Truth and Consequences
by Bastet
Summary: Jack and Sam deal with the changes in their relationship (The Corners of My Mind), and find that it's not so easy to move on.
Category: Angst
Season: any Season
Pairing(s): Jack/Sam
Rating: 13+
Content: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 04/25/04
PART I
Daniel stood quietly in the doorway to Sam's lab, silently watching her at her computer. She sat motionless, staring into space, something he'd seen her doing more frequently these days. He was worried about her. Ever since her encounter with Ba'al, she'd been different. He'd been told of her behavior prior to her forced exile, but remembered when she had returned with Jack. The darkness that he'd been told had been creeping into her eyes had gone, and the humor and life had returned to her smile.
Her professionalism and dedication remained intact, and she genuinely seemed to once again enjoy the company of her comrades. But occasionally she seemed distracted. Only when she was alone. Daniel would come across her, usually in the lab, sitting and staring at nothing. She'd laughed it off when he'd called her on it, and he would have left it alone if he hadn't also noticed a slight change in the relationship she had with Colonel O'Neill.
Since they'd returned, there was a distance between them that hadn't been there before. A wariness in the way they spoke to each other, as if they were being almost too careful. He missed the easy interaction, and couldn't help but wonder what had transpired to cause the change. If anyone else noticed, there seemed to be a tacit understanding that it would remain a mystery.
Now, as he stood watching her, he felt a pang of remorse that he had been so unwilling to become involved. Daniel cared deeply for his friends, and resolved not to sit idly by if she needed a shoulder to lean on. He cleared his throat and stepped into the room. Her head jerked around, and she smiled as she saw him.
"Hey Daniel. What are you doing still here?" He stopped beside her, his index finger tapping the worktable lightly.
"Looking for you, actually." She looked up at him expectantly. He met her eyes squarely. "What are you doing for dinner?"
*****
Daniel smiled at the young waitress as he passed her his menu. Southside Johnny's was busy, as usual, but their table was set far enough from the center of the room that the activity merely impinged on their conversation. Sam was watching him carefully, a suspicious amusement lighting the blue of her eyes. She knew he was up to something; she'd known him for too long to be taken in by his innocent offer. He leaned his elbows on the table and looked into her eyes.
"Okay, so I had an ulterior motive for asking you here." She leaned back in the booth across from him and waited patiently. "Look, Sam, you know I'd never want to put my nose where it doesn't belong, " He ignored the arched eyebrow and continued. "But something's been bothering you, and I just want you to know that I'm here, if you want to talk. I know most of the people you know are Air Force, and there may be things you don't want to talk to them about. But I'm not military, and I promise anything you tell me will be kept just between us."
Sam's chest tightened as he spoke, at the sincere concern she saw in his blue eyes, and her resolve wavered. Her heart ached with the secret she was keeping. She wanted nothing more than to talk to someone, to have someone understand. She felt so alone, and Daniel was one of her closest friends; she knew that he would never betray a confidence. And she knew instinctively that he would understand. But she was still afraid, the rigid discipline had been too deeply ingrained in her to fall so easily.
Daniel watched the struggle in her mind, the need to remain in control battling with the all too human need to reach out to another. He took a deep breath, and stepped out on a limb. "It's Jack, isn't it?" Her eyes flashed up to his reflexively, and she felt stripped. Oh God, was it that obvious? He saw the fear in her eyes and hurriedly continued. "Don't worry. Lucky guess, that's all." Her eyes dropped to the table top and she sighed, rubbing both hands across her face as the final wall came tumbling down.
"How did I get here?" She muttered, half to herself. He reached across the table and took her hand, drawing her eyes back up to his as he leaned forward.
"Talk to me."
*****
"It seemed like the right decision at the time, but now..." Her voice trailed off as she finished her tale. Daniel sat silent, digesting her words, his mind envisioning the bizarre and difficult position they'd been placed in. She and Jack had been tiptoeing around this issue for years, could it possibly have ended any other way?
"I really thought we could just go back to the way it was. But it's just so awkward. And I know it's not just me; he's been avoiding me for weeks. We barely even speak anymore. So why is it that when I go home at night I feel like part of me is missing?"
He studied her across the table, seeing the depth of her confusion in the clear blue of her eyes, and his heart went out to her. They'd been friends for years, but in the time since his return, their friendship had deepened even more, into a warm, trusting relationship. He felt closer to her than almost anyone, and it pained him to see her so unhappy. He'd watched her relationship with Jack evolve from a wary camaraderie, to a true friendship, to something that he could never quite define. And now...
"It's just so hard." She continued. "Having to see him every day, wondering what he's thinking, what he's feeling. Remembering..." She trailed off, her eyes going distant as she thought back to his behavior at the cabin, his supportiveness, his tenderness towards her. The easy smile, the warmth in his eyes. So different from the stoic, hardened figure he'd reverted to at their return.
"Now he just seems...angry. I hate feeling like I've done something wrong. Maybe it was a mistake, but it happened. Why can't we just move on?" She shook her head in frustration. Daniel fingered his glass absently, searching for the right words, then spoke.
"Look, Sam. First of all, like I said, I'm not military. I understand the regulations, but I don't have to live by them." He leaned toward her, his voice quiet. "And I know what it's like to want something you can't have." She looked up at him, a small smile playing around the corners of her mouth.
"That was different. You and Sha're were married."
"We were in love. Not so different." She stared at him for a moment, stunned momentarily at hearing it put so bluntly for the first time. Daniel's face softened in understanding as he watched the realization sink in. It should have surprised him to find that she'd never even admitted it to herself, but it didn't. He knew her too well, and knew her ability to compartmentalize her feelings was second only to Jack's. What a mess.
She leaned back against the padded seat and reached for her beer, her eyes veiled and her tone touched with sarcasm. "If that's what this is, I can do without it." He smiled knowingly as she sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head in resignation.
"Oh Sam, I wish there was something I could do, something I could say, that would make it better. You know how much I care about you. More than anyone I know, you deserve to be happy. Both of you." She reached across the table and touched his arm, her face relaxing into a genuine smile.
"Just having someone to talk to does make it better, Daniel. I couldn't ask for anything more."
*****
He saw them as soon as he entered the commissary. Tucked away at a corner table, heads bent close together as they whispered quietly. She laughed, her face lighting up as she reached out and touched him lightly on the arm. The gesture was so familiar as to be almost intimate, and part of him wanted nothing more than to just turn and walk away. At that moment, she looked up and waved, having spotted him by the door. Stuffing his hands in the pockets of his pants, he sauntered casually over and stood by the table.
"Good morning, campers." He said brightly, his composure unruffled. Sam indicated the empty chair next to Daniel.
"Good morning, Colonel. Won't you join us?." He jerked a thumb towards the door and shook his head apologetically.
"Sorry, guys, but I've got a stack of paperwork on my desk that's beginning to defy the laws of gravity. Just needed to grab something to eat. You two..." He waved a hand vaguely in their direction. "Carry on."
He felt their eyes on him as he walked away, silently cursing himself for the feelings that had been creeping up on him more and more often lately. Feelings that were foreign and unwanted. Over the past few weeks, Jack had seen Daniel's relationship with Sam evolving slowly from the friendship they'd shared into something deeper, more intense. They spent more time together, both on and off base, and their rapport had developed an easy familiarity that suggested a deeper relationship.
