A Light in the Darkness
by AC
Title: A Light in the Darkness
Author: AC
Email: acheek@home.com
Status: Complete
Category: romance, missing scene/epilogue
Rating: MA (non-explicit sexual situations)
Archive: SJA, Heliopolis
Season/Sequel info: Fourth season
Spoilers: The Light, Divide and Conquer
Content warnings: sexual situations
Summary: After "The Light," Teal'c went home, but the rest of SG-1 was stuck in the Goa'uld palace for a few more weeks. What happened during that time?
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for
entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the
author.
Author's Notes: Thanks go to Ann and Sam for their work as beta readers, and to Jacquie for some preliminary feedback. Further credit goes to Beth, for allowing me to use one of her best one-liners. I love feedback, especially honest opinions, so please send some! Dedicated to LQ. Welcome to the funny farm, I can't wait to meet you. Copyright A. Cheek, April 2001.
And even as I wander
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
on a cold dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for...
--REO Speedwagon
* * * *
Creeping along the hallway, Jack silently thanked Teal'c for including some comfortable civilian clothes when the SGC had sent them supplies for the three weeks they were stranded in this palace. If he'd been wearing his boots, there was no way he'd have eluded detection for so long.
Grinning, he had to admit these games of hide and seek that Loran loved so much were a lot of fun. They'd explored more of the palace than he'd have thought possible -- found the bathing facilities, the kitchens where stasis containers kept food fresh that must have been in storage for centuries, and all the interesting areas that SG teams would want to examine and analyze before most of the technology was stripped away and taken back to Earth for study and possible adaptations.
But first, he thought to himself, we have to get that addiction machine turned off, and that's going to take another two weeks or so.
Then, his ears perked up again, his attention caught by the sound of stealthy footsteps along the corridor. Ducking into an alcove, he pressed himself into a crevice between two columns, and hoped that either Sam or Loran would pass by, not knowing he was here.
He must have been lucky that day, for the footsteps went by him, and faded into the distance. Slumping against the wall in relief, he gasped when a portion of the wall swung open, revealing compartments he hadn't known were there. Stepping back, he looked where he'd been standing. The columns and walls were all decorated with the strange script Daniel was learning to translate, but if he looked closely, there was a section close to the floor that looked slightly different. He pressed against the inscription once more, and the door swung shut. Then, curious, he opened it again and snuck inside.
His gaze went everywhere at once, as he stared at his opulent surroundings. Who knew what Goa'uld had occupied these chambers so long ago? Daniel or Teal'c would probably know, but they'd assured everyone that the palace was indeed deserted. It was supposedly the secret retreat of a system lord who had died at the hands of the Tok'ra centuries before. He'd have to tell Daniel about this place, but for now he merely looked around, admiring the graceful draping of fabric along the walls, the soft bed and chairs, and the surprising lack of gold hieroglyphs. The rooms still looked like an overblown Las Vegas nightmare, but for a Goa'uld, it showed taste.
Moving further into the room, he heard the sound of water. Past the far corner, a second chamber was evidently for bathing, with a series of pools. Water bubbled softly in all of them, and steam rose from a few. Dabbling his fingers under the surface of the water, he found that one pool was quite hot, one a tepid body temperature, and one pleasantly cool.
After a few more minutes of looking around, he realized his opponents were still searching for him. Perversely, he felt the desire to keep the existence of this room secret for a while longer. Later tonight, he'd come back and explore it fully, then show everyone else in the morning. Sneaking back the way he came, he closed the door to the secret room, and snuck back down the hall in the direction he'd originally taken. Then, at the end of the corridor, he turned left, taking a new path. Hearing more sounds, he froze momentarily, then relaxed upon realizing it was Daniel, working on another section of transcript. He grinned at his friend, holding a finger up to his mouth to indicate silence.
Daniel just smiled in return, then loudly said, "Loran! Sam! He's over here!" At the look of incredulous surprise on Jack's face, he burst out laughing. Jack took off running again as Sam and Loran sprinted down the hall towards him. With a rush of speed he didn't know he possessed, he fairly flew down the corridor towards the designated 'safe zone.' Dodging around a few of their scattered supplies, he triumphantly touched the column just as Sam came within reach. Loran was further down the hall, his normally impressive speed hindered by his laughter.
