This is a great story!
Your story seemed to brush from action to action so quickly that it feels like a whirlwind. Have you considered going back and fleshing out the story line? Or fleshing out your dialogue to show the emotions more concisely? I would be glad to Beta if you want some help.
Your story has an awesome foundation and wonderfully intricate plot line. I am looking forward to your sequel. Keep up the great work.