Jack knew it was none of his business. After all, Daniel wasn't bound so rigidly by the restraints of military protocol. And God knew Sam deserved some happiness. Against his better judgement, his mind drifted while he stood in the cafeteria line, back to their brief time together, when they'd both been able to drop the barriers between them, at least for a little while. Despite the circumstances, everything about it had seemed right. Right to be there for her, to hold her, to hear the welcome sound of her laughter, and feel her next to him as he slept. Even now, he would wake in the morning, alone in his bed, and feel bereft at her absence. He thought he'd gotten used to the loneliness in his life, until that loneliness had been lifted, just for a little while.
He told himself that he could return to the solitude to which he'd become accustomed. After all, he'd never really believed that there was a second chance out there for an old soldier who'd already lived more than one life. But she deserved better. Better than wishful thinking and unrequited emotion. Better than what he could give her. Better than him. And if Daniel could fill the emptiness in her life, he told himself he should be happy for her. For both of them. He resolutely pushed aside the sick feeling that rose in his throat as he thought of them together, and made his way slowly back to his empty office.
*****
Sam's blue eyes narrowed as she watched the colonel's departing back. Biting her lower lip speculatively, she turned to Daniel.
"He's been acting even stranger than usual lately. Or is it just me?" Daniel looked up from his eggs and considered her words, chewing slowly. Taking a deep breath, he put his fork down and leaned his elbows on the table, lacing his fingers together and looking at her.
"Oh, I think it's just you." He paused slightly. "But not in the way you mean." She looked up at him and lowered her eyebrows in confusion. Daniel chose his next words carefully, unsure how far he was willing to take this conversation. "I think he's jealous." Sam's eyes widened in surprise.
"Jealous? Of what?" Daniel glanced down at his interlaced fingers, then back up at her.
"Of me." She shook her head and started to laugh. "Look," He continued, leaning forward. "For the past couple of weeks, we've been spending a lot more time together. Much more than we ever used to, right?" She nodded reluctantly. "We never think about it, because we're friends, but how do you think it looks to others?" Sam's face turned thoughtful as she considered his words.
"You mean he thinks we're..." She gestured between them as he shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee. Daniel felt a smile tug at the corners of his lips as he watched his friend stumble. In the weeks since Sam had opened up about her encounter with Jack, he'd gotten a much better idea of the undercurrents affecting their convoluted relationship. Of course, it had never affected the cohesiveness of their unit. Now, Jack's behavior was beginning to affect the team, even if he was unaware of it.
Daniel reached across the table and took Sam's hand in one of his own, drawing her eyes to his face. "Sam, listen to me. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He shook his head. "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but you're my friend and I care about you. And Jack. And I hate that you're not allowed to be happy." Sam tugged her hand from his and sat back. Daniel could all but see her defenses rising.
"I am happy, Daniel." She dropped her eyes to the table between them. "I have the most incredible life I can imagine. The sacrifices we make are nothing compared to the importance of what we do, you know that." Her gaze returned to his face, and he could read the conviction in the depths of her eyes. He sighed in resignation as she stood, and rose to join her.
"Okay, Sam. One of these days I'll get used to the way you guys think."
*****
PART II
"So you can see, the area around the structure appears to be uninhabited." Daniel clicked the projector remote, and a second image appeared on the screen, replacing the long-range view of the ancient structure. Up close, the deterioration of the weathered stone building was obvious, the grey stone pitted and broken. Daniel moved to the conference table and took a seat as Teal'c interjected.
"It appears to have been deserted for some time." Daniel nodded in agreement.
"The entry is too small for the M.A.L.P to navigate, but I think this is worth checking out, General. There's no visible writing on the structure, but the architecture is reminiscent of the building where we found Ernest Littlefield." Hammond tilted his head in interest.
"You think this may have something to do with the Ancients, Doctor?" Daniel shrugged, looking back over his shoulder at the projected image.
"I can't be sure, but I think even the possibility is worth exploring." He glanced around the table. Next to him, Sam nodded in agreement as Jack stared absently at the screen and Teal'c waited for Hammond's response. The General pursed his lips and tapped the polished table top with his index finger as he considered, then turned to O'Neill.
"Colonel, unless you have any reservations, I'm inclined to approve this mission." Daniel looked expectantly at Jack, who met his eyes briefly before turning to Hammond.
"No sir. I agree with Daniel. I think it's worth checking out." Hammond placed both hands flat on the table as he stood.
"All right, then. P4J-117 it is. Have your team ready to go in one hour, Colonel."
*****
"Well, this was a bust." Jack muttered, squinting his eyes in the glare of the mid-morning sun and resting his hands on the P-90 suspended at his chest. He glanced around at the peaceful surroundings and grimaced. The terrain was hilly and green, and a soft, floral scent wafted on the warm breeze. Daniel walked towards him, shaking his head in disappointment as Sam and Teal'c trailed behind him.
"I don't understand it. There's not one piece of writing on the whole thing. No glyphs, no symbols, nothing." He spread his hands wide, then let his arms fall limply to his sides, turning back towards the weathered stone building. Jack watched him in amusement, then reached over and placed a placating hand on his friend's shoulder.
"Yeah, well, they can't all be the meaning of life." Daniel turned at his voice, and started as he noticed a small group of men top a rise about fifty yards behind them. Jack, seeing the expression on Daniel's face, turned, his hand instinctively tightening on his weapon as Sam and Teal'c joined them, eyeing the group warily.
Six heads clustered close together as the small group chattered excitedly, pointing and staring at the team. After a tense moment, a tall man of about forty-five stepped from the group and moved hesitantly towards them. He wore a loose-fitting sleeveless tunic the color of sand, and a pair of dark brown trousers. Simple sandals adorned his feet. The other five, dressed similarly, huddled together as they followed a few paces behind.
Sam stepped to the colonel's side to gain a better vantage point, and the lead man stopped suddenly, staring. The group behind him halted as one, and low whispers were exchanged. Daniel instinctively stepped closer to Sam as the small crowd of men again moved toward them, their attention riveted on her almost to the exclusion of the others. She eyed them curiously and hefted her P-90, unsure if they posed a threat or not. Jack stepped to the front of the team, effectively blocking the path of the oncoming group.
The lead man stopped at Jack's movement and blinked, his features relaxing into a smile as he alone again moved forward, extending a hand. "Welcome, friends." He paused several feet away, his smile wavering as O'Neill eyed him warily, his hand still resting comfortably on his weapon. He glanced over Jack's shoulder at the rest of the team, hesitation clouding his dark eyes.
"You are, friends, aren't you?" His gaze dropped briefly to Jack's firearm and he cocked his head to one side as he dropped his hand. O'Neill spoke over his shoulder, his eyes never leaving the man.
"Daniel?" The archeologist moved forward around Jack and stopped a few paces from the man.
"Yes, we're friends. We're travelers, explorers." His eyes moved over the crowd behind the lead man. "I'm Daniel Jackson, this is Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter, and Teal'c" The man glanced back over his shoulder and smiled easily.
"My name is Moren Jurian. I apologize for our reaction to your appearance. It's just..." His eyes sought out Sam and he craned his neck slightly to see around the colonel, who moved imperceptibly to block his line of sight. The man sighed and turned his attention back to Daniel.
"Your companion, she is a woman." Daniel had a brief flashback to Simarka, and glanced briefly at the colonel, who was watching, his face impassive. Daniel took a step forward and spoke softly.
"Um, yes, she is. Is that a problem?" Confusion flitted across the man's face.
"No, of course not."
"Daniel." Jack's voice warned from behind him, and the man continued, shaking his head in apology.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to alarm you. We mean you no harm. We're from a village a short distance from here. We were just returning from out meeting hall when we heard your voices." Daniel took another step closer to the older man.