"And I win!" Jack crowed triumphantly. "Yes! Age and cunning outwit youth and speed again!"
Gratefully sitting down on the floor, Sam struggled to catch her breath, smiling as Loran staggered towards them. "Congratulations, sir," she gasped. "Good game."
Loran walked towards one of the coolers, opening the lid. "The winner was to get the last serving of ice cream," he said, smiling self-depracatingly. "Do you want it now, Jack?"
Jack bent forwards, stretching his arms behind his back. "What flavor is it?"
Loran peered at the container, then held it towards Sam. "I can't read your language yet. What does it say?"
"Raspberry," she explained, handing the container towards her commanding officer.
He waived her off. "Nah, I'm not too big on that flavor. Tell you what, Loran, why don't we save it until dinner and you and Sam and Daniel can share it, okay?" As Sam put the ice cream back into the cooler, he walked over to his work area. "For now, I'd better get back to work on these reports. I still can't believe that General Hammond sent us paperwork along with our supplies," he groused, picking up a sheaf of memos.
Sam just shrugged and did the same. "Well, at least it's only stuff that was piling up in our in-boxes," she said, consoling herself as much as him. "Another four or five days of putting in a half-day's work and we'll have finished all of it." Settling herself against a cushion, she looked up at Loran. "We'll be at this for a few hours. Did you want to look at those language books again?"
Loran shook his head, and turned to leave. "I'll study them more in a while. I'll go help Daniel -- he said I could work with him if I wanted to." With a wave and a smile, he left them to their work.
* * * *
Daniel strolled back into the common area, smiling, as Jack looked up from his book. "Loran's asleep."
"Good," Jack said softly. "Does it seem like he's been sleeping a bit more than usual these past few days?"
The younger man nodded thoughtfully. "I've noticed a bit more fatigue myself. Dr. Fraiser said it could happen as a side effect of turning down the machine. If it gets to be a problem, we can always turn it down in smaller increments." He paused to do some mental calculations. "If that's the case, it could add another four or five days to our stay here, but that's about it." He rose and gathered together his scattered notes and reference materials. "Where'd Sam go?"
Jack thumbed through his paperback listlessly, then set it aside. "Off to her suite," he told Daniel. "She said something about a mindless novel she wanted to read. Of course, for Carter, that probably means it only deals with easy science rather than all the convoluted stuff she loves so much."
Daniel responded with a quick chuckle, then grew solemn once more. "Loran was asking me what was going to happen to him once we went home. He asked if he could join our family."
Jack winced, feeling a pang of sympathy for the boy. "Ouch. What'd you tell him?"
Daniel stared down at his hands, then shook his head. "That we didn't explore with our families, just our friends and colleagues. Also that he was too young to join us, because it wasn't safe for him to come with us." He sighed, then ran a hand through his hair in weariness. "I know we'll find a home for him eventually, it's just... damn."
Looking more closely at his friend, Jack ventured a guess. "Brings back bad memories for you, huh?"
Daniel laughed bitterly. "Yeah. Guess so. But I'm relatively certain we'll be able to find his home world. Loran may not know how to work the Stargate, but he does recognize some of the glyphs. And he's comfortable with a much higher level of technology than we're used to. I'm hoping either the Tollan or the Orbanians might be able to help us locate his people. But for now, his future's still very uncertain, and I don't want to tell him everything's going to be all right, only for him to feel betrayed later on if there are some roadblocks."
Jack just sat in silence, listening, and remembering how Daniel, under the influence of a few too many glasses of wine, had once told him about his childhood, growing up in a variety of foster homes, always being assured that he'd be adopted soon, only to be disappointed again and again. He'd adapted, and in his teenage years, been lucky enough to have some foster parents who'd been as close to a real family as he could have. Daniel had overcome the loss of his parents, and managed to survive a system that shuffled him around more like a piece of paper than a human being.
