After four years of gate-traveling to planets unknown, knowing that a formidable foe is perchance but a breath away, it is no wonder he finds himself in a contemplative mood whilst sitting with his team in the mess hall. Death having knocked on his door countless times, he allows questions of mortality - of his own mortality - to filter through his mind.
Normally such thoughts are easily replaced with memories of Simpsons’ episodes past, but today he grants himself the privilege of being one with his thoughts.
He begins with questioning worth. He enjoys life but he knows he holds the lives of others over his own. He glances at his team. Daniel. Teal’c. Carter. He’d give his life up for them. Everyone of them holds a place in his heart even though he’s not eager to let on.
But he knows that they know. And he knows that they know that he knows…that they know…that he’d never tell.
And now he’s confused himself, the deep crease in his forehead even more pronounced as he frowns.
Every day he risks his life for his planet. For people he knows. For people he loves. For people he’s never even met. But he knows that they are worth it.
So he sits silently in the company of his second in command whilst his two other team mates rise to retrieve some snacks, leaving her to her contraband lollipop and he to his thoughts.
He wants to share his thought process but embarrassment prevents him from divulging his inner musings.
His thoughts shift grim and he moves uncomfortably in his chair as darklings wash over his mind. Creatures of the night with thoughts wicked of nightmares and worst-case-scenarios jab at his conscience. He wants to conjure a distraction but he perseveres with thoughts unwanted.
Heaven or hell? Elementals or ghosts? Perhaps one lives in a dreamlike state, reliving lives once lived. Reincarnation perhaps. He pauses on the latter option, head almost cocked to the side in consideration.
Reincarnation.
He allows himself a secret smile, self-involved and personal in its delivery.
Reincarnation.
He finds the subject oddly interesting and strangely desired. Of course he would love to come back, perhaps be granted with moments inexperienced. Perhaps be allowed to complete business unfinished. Perhaps a chance at a new life. He smiles as he secretly watches his blonde companion; perhaps a chance at desired life.
Chin resting in the palm of his hand, he watches her with curious eyes and a lazy smile. He watches her enjoy her cherry-red lollipop, unintentionally teasing him with slurps and sucks.
He blinks slowly, almost as if deciding.
In his next life, he officially wants to come back as Carter’s lollipop.
His eyes return to her form, and he observes how seductively she slides the round candy piece in her mouth, how she lets it roll on her tongue before her mouth closes over it. Lips close over the lollipop and the cherry-red bonbon disappears with a slurp. He sees her sucking in her cheeks, sees the adorable dimples appear. She removes the candy with a loud pop and licks her lips, capturing excess juices.
His mouth is slightly open and he’s breathing a little harder than intended. At this moment, he is eternally grateful that she’s distracted giving him the opportunity to unabashedly ogle her, no matter how wrong it is.
He nods to himself, making a mental note to write his reincarnation desire in his will. He observes her again, wanting to be that lollipop, the one now trapped in the hot confines of her mouth. Oh God, now more than ever, he wants to come back as Carter’s lollipop - wanting to be sucked and licked and teased and -
His eyes grow wide as she bites down. Hard. Shattering the candy into thousands of crunchy pieces which are in turn chewed and subsequently swallowed. Mouth ajar. Breath held.
She bit down. Hard.
Hard. Shattered. Swallowed.
He watches as she chucks the somewhat-chewed stick into the garbage and now glances at the blue-raspberry jello in front of her.
Bite. Hard.
He still can’t shake the horror and he shifts himself inconspicuously in his pants. He’s hard. Hard but scared. He glances away, rethinking his mental will. Perhaps reincarnation is not the solution - perhaps reincarnation is interfering with destiny. He begins to think, jagged thoughts darting in and out of his mind. Perhaps one’s purpose is that, and nothing more. Perhaps…
His eyes catch her again, this time as she’s savoring her favourite jello. He watches the spoon disappear in her mouth and deems it art. She does not chew, she does not bite. She just lets it slide. A second wiggly cube is on its way to its destination and he watches her tongue dart out first, tasting it before consuming it. She keeps it in her mouth, cheeks puffed out to fully enjoy the flavouring, allowing it to melt before taking another spoon of cubed-perfection.
Yeah, he concludes his musings on mortality with a grin, in his next life he wants to come back as Carter’s jello.
-finis-
Carter's Jello von Gomes
Story Bemerkung:
Disclaimer: All known characters and premises belong to their respective owners. So there.
Kapitel Abschlussbemerkung: Written formajorsamfan for the
sj_everyday Secret Santa exchange. Merry Christmas,