"So you live around here?" Moren nodded, gesturing towards the nearby hills.
"Yes, just a bit past those hills." Daniel glanced quickly back at the mysterious structure.
"So, do you have any idea what that building is?" Moren looked over his shoulder, his expression blank.
"No, I'm sorry. It has been here for as long as I can remember, and has no significance to my people. We have little need to build beyond the requirements of our village." He gestured behind him. "Come with us and we'll show you."
Disappointed about the ancient structure, but interested in this new development, Daniel turned to Jack and raised his eyebrows inquiringly. O'Neill thoughtfully chewed his lower lip for a moment, his face pensive, then spoke over his shoulder.
"Carter, you and Daniel head back through the gate and report to Hammond. Teal'c and I will check it out." Sam stared at him in confusion.
"But sir..." He turned quickly and impaled her with his gaze.
"Major?" She straightened her back and raised her chin, meeting his eyes squarely. Her lips were set in a thin, irritated line
"Yes sir. Daniel?" She turned, and Daniel hurried to catch up with her as Teal'c and the colonel moved off.
*****
Daniel glanced surreptitiously at Sam's guarded face as they moved quickly back towards the gate. Her jaw was clenched in irritation, and her forceful footsteps spoke volumes. He stopped suddenly, and waited several moments until she realized he was no longer beside her. She turned questioningly, then moved towards him as he watched her approach.
"You're angry." He stated when she stopped in front of him. "Why?" He asked. Her eyes dropped and she sighed, turned, and took several steps from him, shaking her head. At her silence, he continued. "He would have done the same thing if it had been anyone else. You remember what happened with the Shavadai. That whole situation could have been avoided if he'd sent you back. He's just being cautious." Sam turned suddenly, her indignation dying as she saw the sincere expression on his face.
"Yeah, sure." She muttered unconvincingly. "Whatever's best for the team." Daniel narrowed his eyes, knowing what was going on beneath the surface of her irritation. He moved towards her, standing close and speaking softly.
"Sam, I understand how you're feeling." She looked up at him, saw the concern in his blue eyes, and cursed herself for being such an ass. She reached out and touched him gently on the arm, smiling reassuringly.
"I'm sorry, Daniel." She laughed sardonically. "I'm acting like a spoiled brat. I know you're right, it was a good decision. I guess I'm just feeling a little over sensitive these days." She shook her head. "Thanks for the reality check." He peered at her doubtfully. That had been too easy.
"Okay, Sam. You know I'm here, whenever you ever want to talk." She smiled gratefully at him, amazed for the hundredth time by his compassion and understanding.
"I know."
*****
Jack glanced warily over his shoulder as he and Teal'c followed the small, excited group. He hitched his weapon into a more comfortable position and moved closer to the big Jaffa.
"It was the right decision." He muttered softly, out of the hearing of the group ahead. Teal'c looked at him thoughtfully.
"I do not believe anyone is questioning the validity of your decision, O'Neill." Jack snorted derisively.
"You don't think so? Just wait until we get back." He shook his head and lengthened his stride to catch up to the group, tapping Moren on the shoulder.
"So, Moren. You don't seem too surprised to see strangers here." Moren's brown eyes sparkled as he smiled.
"You're not the first visitors we've had, Colonel. It happens rarely, but even in my lifetime I've been given the honor of befriending those from far lands. We are aware of the Chapa'ai, and it's capabilities of sending travelers to far places." Teal'c approached the pair, picking up the gist of the conversation.
"You have never traveled through the stargate yourselves?" Moren shook his head complacently.
"Where could it take us that would be better than here? Would it change who we are, or what we hold important? No, my people are content to remain here." He slowed, eyes narrowing as he studied the ground in front of him. "I apologize if our interest in your female friend offended you. It was certainly not our intention. You see, about a hundred years ago our village was struck with a virus that decimated our population. Our women were hit particularly hard; ninety percent of the females over the age of adolescence died, and we're still trying to regain a normal gender distribution. We have about two thousand people in our village, of which only about twenty percent are women" He glanced at O'Neill, a subtle smile turning up the corners of his mouth. "A visitor of the female persuasion is always welcome."
His smile faded as he read the warning expression on the colonel's face, and he quickened his pace slightly, his voice taking on a more professional tone. "Our village is just over the next rise. You're welcome to stay as long as you wish." Jack stopped suddenly, and the other man turned, eying him curiously..
"Is it safe?" Moren considered for a moment.
"I don't see why not. Once we were able to synthesize a vaccine for the virus, all our people were inoculated. There hasn't been any sign of trouble for a generation." Jack chewed his lower lip thoughtfully, eyes scanning the nearby horizon. He glanced at Teal'c, who observed him silently.
"Well, no offense, but I think we'll play it safe. We appreciate the invitation." Moren stepped back and nodded politely.
"Of course. You're welcome to return." He smiled. "We'll be here."
*****
"Basically, they're a pretty good bunch of folks, General." Jack leaned back in his chair and swiveled slowly, facing the head of the conference table in the briefing room. "Estimates put their current population at about two thousand, about eighty percent male. Technologically not terribly impressive. Behind us, anyway. They're advanced enough to understand the stargate, but they've got no interest in using it." He smiled. "Nice place to go on vacation, though." He glanced around the table. Daniel was immersed in his preliminary report, Teal'c was inscrutable as always, and Sam...
His eyes caught on her, sitting across from him, her arms crossed over her chest and her face impassive. She hadn't spoken to him since he and Teal'c had returned, and he wondered if she was angry. Not that she had any right to be, he reminded himself. There was nothing inappropriate about his decision, he knew that. If she had a problem with following his orders, that was her issue, not his. She felt his eyes on her and turned slightly, their gaze meeting briefly before she dropped her eyes to the table and turned to Hammond as he spoke.
"Well, it's nice to have another group to put on our friendlies list. I'll consider this a successful mission. I'd like your reports submitted by the end of the day." He referred briefly to the medical report on the table in front of him. "Doctor Fraiser has given you all a clean bill of heath, but this virus still has me a bit concerned. Keep me updated of any developments. Dismissed."
Daniel flipped his folder closed and looked over at Carter. "Hey, Sam. I'm going to grab some breakfast. You want to come?" She looked up, and he noticed the tired lines around her eyes.
"No thanks. I'm a little tired. I think I'll go crash in one of the VIP rooms for a while. I'll see you at lunch." She rose and left the room, feeling the curious eyes of her teammates on her retreating back.
*****
"You know I made the right decision." Jack asserted as he followed Daniel through the crowded commissary, balancing his lunch tray on one hand and weaving his way between the tables. Daniel sighed as he seated himself.
"She knows it too, Jack. That's not what's bothering her." Jack paused, then slowly set down his tray and seated himself, his mind going back to that morning outside his cabin, and their conversation. They agreed that nothing would change. But it had, in subtle ways that neither could have anticipated.
"So, what is bothering her?" He asked tentatively. Daniel's eyes dropped to his plate and he chewed his lower lip for a moment. Jack watched him intently, his stomach tightening at this friend's hesitation. He knew, damn it. Something was wrong with Sam and Daniel knew about it. She'd told him, talked to him, confided in him. A small part of his heart hardened at the thought. Fine, he told himself. They could have their little secrets; see if he cared. Daniel looked up at him and opened his mouth to speak. Jack cut him off, shaking his head and waving a hand dismissively.
"Forget it." Daniel saw the walls go up around his friend. Jack was worried about Sam, he realized, but just didn't know what to do about it within the confines of this new relationship they'd constructed. Unsure how to respond, he decided to let it pass.