Even if they couldn't find Loran's home, he'd likely be luckier than that. The need for secrecy about the SGC mandated that any refugees remained with their initial foster families for as long as necessary. There were fewer sudden upheavals, and they'd met enough allies during their explorations that there was never a shortage of places which would welcome an orphaned teenage boy. Some, like Cassandra, stayed on Earth, and were adopted. But so far as they knew, Loran's home world hadn't been destroyed, and he'd be better off on a planet other than Earth, although there had been a few times when Jack had momentarily entertained the idea of being a father once more.
He always ruthlessly squashed those thoughts. Children, a wife, a stable home -- those things were for other people, never for him. He sighed as he thought of a smiling woman, blond hair gleaming in the sunlight, turning towards him with love in her eyes... no. His life was that of exploring, of defending Earth, and fighting when he was told to. What was the use in wishing for things he could never again have?
* * * *
Comfortably propped up on her elbows, Sam sat up at the sounds of soft footsteps in the corridor. Quickly marking her place in her book, she slid out of bed, and moved to the doorway of her room. "Who's there?" she asked, taking care not to be too loud, but wondering which one of her teammates would be walking around at 2230 hours.
The footsteps stopped, then an equally low-pitched voice replied, "It's just me, Carter."
She slid her feet into her slippers against the chill of the marble floors, then moved out into the hallway. "Colonel. Is anything wrong?"
He shrugged carelessly. "No, not really. I just can't get to sleep yet -- I guess falling asleep on top of my paperwork this afternoon threw me off. I thought I'd do some exploring."
She grinned at the reminder. She'd been engrossed in getting as many reports done as possible earlier that day, when a faint buzzing sound caught her attention. Looking up from her laptop, she'd had a hard time restraining her laughter at the sight of Colonel O'Neill sound asleep, face pressed against a legal notepad as though it were a pillow, and snoring softly. Doing her best to keep a straight face, she nodded politely. "Certainly, sir. I can't really settle in yet myself, so I'm just doing some reading."
He nodded in return, then a thoughtful look came over his face. "Actually, Carter... I found something interesting earlier today when we were playing with Loran." At her curious gaze, he continued. "Um, it's a hidden set of rooms. I was going to go explore it a bit more."
She chuckled softly. "Secret passageways, sir?"
"Well, not really," he explained. "I couldn't really tell that it led anywhere else, it was just hidden. But it was cool. I was going to show everyone else in the morning."
"After you'd had a chance to thoroughly explore it yourself, sir?"
"Something like that, yeah." He paused for a moment's thought, then looked her straight in the eyes. "You wanna come along and check it out?"
She gave the idea a moment's consideration, looking down at her outfit of fuzzy flannel pajamas. The palace was still at a pleasant temperature, so she didn't think she'd need to change into anything warmer. For a moment, she rebelled at the suggestion, unwilling to be alone with him -- how long had it been since it had been just the two of them? She'd been so caught up recently with always maintaining control of her feelings that she hadn't let herself simply enjoy his company. Yet another casualty of that damned zatarc mess, she told herself. We used to be able to actually talk to each other without me freezing up. Finally, she decided the hell with good sense. A secret room sounded interesting. "Sure, sir. Think I should change my shoes?"
He looked down at her scuffed suede slippers and shook his head. "Nah, you'll be fine. It isn't far."
* * * *
Sam leaned down and peered at the small lever in the base of the wall. "I think this has to be it, sir. Are you ready to give it a try?"
"Sure, Carter. Just give me a second. If the lever doesn't work, knock on the wall three times, okay?" Jack walked out of the chamber and waited as Sam closed the section of wall which kept it hidden. Within moments, the wall moved open again, and he grinned, going back inside. "All right! I knew there had to be some way of opening it from the inside, but I didn't want to risk getting stuck here before we learned how to get out."
Sam shuddered. "No. It's bad enough that we're stranded here for another few weeks, but being really stuck would be very bad."
