to fight, Samantha. There is only one thing more I may do for you, but you must promise to fulfill my wishes.’‘No! You can’t go! Please stay, Jolinar.’‘Promise me. Please.’‘I promise.’

Jolinar’s presence faded from her awareness. He was still there, but barely. Sam could hear voices calling her name, feel rough callused hands on her face, and she opened her eyes to slits. She saw O’Neill looking down at her, fear and concern written plainly on his weathered face.

Then she saw Janet leaning over her, yelling at a nurse to get her some oxygen. Sam felt pressure on her chest, and then nothing.

 

Sam felt Jolinar die. He expended the last of his energy destroying himself to ensure his death would not poison her. She felt his loss as a physical blow and she cried out. She had no idea if it was aloud or in her mind, but she cried out into the emptiness that suddenly filled her soul. She felt so alone, more so than she ever had, and she cried like a child, unashamed, and no holds barred. Sam knew she would never be the same.

“You did it, Sam. You won.” Jack’s voice. His words washed through her, making her grief that much more poignant. She shook her head weakly.

“It wasn’t me.”

“Oh yes it was. You hung in there. You beat it.”

She shook her head again, wishing she could shout, to make him understand what Jolinar had done. “The Goa’uld gave its life for me. It saved me.”

 

Hours later, Sam lay recovering in the infirmary, curled up on her side and staring at nothing. The emptiness left by Jolinar was eating her alive, and it was all she could hear or see or feel. Every once in a while, she heard someone from outside herself come and ask her something, but she didn’t have the will or energy needed to lift herself out of the darkness in her mind to answer them.

Then a different voice penetrated the fog. A child’s voice. It took a moment for Sam to place it. Cassie. She started to struggle to bring herself up out of the darkness and despair. Cassie needed her. She felt the child’s touch on her shoulder, and turned toward her. Looking into her eyes, Sam felt a thread of hope trickle through her despair.

“You’re going to be okay.” Cassie said with the quiet confidence given only to children.

And in that moment, Sam knew she would be. It would be hard, she would grieve, and she would get better. Jolinar would have wanted it that way, and Sam had a promise to keep.