"I wonder where she is?" He checked his watch and craned his neck towards the commissary door. "It's not like her to be late. Especially not for lunch." Jack raised his head, his meal suddenly becoming even less appealing as a sense of foreboding settled into the pit of his stomach.
"No, it's not." He glanced at his watch and stood. "You know, she didn't look too hot at the briefing. I think I'll go check in on her." Daniel watched him move towards the door, his strides purposeful and quick, and wondered if he even realized how much she meant to him. Shaking his head, he turned back to his meal.
*****
He knocked lightly at the door to the VIP room, and leaned his head close. He knocked again, louder. "Sam?" He called. Silence from inside the room. Feeling the first twinges of uneasiness, he pulled his access card from his pocket and slid it quickly through the reader, his hand on the doorknob. "Sam, I'm coming in."
The lamp on the bedside table threw a faint light onto the small bed in the corner. He could see her still form; she lay on her side with her back to him, her knees pulled up slightly. He moved slowly into the room, not wanting to disturb her sleep, but feeling his uneasiness beginning to grow. He reached out and touched her shoulder, shaking her gently. "Sam?" He whispered softly. She pulled in a shuddering breath and rolled onto her back. Her eyes were closed, and even in the dim light he could see the unnatural flush of her cheeks. He knelt beside her and pressed his hand to her forehead. She was burning up, and the hair around her face was damp with perspiration.
"Oh no." He murmured, slipping one arm under her shoulders and the other under her knees. Her body was limp as he cradled her against his chest and rushed from the room towards the infirmary.
*****
"What happened?" Janet cried as he stormed into the infirmary, the unconscious Carter in his arms. He laid her gently on a cot and backed away as the doctor took over.
"I don't know. She didn't show up for lunch. I found her passed out in the VIP room." Janet called for assistance, and Jack was crowded out as he watched in concern. His stomach flipped over with worry as he caught occasional glimpses of her flushed face, and heard the tenseness of Janet's voice as she instructed her technicians. He backed towards the wall and waited.
*****
The soft, incessant beeping of the heart monitor filled the room as Janet addressed Hammond and the assembled members of SG1.
"I don't know what this is, General." She looked down at her patient, lying motionless, face still flushed with fever. "Nothing showed up on the preliminary tox screen from her post-mission exam. Whatever this is, it works fast. It's almost like a system-wide shut down. Slowly, little by little, all Sam's functions are slowing down, and nothing we do seems to help. If we can't stop this, she'll be gone within two days."
Daniel reached down and took Sam's limp hand in his, as Jack motioned to Janet and turned towards Hammond, speaking softly. "General, I recommend returning to P4J-117. This may be related to the virus they told us about. Moren said it affected a lot of their women. That may explain why only Carter's been affected." Hammond rubbed his chin thoughtfully, then nodded.
"All right, colonel. You have a go. But in case you're right, I don't want anyone else exposed to this. And we can't risk bringing anyone back." Jack nodded, his eyes masked as they moved over the inert form of his friend. Daniel sat close to her on the cot, her hand held in his as he spoke softly, intimately to her. Jack tried to ignore the tightness in his chest as he watched them, as Daniel reached out and gently smoothed the damp hair from her forehead. It was a tender gesture, a lover's gesture, and his jaw clenched as he steeled his emotions and turned to Hammond.
"Understood, sir. I'll be back within the hour."
"Sir." Jack turned at Janet's voice. She handed him a small vial. "This is a blood sample from Sam. Maybe it'll help." He nodded and tucked the small bottle into his vest pocket, and hurried from the room as Hammond turned to Janet.
"In the meantime, I want Major Carter isolated." Janet nodded, beckoning towards a nearby technician.
"Yes, sir. I'll need to be isolated as well. I may have already been exposed. I can continue to monitor her in the isolation ward."
*****
PART III
Jack loped nimbly down the ramp as the gate deactivated behind him, not slowing as he reached the bottom and turned towards the door. Hammond met him in the hall, hurrying to catch up to him as he rushed towards the infirmary.
"They want to see her, General. Based on the blood sample it's a safe bet Carter's been infected with that bug. They have a vaccine, but they haven't used it for almost a hundred years. There's no guarantee it'll work, but they're willing to give it a try."
"Give what a try?" Daniel asked as Jack and the general entered the isolation ward observation room. Janet looked up from within the isolation ward as she noticed them. Her features were tired, but she seemed to show no signs of the virus that had attacked Sam. Hammond grabbed the microphone.
"Doctor Fraiser, the villagers on `117 think they may be able to help Major Carter. Can she be moved?" Janet glanced at her patient..
"I don't think we have a choice, General. Nothing I've done seems to be making a damn bit of difference. If there's a chance they can help her we should take the risk." She glanced back at her flushed, motionless patient. "I need to go with her, General." Hammond looked at her through the glass and shook his head firmly.
"Absolutely not. We can't take the chance. You're not symptomatic at this point, and we have no indication that Major Carter is contagious. There's too great a danger of you being infected if you return with her." Janet closed her eyes in frustration as Jack turned to Hammond.
"Sir?" The older man nodded once, and Daniel reached out and placed a hand on Jack's arm.
"Be careful, Jack." Jack stared at the younger man for a moment, seeing the deep concern in the blue of his eyes. If he had any doubt about the depth of Daniel's feelings for Sam, they were erased by the naked emotion on his friend's face. The last hope faded painfully from his heart as he placed his hand on Daniel's shoulder.
"Don't worry. I'll take care of her."
*****
They were waiting for him as he stepped away from the gate, Sam's still, blanket-wrapped form held close to his chest. Moren moved forward quickly, placing a hand on her forehead and checking the pulse in her wrist. He closed his eyes briefly, and nodded soberly to the young woman with him, then beckoned her forward.
"Colonel O'Neill, this is Rya Leal, she is one of our foremost medical practitioners. Please, come with us. We have prepared a room." Jack followed the pair obediently, pressing the still form of his friend close to his chest. He could feel the heat from her body seep through the blankets as the fever raged within her, and the flush in her cheeks had not abated.
He ignored the curious stares of the village people as he followed Moren and Rya into the village and through a large courtyard. Trees dotted the expanse of green grass, and the open area was surrounded on all sides by open walkways adjacent to the surrounding buildings. Moren gestured for him to hurry, and led him down a long hallway towards the village living quarters.
The room was small, but airy, with large open windows covered with sheer panel curtains that blew softly in the gentle breeze from outside. Jack moved forward and laid Sam gently on the small bed in the corner of the room, stepping aside as Rya approached, laying a gentle hand on Sam's forehead. Moren looked on in concern, then spoke to Jack.
"We're working on formulating the vaccine now, Colonel. It shouldn't be long. I'm not sure how she'll react; it was designed for our physiology, but I hope it will help." He looked sadly at the woman lying motionless in the bed. "I'm so sorry. If we had any idea that this would happen...we always assumed that the virus had died, since the girls showed no signs as they matured, and the newborns were never affected. None of our previous visitors had any trouble, either." He shook his head. "I don't understand." Jack moved to the side of the bed and stared down at the flushed face of his friend, his throat constricting with worry and fear.
"Yeah, well. Let's just see if we can fix it, huh?"
Sam heard voices around her, strange muted sounds that didn't quite make an impact on her brain. Behind her closed eyes her mind wandered aimlessly, fragmented thoughts and memories appearing and disappearing like wraiths in the darkness. She was warm, floating in a comfortable haze that threatened to engulf her. But something in her fought against the beckoning softness of oblivion.