Jack looked around the room thoughtfully. "I don't know, Carter. I mean, I'm not thrilled about being addicted to this place, and all of SG-5 died as a result of their exposure here..." He cracked his knuckles and shook his head. "But what we'll be able to bring back to Earth has got to be the biggest treasure trove of technology we'll ever get our hands on at once."
"It could do a lot in terms of shutting up all the people who insist the program costs too much without any real returns," she agreed. "We haven't found anything to be used as a weapon yet, but some of the environmental controls alone could revolutionize our technology." She warmed to the subject with enthusiasm. "I mean, this is a palace by an ocean, sir, and everything in it should have crumbled away long ago. And yet all the materials are still perfectly preserved. There isn't even any dust. When we went outside that one time, I didn't even see any signs of erosion on the outer walls. And that's not even counting the energy it takes to keep all of these systems running, centuries after this palace was abandoned."
"Wind and solar powered?" Jack guessed.
"It's possible," she said, working the problem over in her mind. "We haven't found anything that looks like a generator, but we haven't been back outside yet, either. It could be somewhere in the rooftops," she shrugged, frowning. "We'll probably be able to go outside again in about a week without any ill effects, sir. I can look it over a bit more then. But I suspect the biggest discoveries are going to be made after we leave and the engineering teams come in."
"Yeah." Jack flopped down on one of the soft divans, still thinking, as Sam did the same opposite him. A huge palace, full of all sorts of technological toys. They'd get some pats on the back for this mission, without a doubt. But was it worth it? Remembering the blank despair on Barber's face before he killed himself, and Daniel's suicidal behavior, Jack had to wonder. They'd found something that would be very useful, but the cost had been incredibly high, and not only for the SGC. Loran had buried his feelings into denial, insisting that his parents were still alive. What kind of parents would bring their child along on such dangerous travels, anyway? They had paid with their lives, and as a result Loran had endured at least four or five years of absolute isolation. "Lots of wonderful new gadgets for the R & D folks to play with, pats on the back all around, and all the higher-ups except Hammond will conveniently forget how at least six people died for their new discovery."
Sam sighed, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "It's always a calculated risk, sir. We all volunteered."
"Loran didn't," he retorted, then shrugged apologetically. "I know. Most of us know what we're getting into. But this program's been in place for four years now, and we keep losing people to the stupidest things. I mean, a Jaffa raiding party's one thing. But a machine that alters your body chemistry? Gating to a planet and being killed by a black hole? There's no sense to it, no reason, and I just..."
Sam stretched out on the cushions and gave him a look of frustrated commiseration. "People die senseless deaths all the time, sir, even without ever going through the Stargate." Wincing at her choice of words and their possible connotations, she continued quickly. "I love what we do -- the exploration, finding new knowledge--"
"Getting captured and shot at all the time?" Jack interjected.
"Well, not necessarily," she admitted, "but that's just another part of why I want to do this job, sir. What we're doing is important. The Goa'uld are out there, and we need to keep Earth as safe as possible."
"I know. I just keep wondering how much longer we'll have our luck."
"Sir?"
"Of all the SG teams, SG-1 and SG-17 are the only ones who've never lost a member of the unit. And SG-17 was only commissioned a year ago. So many people keep dying, Carter, and it doesn't seem like there's anything we can do about it. I just keep wondering, every time we go through the gate, is this going to be the time?" He grabbed a pillow, absently twisting its fabric in his hands. "It almost was for Daniel, this time. How much longer can we keep cheating fate?"
Sitting up, Sam wrapped her arms around her knees, and narrowed her eyes. "Is that what you think, Colonel, that we're fated to die?"
"Yeah, sometimes."
"Nothing we can do about it?"
"Probably not." Answering her listlessly, he was unprepared for the ensuing explosion.
"Bullshit, sir!" Her eyes blazed with fury. "If you carry that sort of attitude into the field, you probably will get yourself killed!"
"Listen, Carter--"
"No, sir! You can't think that way, or we are doomed, after all!" Frustration choked her, and she glared at him, speechless with rage.
"Oh sure, Major, permission to speak freely granted," he said sarcastically, waving his hand at her. "What I am doing is facing reality! So many other good men and women have died, and why should we think we'll be any different? We'll just go on, doing our jobs, putting everything we want for ourselves on hold, and then one day one or all of us will die."
Turning her face away from him, Sam fought back her growing anger, and the distressing prickle of tears against her eyelids. Putting things on hold? It was time to draw this conversation to a close ASAP, before they started talking about things that should stay buried. She should have known it was too good to be true, the easy camaraderie of earlier. As always, what must remain unsaid lurked in the background, just waiting to trip them up.
"Carter? Sam, look at me," he requested softly, relaxing a bit when she met his gaze once more. "You know what I'm talking about."
She bolted to her feet and started searching for her slippers. "We can't discuss it, sir. You know that."
"No." The gentle tone in his voice kept her riveted, unable to move. "I don't know that.
I keep thinking things will get better, that there will be a time when one of us can walk away. But right now, I can't see that happening. It's much more likely that one or both of us will die before the war's over. And knowing that, I have a hard time convincing myself of why I should wait to tell you how I feel about you."
"Because we swore oaths, sir," she said miserably. "We made a promise."
"And because of that promise, we're still probably going to die, but we'll just be incredibly bitter and frustrated until it happens?" He stared at her intently, daring her to challenge him.
She looked at him more closely. "You're not getting suicidal again, are you? Could these rooms have some shielding against the addiction?"
He shook his head. "I don't think so. And it isn't that I want to die. I don't. I just don't see being able to beat the odds forever. And if that's the case?"
She sighed and sat back down, knowing that however bad an idea this conversation was, there was no escaping it now. "What do you want, sir?"
He shrugged and leaned back against some cushions. "Lots of things. I want Teal'c to know that his people are free. I want Daniel to be able to have a relationship with a woman and have her not get a snake in the head or turn into a homicidal maniac. I want Earth to be free of the Goa'uld threat. But I also want more children. I want a family. I want to be able to do things that normal people do..."
"You'd go crazy with boredom inside a week," she chided him.
"I don't think so. Because if we're talking about what I want, most of all I'd want you there with me." He smiled, seeing blood rise in her cheeks again, and wished she'd let him reach out and touch her. "I don't think I could ever get bored with that. But that isn't something we're going to get, Carter. We could both die, or one of us, or by the time the threat is diminished enough for us to walk away, I'll be so worn out that I won't be fit for you."
Her eyes were luminous with unshed tears. "I think that would be my decision to make, sir. But we're talking about breaking the regulations on fraternization. I'm just not sure we have the right to do that, no matter how much we want to."
"You do want to?" He leaned forward in surprise, his heart pounding.
"Do you really think I'm made of stone?" she accused him. "I do have feelings on the matter that directly contradict what my mind tells me is the right thing to do."
"So what else is stopping you?"
She thumped her heals against the cushions, reluctant to speak. Finally, she quietly admitted, "It's just... I'm afraid, ok? It feels like if I say I'm all right with this, it does mean that we're probably going to die. I don't want to admit that. I can't bear the thought of it happening to you and Daniel and Teal'c. It's like if we give in to this feeling between us, we're dooming ourselves in a way." Frowning, she wiped her eyes angrily. "And if I do this, will I even still be the same person you care for? Someone with so little integrity?"
Jack didn't reply, and she rested her head back upon her arms, wishing things were different, and thinking frantically about what options were open to them. What if she refused what he was hinting at? Could they keep caring for each other, telling themselves that their love was pure, unsullied by broken vows? Was the lack of guilt any consolation for the emptiness she'd feel if he were gone? Unwillingly, she remembered the warm, limp weight of Martouf's body in her arms. Freya had said his death was a noble sacrifice. But it didn't change the fact of his death -- that she'd killed him. It didn't make her feel any more resigned to what had happened, and it was no comfort at all on the nights she woke up trembling from her nightmares. What consolation would her love for Jack be, if he died before they could ever be together?