The voices were low, and unfamiliar to her. Except for one. His voice. Her foggy mind reached toward that voice, like an island in the middle of a roiling river. She held onto it for dear life, knowing that if she let go she would be lost forever. The words had no meaning, but something deep within her responded to the voice, the low, rumbling quality of it, so close now.
Jack sat beside her, taking her hand in his as he smoothed the damp hair from her forehead. She murmured softly, and he could see the movement of her eyes behind her closed lids. He leaned forward and spoke to her, his mind flashing back to an uncannily similar situation in the infirmary, months ago. She'd fought her way back from that, he told himself. And she'd fight her way back from this. But it wasn't fair. She'd already been through so much. How many times could she be pushed to the edge before she finally slipped over?
He'd tried not to let his feelings for her cloud his judgment, or color his decisions. And she had responded with professionalism and respect. But hidden deep within each of them was the tacit acknowledgment that things were different. Had been different ever since their stay at his cabin. He refused to consider the possibility of losing her. The thought brought to the fore too many other losses, and the pain that went with them. An instinct whispered in his ear, below the threshold of conscious thought, that if he lost her, all the pain that had been walled up in his subconscious would suddenly break free, and he would be lost.
He looked up as Moren entered the room, followed closely be Rya. The young woman moved towards the bed, a small syringe held tightly in one hand as Moren turned to Jack. "Colonel, you must understand that I'm not sure how this will affect her." Jack turned his eyes back to Sam. He could hear the rattling sound of her labored breathing in the silence of the room.
"I don't think you can make it worse."
*****
Consciousness returned slowly. She felt the warmth of the blankets around her, and slowly turned her head to the side, struggling to open her eyes. Her body felt heavy, sluggish, as if she were underwater, and her throat was dry and parched. She swallowed painfully and tried to lift her hand to her aching head. Pain shot through her joints and she moaned, dropping her hand back to the softness of the blanket.
Her vision was blurred as she looked uncertainly around the strange room, and realized she had no idea where she was. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye, turned her head slowly, and saw him, slumped in the chair in which he'd spent the night.
"Colonel." Her voice was cracked and faint, barely recognizable even to her. But he heard her, and opened his eyes, relief flooding his features as he stood and moved painfully towards the bed.
"Hey Carter." He sat next to her, reaching out and placing a hand on her forehead. He smiled, relieved, and smoothed her hair back as she stared at him in confusion. "How do you feel?"
"Like crap." He smiled at her honesty. "Thirsty." He reached over and grabbed the water glass from the bedside table, and slipped his arm behind her shoulders, helping her sit up. Her head fell limply against his shoulder as she drank gratefully, the water soothing her parched throat and lips. She sighed and for a moment simply leaned against him, her head resting on his shoulder, her eyes closed. For a moment he thought she'd lapsed back into unconsciousness, until she lifted her head and spoke faintly.
"What happened? Where is this?" He set the glass back down on the table and laid her gently back into the bed cushions, moving to sit on the edge of the small bed and taking her hand in his. She watched him curiously, surprised by the tenderness she saw in his dark eyes.
"What's the last thing you remember?" Her brow furrowed as she thought back.
"The briefing. I was tired, didn't feel well, so I went to the VIP room to lie down." She shook her head. "Everything's fuzzy after that." He smiled slightly, and she noticed for the first time the tired lines around his eyes.
"Yeah. You didn't show up for lunch at one. We found you passed out in the VIP room. Fraiser couldn't figure out what was wrong. Turns out that little bug from `117 hitched a ride home with you. I brought you back here last night. Fortunately these guys still had the vaccine."
His eyes were warm as he looked at her, unguarded for the first time in months. She welcomed the feel of his calloused hand on hers, and tightened her fingers around his as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back. Suddenly she opened her eyes, staring at him in confusion.
"You've been here all night?" He smiled sheepishly, dropping his eyes.
"Yeah, well, I had to put my busy social life on hold, but...." She heard the wry humor in his voice as his defense mechanisms kicked in, and squeezed his hand, drawing his eyes back to her own.
"Thank you." She whispered, and saw the defenses drop once again as he searched her face, seeing only gratitude and affection in her features. A sudden picture of Daniel flashed into his mind, and he mentally pulled himself away. She closed her eyes tiredly, and he stood, releasing her hand and jerking a thumb towards the door.
"I'm uh, going to let them know you're awake." She murmured something incoherent as she drifted back to sleep, and he stood for several silent moments watching her, feeling the now-familiar tightening in his chest as her breathing slowed and her features relaxed. Would he ever get used to seeing her in danger? Placing her in danger? He shook his head and turned away.
*****
Standing at the window of the small room, Sam took a deep breath of the fresh, slightly scented air, and was relieved to find only a small twinge of pain from the effort. She sighed, and for a moment allowed herself to simply enjoy the view from the open window. Large, dark-green leaves hung low above the sill, and the nearby plants were adorned with small, purple flowers that reminded her of the Mountain Laurel that grew around Cheyenne.
Tilting her head to one side, she absently fingered the soft fabric of the sleeveless tunic the young woman Rya had brought for her to wear. The material was a soft powder-blue, light and soft to the touch. Well, she thought wryly, it was a lot better than that hospital gown she was brought here in. Speaking of which...
She turned from the window as she heard him enter, in time to see the scowl that drew his brows down over his disapproving eyes.
"What are you doing out of bed?" He said by way of greeting, moving towards her. She stood her ground as he approached, trying to ignore the quiver of nerves that tingled across her skin as she remembered her state of dress. The brief shift was soft and comfortable, but stopped well above her knees, and the laced-up neckline was cut a bit too low for her tastes. If he noticed her unease he gave no sign as he stopped a few feet away and glowered at her.
"I feel much better, really." She asserted, raising her chin stubbornly. He narrowed his eyes and she saw his gaze move slightly southward, to the fair skin and soft swell of flesh exposed by her tunic. In the split second it took for him to raise his eyes to hers again, she saw something. A subtle change of expression, a softening of his stoic features, and a warming of his eyes. To her irritation, she felt a flush creep into her face at his brief appraisal, and turned away, towards the bed. She heard him clear his throat behind her.
"Yeah, well, Rya doesn't want you to leave here until she's sure you're cured for good. She's suggested at least two more days." She turned, halfway to the bed, and stared at him in surprise, momentarily forgetting her discomfort.
"Two more days?" He raised his hands, preventing the rebuttal he knew was brewing.
"It's just a precaution." His voice was low and soothing, as he explained. "First of all, they're still not sure what effects that vaccine will have. Plus, " he continued hurriedly as she opened her mouth to speak. "They want to make sure you don't take any little friends with you. We can't afford an outbreak at the SGC." She snapped her mouth shut as the logic of the argument filtered through her brain. He moved towards her, taking her by the upper arms and fixing her with his gaze. She tried to ignore the warmth of his hands on her bare skin as she looked up at him.
"Look. It's only two days. Think of it as...a vacation." He ignored her narrowed eyes, and steered her towards the bed, pulling back the coverlet and allowing her to climb in. He tucked the soft material around her as she leaned back against the headboard and seated himself, watching her with something akin to amusement. The stubborn look on her face told him that she was unhappy, but he couldn't help but smile slightly. A couple of days ago he thought he was going to lose her for good. He'd take her willfulness gladly. Suddenly the smile left his face as he remembered something. His gaze moved away from her face.
"Oh, and, uh, Daniel wanted me to tell you he's thinking about you." Sam smiled, then sobered as she registered the serious tone of the colonel's voice, the downcast eyes.