Finally, after long thought, Jack spoke up again. "I don't really see it like that. How I do see it is, if we survive, that's wonderful, and I'll deal with any fallout from this and count myself lucky. But if our luck does run out, at least I'll know that I was able to actually show you what I feel, and that won't be a constant regret." Looking at her downcast face, he felt a momentary pang of guilt for bringing up the topic, when it was clear that it made her uncomfortable. At the same time, wasn't it better to finally talk about it? At worst, she'd tell him to deep-six all of his feelings. But on the other hand, the thought of something positive happening was too strong to resist. He'd been so lonely, and he wanted to be with her, even if it was wrong.
Finally, she lifted her head up, wiping her eyes wearily. This was such a bad idea, but she couldn't stop the words before they left her mouth. "You know, you've never actually told me exactly what you feel."
He shrugged, aiming for nonchalance. "I've been trying to leave myself some room to save face in case you told me to shut up and not mention it again. I'm not an absolute glutton for punishment, Carter."
The hell with it, she thought. We might as well get it out into the open. "Tell me. I need to hear you say it."
His dark eyes filled with tenderness, hope, and a desperate vulnerability. "I love you. It's as simple as that."
She ignored the tears on her cheeks. As soon as she wiped them away, more showed up. Softly, she responded, "It's a shame the situation isn't so simple."
"But it doesn't have to be as complicated as we've made it, either," he argued. "Look, I know what I'm suggesting here goes against the oaths we swore. Technically, it's wrong. And if we get caught, we won't have any defense to offer. But I still want to do it, Sam. Does that make me a horrible person?"
Once again, her thoughts raced furiously. She'd always prided herself on being a perfectionist, on maintaining the image of the perfect officer. The possibility of giving in to her feelings was a staggering blow to her self-image. But was it finally time to stop pretending she could be perfect and just be human instead? The knowledge of their potential fate was agonizing, but also a relief, as though by acknowledging the possibility of death, it meant they could at last go on with the business of living. Standing to walk towards him, the sudden ache in her heart told her all she needed to know. If she had to give her life in service of her country, she was going to take what she could have in the meantime. Yes, she'd feel guilt, but not enough to turn away from what he was offering her. "I could never think that about you. Probably because I'd feel the same way about myself."
He rose from his seat, but didn't approach her. His posture radiated wariness and anticipation. "Does that mean what I think it means?"
God, she hated crying, but she couldn't seem to stop. "I love you, too, Jack." Finally coming within reach, she raised a hand to gently caress his cheek, feeling as though her heart would beat itself right out of her chest. Slowly, his arms wrapped around her, drawing her closer. Still, he held back, looking at her upturned face as though he were caught in a dream, afraid to move for fear he'd awaken and find himself alone once more. "Will you just hurry up and kiss me already?" she asked in exasperation.
Raising an eyebrow, his mouth quirked into a smile. "Yes, ma'am," he murmured, before complying with more than enough enthusiasm to suit them both.
* * * *
Lying back on the enormous bed, Jack was torn between disbelief that she was finally with him, and the fact that he didn't know where to look or touch first.
If at the beginning, when their hands and lips moved across each other's bodies, the caresses were more to provide comfort against the grief in their actions instead of evoking passion, neither one could hold it against the other. They both recognized the significance of this act, and chose instead to be grateful that at least they were not alone in their sorrow.
But, by the time he unbuttoned her pajama top and pushed it from her shoulders, revealing the delicate skin of her torso to his gaze, both of them felt the stirrings of insistent desire. And later, as he hovered over her soft tangle of curls, breathing in the scent of her arousal, all that remained in his heart was joy and love. Yes, the consequences of this could be a bitch. But given the risks under which they operated, it wasn't likely that they'd live to face punishment if they were discovered. He knew his logic would never stand up against military ideals, but taking action seemed to be the only right thing to do, even though it went against the rules they'd lived by for so long.
Through no fault of their own, they were slipping down into darkness, Jack mused, drinking in the sounds Sam made as he explored her body reverently. But at least she'd be the light that guided his way, always with him, even to the gates of death.
When he paused above her, the sensations of his entry stealing their breath, he gently brushed away tears that were streaming down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," he whispered, knowing words were so terribly inadequate for what he was feeling just then. "I don't ever want to hurt you."