"Colonel? Is something wrong?" She queried, trying to attract his eyes. He stood suddenly, moved several steps away, then stopped, his back turned to her. He was silent for a moment, and she waited. The tense set of his shoulders told her he had something to say. Finally he released a breath and spoke, still turned away.
"Look, Carter. I know it's none of my business, but I just want you to know that, uh, I'm happy for you. Daniel's... uh...he's a good guy." She stared at his back for a moment, trying to piece together exactly what he'd just said. Suddenly it dawned on her, and she realized with a start that Daniel had been right. He thought there was something going on between them. Her eyes widened and her mind struggled for the right words to say.
"Colonel." She began hesitantly. He didn't respond, and she tried again. "Jack." He looked back over his shoulder. His eyes were guarded as he studied her, the warmth and affection she'd seen sporadically recently carefully hidden away. She took a deep breath.
"If you think there's something...going on...between me and Daniel, you're wrong." He turned more fully towards her, confusion darkening his eyes. She considered briefly, then continued. "Ever since Daniel came back he's been...different. You must have noticed it. He's been...easier, more relaxed." She lowered her eyes for a moment. "I admit that our friendship has grown a lot over the last few months, but that's all it is. A friendship. It could never be like..." She faltered for a moment, weighing how much she should say, and decided to keep it simple, and raised her eyes to his. "You should know that." She looked at him intently, trying to convey without words what her heart wanted him to know.
He studied her silently for a long moment, his expression softening almost imperceptibly as he considered her words. He could feel her eyes on him, full of an emotion that he couldn't name. Words bubbled up within him, words that he desperately wanted to say, needed to say. Words that were forbidden to him, to them both. Words that he knew would never be said.
So there was nothing between her and Daniel. Did that change their situation? No, he admitted angrily, it didn't. An ugly, bitter feeling rose in him as he realized it. And where exactly did that leave him? Exactly where he'd been last week, and the week before, and three God-damned years ago.
Sam watched his expression move from confusion, to relief, to acceptance. Then, his eyes clouded over in a mute, smoldering anger. She desperately wanted to know what was going on in his mind, but knew better than to press him. So she watched silently as whatever battle he was fighting waged on within him, until he finally, slowly, turned and fled from the room.
*****
Damn. Damn damn damn. Jack leaned thoughtfully against the balustrade, his unseeing eyes turned toward the activity taking place in the courtyard before him. This situation had become intolerable. He couldn't tell her what he wanted to tell her, and yet couldn't seem to move on from this painful limbo in which he found himself. What the hell was wrong with him?
He was a soldier. Decades of military life had ingrained in him certain ideals, priorities. How had this happened? How had he allowed her to work her way so far beneath his skin? It had been so gradual, this connection that had developed between them. As long as she was with him it was almost unnoticeable. But in her absence it imposed itself on his mind like a hole in his soul, like a piece of himself that was missing. He'd never experienced anything like it, and wasn't at all sure he liked it.
He felt...compromised. As if she had some kind of control over him, and that was unacceptable. He'd learned a long time ago the dangers of allowing someone to get too close. She was too close. The problem was, he couldn't find it within him to push her away. So they remained in orbit around each other, unable to touch, but unable to move on. Unable to touch, he thought, except that one time.
He thought back to that night at his cabin, when she had needed him so badly. She'd never asked, she hadn't had to. Something inside her had reached out to him, and he'd responded willingly, eagerly. And for that one night, all his carefully constructed defenses had fallen, and lain in a shambles around the undeniable force of their attraction. Even now, his body reacted to the memory of that night, of how right she'd felt in his arms, how she'd responded to him, eagerly and without inhibition.
But it was more than that. She'd trusted him. She hadn't just reached out; she'd reached out to him. She'd bared herself to him, body and soul, and he'd been unprepared for his response. The fierce protectiveness he'd felt as he'd taken her into his arms, and the awesome feeling of power as she'd surrendered willingly to him. As he'd surrendered to her. He squeezed his eyes shut and bent his head in frustration.
Damn. Damn damn damn.
*****
Sam stared out the window of her little room, thinking about Jack. She felt crushed by the weight of her feelings, and suffocated by her inability to express them. The words she wanted to say remained locked in her mind. She knew he didn't want to hear them. Didn't need to hear them.
On some instinctual level, she knew he understood. Knew her feelings, her thoughts. And maybe that was the hardest part of all. When she looked into his eyes she saw herself reflected back. Her fear, her pain, her need. And knew that it was his fear, his pain, and his need that had driven him from her.
There was no doubt, no hesitation, in their feelings for each other. She closed her eyes and for the millionth time cast her thoughts back to that night. That one night, when all the barriers had fallen, when all the doubt had been erased and the only thing that mattered was him. His arms, and his lips, and the incredible, ironic feeling that for the first time in her life she felt perfectly, blessedly safe.
His skill as a lover had been impressive, but it had been the emotions behind the act that had touched her even more, a feeling that so transcended the physical that she'd felt as if her soul had been laid bare. And in that one night he had touched her, loved her, accepted her without reservation and without condition. The memory was a sweet, painful ache in her heart, the knowledge that it was destined never to be repeated a jarring reminder of the reality they'd chosen.
She squeezed her eyes shut and fought the bitter tears that formed behind her lids. They'd made the right decision, she repeated, over and over. She clung to the mantra like a drowning woman, desperately trying to stay afloat amid the tides of her doubt and regret. She swallowed and opened dry eyes, inhaling deeply the fresh air from outside as the feelings were quelled once more, the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her caged once again and shoved into the darkest corner of her mind.
They'd made the right decision.
*****
"Glad to hear it, Colonel." General Hammond's tinny voice burst from the speaker of the M.A.L.P in the fading light of the coming sunset. "Do you agree with this woman's recommendation?" Jack scratched his head for a moment, glancing over his shoulder towards the hills that obscured the nearby village.
"I do, sir. It certainly wouldn't hurt to be sure, and we're only talking about a couple of days. How's the doc?" Relief was evident in the general's voice.
"Still no symptoms. We received the vaccine sample you sent through and are keeping it, just in case. But at this time it appears that the worst is over."
"Good news." Jack hesitated for a moment, chewing his lower lip in silent concentration. "General, if you don't mind I'd like to stay here until Carter's ready to go. In the meantime, I can learn a little more about these people." He cringed inwardly at the half-truth, not willing to admit even to himself the true motivation for his request.
"Permission granted, Colonel. Send her our best, will you?" Jack nodded in the direction of the tiny camera.
"Will do, General. O'Neill out."
*****
Jack stood silently in the doorway, an invisible presence in the tiny room. Silver moonlight filtered in through the thick foliage outside the window, and a gentle breeze barely moved the thin curtains. She lay sleeping, one arm laid casually across her stomach, the other hand curled gently on the pillow next to her head. Her face was turned away from him, but he could just make out the slow, steady rise and fall of her chest in the faint light.
Moren had arranged for Jack to occupy the room next to her, a situation which facilitated his late-night visit. He watched her quietly, his mind moving in circles as he desperately searched for an escape, a way out of their current predicament. As always, he found no answers, only frustration.
He stepped further into the room, his bare feet making no sound as he approached the bed. He could hear the soft sounds of her breathing, and closed his eyes, remembering the nights he'd spent feeling the warmth of her breath on his neck, the softness of her body in his arms. He ached with the memory, and wanted nothing more than to crawl in beside her and pull her to him.
She stirred slightly, pulling in a breath and turning towards him, and he suddenly felt like an intruder. Standing in the dark, watching her like some sort of voyeur, invading her privacy. Disgusted with himself, he turned and made his way back to his own room.
*****
Seated on a small wooden bench near the corner of the courtyard, Sam tilted her head back and felt the welcome warmth of the morning sun wash across her face. She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly. Maybe Jack was right. With her body healing quickly, and surrounded by the tranquil village, she almost felt like she was on vacation.
Once she was convinced of Sam's ability to be out and about, Rya had provided her with suitable clothing; soft, shin-length trousers the color of coffee, a short, sleeveless top, and simple brown sandals. She heard voices off to the right, and opened her eyes to see Jack and Moren striding purposefully along the covered walkway. She watched them for a moment until they noticed her, then raised a hand in greeting. Even from a distance she could see the smile that lit the colonel's face, and her stomach flipped over. He said something to Moren, then moved towards her with that bouncy, confident walk she'd come to appreciate.
"Hey Carter." He looked down at her, smiling easily. She squinted up in the light of the sun.
"Hey." If he noticed the lack of proper salutation, he ignored it. Damn, she looked relaxed. The expression on her face reminded him unsettlingly of the look she had as they were leaving his cabin, when she'd turned and looked out over the waters of the placid lake.
"May I?" He gestured. She glanced down at the empty bench beside her and sat up straighter.
"Please." He seated himself and leaned back, silently watching the activity around them. Sam glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.
"So, what were you and Moren talking about?" She queried. He blew a breath out through parted lips.
"Oh, you know. Just getting to know the people."
"Ah." She responded simply, then continued, not looking at him. "Thanks for staying, by the way. You didn't have to." His eyes were fixed on some point across the yard as he nodded and pursed his lips.
"Yeah, well, I thought..." he faltered, his eyes dropping to his lap, deciding against the sarcastic reply. "You're welcome." He sighed and sat forward, his eyes scanning the courtyard. "Well, I guess I'll go find someone else to get to know. Promised Hammond I'd have some detailed information by the time we got back." He glanced over his shoulder at her, noticing the slight deterioration in her happy countenance. "You going to be okay?" She shook herself, and smiled.
"I'll be fine. Thanks." He nodded, eyed for speculatively for a moment, then stood and moved off. She watched him walk away, and felt something pull at her heart, a vague disappointment, an unsatisfied desire, that left her feeling empty and alone. Cursing herself for her weakness, she stood and moved off in the other direction.
*****
The sun was setting when she returned to the courtyard. He was there, on the same bench. She smiled to herself and walked slowly towards him, stopping and waiting for him to look up.
"Hey, Colonel." She said.
"Hey."
"May I?" He smiled obliquely at her, remembering their morning conversation.
"Please." She smiled and seated herself next to him, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. They sat together in silence for long moments, watching the sky darken slowly from blue, to deep rose, to almost black. The courtyard was lit dimly by stanchions that lined the covered walkways, and the light of the moon that filtered through the trees. Few of the villagers were out, most having retired to their homes for the night.
Finally, as the silence began to stretch, she spoke, her eyes forward. "Rya thinks it's okay for me to leave tomorrow. If you're done with your research, that is." His face was inscrutable in the dim light as he considered her words.
"Yeah, I think I've learned about all I need to know." He turned his head and looked at her. "Tomorrow, huh?" She felt his gaze on her and turned to face him, finding his eyes in the semi-darkness.
"Yeah." She dropped her gaze and gave a small chuckle. "You know, all things considered, the last couple of days have been nice. You were right." He gave her a crooked smile.
"Don't worry. I'll try not to make a habit of it." He saw the flash of teeth in the moonlight as she laughed softly, then glanced shyly at him out of the corner of her eye, shaking her head. She turned slightly to face him, and a soft breeze blew a stray strand of hair across her cheek. Without thinking, he reached up and brushed it away, tucking it behind her ear. His hand lingered for a moment, indecisive, then moved slightly to brush her cheek lightly with his knuckles.
She held her breath, feeling the feather-light touch on her face, watching him with wide eyes. His gaze followed his hand absently as it stroked the smooth skin, then his eyes flashed to hers with a jolt of electricity that shook them both. His lips parted slightly, as if to speak, but no sound came out as his eyes moved over her features. She felt his calloused thumb on the smooth skin of her cheek, then his hand moved slowly around to the back of her neck. The warmth of his fingers sent shivers up and down her spine in the slowly cooling evening air as she stared up at his rugged features, her gaze focusing on his parted lips.
There were no words as he slowly bent his head and tugged her gently towards him. Her eyes flitted closed as she felt his warm breath on her face, then the soft, firm feel of his mouth on hers. His lips moved slowly, languidly, across hers in a kiss that was both gentle and demanding, as his fingers stroked the soft hair at the nape of her neck.
Memories of their night together surged to the fore as their lips moved hungrily against each other. Not just a union of bodies, but of hearts, minds, and souls. Her lips parted, and she trembled at the sensuous feel of his tongue exploring her possessively, as his hand tightened on the back of her neck and he pressed her to him.
After a long, heated moment, he pulled away slightly, and she followed, leaning into him and reaching up to recapture his lips with her own, her fingers clenching the fabric of his t-shirt. He groaned softly at her advance, his fingers curling into her hair as he felt her tongue caress his lips, a gesture so erotic his entire body responded.
Summoning all of his restraint, he pulled away, turning his head and squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to catch his breath. "Sam." He growled, his voice hoarse with desire. "We can't." The words were like knives in his heart, but he knew they had to be said. He felt her pull back from him, heard her rapid breathing as she struggled to regain her composure. He opened his eyes to find her staring at him, her eyes dark and depthless in the moonlight, shining with tears she refused to shed.
"I know." She whispered simply, then dropped her gaze, stood, and disappeared into the night. He leaned forward on his elbows, his head in his hands, his body still shaking from the effort of pulling away from her, and his mind infused with an anger the likes of which he'd rarely before experienced.
It wasn't fair! God damn it, it wasn't fair! How much more was he supposed to sacrifice? How far would he go before he finally decided it was enough? He turned his eyes to the night sky and cursed fate for showing him exactly what he wanted, what he needed, and then putting it beyond his reach. Finally, angry and emotionally exhausted, he stood and stalked away.
*****
PART IV
"It's good to have you back, Major." Sam smiled at Hammond, acknowledging the comment with a slight inclination of her head. She'd met Jack in the courtyard that morning, and they'd said their thanks and goodbyes to Moren and Rya before returning to the SGC. Hammond had allowed her three hours to shower, change, and visit Janet in the infirmary before scheduling a short debriefing.
Jack sat on the other side of the table, toying absently with a pencil while Sam updated the general. The tension between them had been palpable since they'd met that morning, but neither of them had been willing to acknowledge it.
Daniel, on the other hand, couldn't miss it. His eyes moved from one to the other during her exposition, noticing the way their eyes always seemed to manage to miss each other. Something had happened, and it wasn't good. Damn, he thought. As if things weren't screwed up enough already. Jack looked up as the general cleared his throat.
"Well, I think SG-1 has earned some down time. I'd like to see you all back on base on Monday, but take the weekend. Dismissed."
*****
Jack looked up in irritation as Daniel knocked lightly on the half-open door of his office.
"So what part of down-time do you not understand?" The younger man joked, and was rewarded with a scowl. Okay, he thought, let's try something different. Jack's a soldier, how about a frontal assault? He entered the office and pulled the door closed behind him, taking a deep breath.
"I'm going to assume you don't want to tell me what happened," he began, ignoring the warning look from the colonel. "So for now I'll just do the talking." He crossed his arms over his chest and gathered his thoughts while Jack watched with thinly veiled impatience.
"First of all, running away from the situation won't make it any better." Jack sighed in exasperation, closed his eyes briefly, and spoke, forcing an uncharacteristic patience into his tone.
"Which situation are you referring to, Daniel?"
"The one you and Sam have been ignoring for the past three years. Or rather, trying to ignore. Look," he continued quickly, unfazed by the carefully blank expression on his friend's face. "I know the regulations as well as anyone, Jack. And I don't have a solution for you. I'm just saying..." He sighed. "Talk to her. I know you both as well as I know anyone, and I know that whatever else you may be, you're friends, first and foremost." Jack leaned forward on his desk, his brown eyes intense and dangerous, his voice a sibilant whisper.
"Daniel. Butt out. It's not your concern." The young man's brows drew down in anger, and he approached the desk.
"Not my concern? Bullshit! Sam's my concern. She's my friend and I don't like to see her hurting. I thought she was your friend, too, but you don't seem to care about that." Jack's hands came down hard on the desk as he stood, glowering at his friend.
"What, or who I care about is my business, Daniel." He barked. The archaeologist refused to back down.
"Not when it affects someone I love! Damn it, Jack, I know you! I knew you seven years ago when all you wanted was an excuse to commit suicide. I watched this program breath life back into you when all you were was an empty shell. And I saw the effect she had on you, too. Do you think no one knows? Do you think we can't see it? Hell, most of us knew before you did! And despite the rules, and the regulations, and that damned soldier pride crap, we all know it's good, and it's right, and you're a fool if you let it go!" He stopped to catch his breath, his eyes fixed pleadingly on his friend.
Jack stared at him over the desk, stunned by the sudden tirade. After a silent moment, he closed his eyes in resignation, and sank back down into his chair. God he was tired. Tired of the whole damned thing. Tired of the effort. Tired of the guilt. To accept the possibility that he could be given a second chance, when so many others never even got one. Tired of the fear. The chest-tightening, gut-wrenching terror he felt whenever he thought of losing someone else he loved. He propped an elbow on the desk and laid his head in his hand, rubbing his forehead in exhaustion.
"What do you expect me to do, Daniel?" His voice was soft, almost plaintive. Daniel felt his anger drain away at the unexpected display of emotion, and moved slowly to one of the chairs in front of the desk. "It's not an option for us." Daniel's voice was quiet as he leaned close to his friend.
"So this is the option you choose? Ignoring your feelings while the best thing in your life slips through your fingers? I'm sorry, Jack. I don't know how to fix it. I just know that what your doing now is just making it worse. Can you be with someone else? Can she?" Silence from the other side of the desk. "How long do you think you can keep this up before you start to resent each other? Hate each other?" He paused, watching the painful emotions that crossed his friend's face. Sighing, he stood and moved to the door, stopping with his hand on the knob and speaking over his shoulder.
"She's at home, by the way. Janet made it an order. Just so you know." He trailed off softly, and was gone.
*****
Miles away, Sam lay curled on her sofa, impatiently flipping from channel to channel, trying in vain to find something that was neither offensive nor inane. Finally, she gave up and settled on the Weather Channel, dropping the remote on the coffee table and burrowing further into the warm quilt.
She had to figure it out. It was time to make a decision, once and for all. She couldn't survive in this hellish limbo any longer. It wasn't fair, to her or to him. If they ever had any hope of finding happiness with anyone, they had to sever this connection. Her analytical mind told her to just do it. Just move on. But her all-too human emotions simply wouldn't be convinced. She was in love with him, she admitted. She was sure of it. And how could she accept the fact that one of the only things that she'd ever been sure of was wrong?
She was still searching for an answer when she heard the knock on her door. Sighing, she climbed from beneath the quilt and padded to the door in her bare feet. She opened the door and stepped back in silent shock as Jack looked up from his scrutiny of her doormat and right into her eyes. He saw those eyes widen in surprise as she stepped back.
"Hey, Carter." He greeted her softly, and her stunned mind barely registered the tender tone in his voice. He craned his neck and looked over her shoulder. "Can I come in?" She stepped further back into the foyer, allowing him to enter. They stood silently for a moment, until Sam shook herself out of her surprise and gestured toward the living room. Jack preceded her silently, still trying to figure out what to say.
She seated herself on the sofa, pulled the quilt over her lap, and watched him silently. Jack removed his jacket and draped it over the chair, then took a seat a few feet from her on the sofa, leaning forward and bracing his elbows on his knees. He studied his folded hands for several silent moments, until she spoke.
"Colonel." He looked up at her out of the corner of his eye; her unease was palpable as she struggled for words. She took a deep breath and let it out sharply, then tossed the quilt aside and stood, taking several steps towards the fireplace. Gathering herself, she turned. "Okay. I can do this." His serious expression had become touched with amusement as he'd watched her, and the slightest smile barely touched the corners of his mouth as she straightened her shoulders and continued.
"Here's the thing. I can't do this anymore." She paused, her eyes fixed on his. The burgeoning smile faded from his lips at the strained sound of her voice. She moved forward and reseated herself next to him on the sofa, her eyes searching his impassive features. "This...thing...we have between us is there, and it's real, and it's not going to go away." She stared at him intently for a moment, then dropped her eyes and turned her head away from him, closing her eyes briefly.
"I've spent the last three years telling myself that it was enough, that...hope...was enough." She turned back to him, and he was stricken by the look in her eyes. "But now I realize that I've just been running away from the reality that's been right in front of me all along. Wishing, and waiting, and telling myself, tomorrow. Every day, tomorrow. For three years, tomorrow."
She stood again, restless and needing to get some distance from him, and moved around to the back of the sofa, standing with her arms wrapped protectively around herself, and her voice softened. "But there's not going to be a tomorrow, is there? Not for us."
He sat in silence, staring ahead, hearing in her tone what the realization had cost her. The pain in her voice cut right through him, and mirrored the ache in his chest as he realized what she was saying. I can't do this anymore.
Every fiber in his being rebelled at the implications of that simple statement, and he suddenly knew. Finally, certainly, fiercely, knew. He stood, moved around the sofa to face her, and reached out, taking her face in his hands.
"Let me tell you something, Carter." His voice was low, and thrummed with conviction. "I don't give a shit about tomorrow. The only thing that matters to me is today. And today, the only thing that matters to me is you." She stared at him in shock, stunned to hear him speak so openly, so bluntly. A grim smile passed over his lips at her reaction, and he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly.
After a moment, he felt her arms slip around his waist as she laid her head against his chest, and he stroked her hair. She could hear the strong, steady beat of his heart beneath her cheek, and suddenly couldn't stop the tears from falling. He felt her body tremble, and closed his eyes, laying his cheek against her hair and vowing that these tears would be the last.
After several long, silent moments, she sniffled and pulled away slightly, raising her face to him. His eyes were warm in the fading light from outside as he raised a hand and brushed the last teardrop from her cheek. She smiled, and he bent his head and kissed her gently, her lips warm and familiar.
She pulled her arms from around his waist and slid them up his chest and around his neck, pulling him down to her as the kiss deepened and she lost herself in the clarity of the moment. Her body molded itself to him like the missing piece of a puzzle, and his arms tightened around her. Finally, she pulled away slightly, her arms still around his neck, and searched his eyes.
"So, what do we do now?" He smiled down at her, his eyes warm with affection.
"Well," he replied, his arms tightening around her. "I guess we'll figure that out tomorrow."
*****
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