Sam shook her head quickly, and the love in her expression was so bright he almost had to look away. "You haven't," she assured him, wrapping her arms around his lower back, and twining her legs around his. "I'm so happy..." Drawing his lips down to hers, she urged him into movement, into the instinctive dance that completed their commitment to one another.
As he neared his breaking point, he stilled, waiting for them to calm down momentarily. Sam slowly moved beneath him, only stopping when she saw the serious look in his eyes. "What is it?" she asked softly, the smooth skin of her brow wrinkling in concern.
He'd never been so nervous in his life. "Marry me," he said softly, hoping his voice wouldn't break.
She looked down for a moment, then met his gaze resolutely. "How?" she asked.
The resignation in her voice almost undid him. God, she deserved so much, and this was all he'd be able to give her. "Sam, I know it can't be legal. I don't care. I--" he shook his head, then kissed her tenderly. "I love you. Say you're my wife," he pleaded, wrapping his arms around her.
She closed her eyes in pain, knowing what this was going to cost them both, but unable to deny him. This had been inevitable since the moment she'd refused to walk away, to abruptly end their conversation before it grew so dangerous. "I love you," she smiled at him, briefly wishing in her heart they could stay in this hidden place forever, where the real world couldn't touch them. She knew it would never happen. "Yes."
Covering her lips with his own, Jack moved forcefully within her again, as they quickly regained their momentum. Not knowing how much sound would be audible outside the chamber, they both kept their voices low. As they steadily led each other to climax, Sam muffled her cries against Jack's shoulder, her body trembling underneath his. Beginning the slow descent from ecstasy, she smiled in satisfaction as she drew the same response from Jack, memorizing each line of his face while he tensed above her, then collapsed into her arms.
Sam grabbed a corner of the rumpled blankets and drew it up over them, sighing with contentment. Had she ever felt so close to someone, so completely loved? Listening as their breathing slowly evened out from harsh gasps and sighs, and comfortably cocooned in the warmth of his arms, she decided that she couldn't have asked for a better wedding night.
* * * *
Jack smiled lazily as he felt Sam stirring against his side, mentally replaying the events of the last few hours. In particular, he'd especially enjoyed how she'd taken control last time, pinning him beneath her, and frantically insisting that she couldn't hold back any longer, that he had to come NOW. It was a new way of seeing her, a startling change from Major Carter, the steadfast second in command who was usually so dependable and serene. And then there was the emotion welling up throughout him. What was it, this feeling that put a smile on his face as though it were permanently tatooed there?
Happiness? he wondered. It had been so long since he'd felt this wonderful, but that must be what it was.
Sam rolled over, draping her arm around his waist and rubbing her fingers along his ribs, grinning as he squirmed and complained that she was tickling him. Finally, she rested her head against his shoulder, silent and thoughtful.
"What?" Jack asked, turning onto his side to look at her directly, and dropping a quick kiss onto her nose.
She shrugged pensively. "I've just been thinking. Do you think we should tell Daniel and Teal'c?"
He pondered the thought momentarily. The team was close, and it was likely they'd learn what was going on eventually. At the same time, he didn't think either man would ever betray them. But was it really fair to drop the news on them and expect them to lie if asked about it? "We could wait until they found out. And this isn't something we can pursue off world or on base anyway."
Her smile was brittle. "Hate to break it to you, but we're off world, Jack."
"Well, this is a vacation," he rationalized. "It's not a normal mission, so it doesn't count that way."
She sighed despondently. "I just hate the thought of either of them feeling like we've let them down."
Jack gently traced the curve of her jaw. "Teal'c already knows we love each other. He was there for the zatarc testing, remember? If he'd had a problem with it, he'd have let us know by now. He's not the most talkative guy there is, but if it were bothering him, he'd tell us."
"And Daniel?" she countered.
"Ah..." Jack paused, thinking. "I really don't know. He and I haven't always been on the best terms lately."
"You don't think he's picked up on this, have you?" she asked worriedly. "That he's mad at us?"
Trying to guess Daniel's motivations could be hard work, because every time Jack thought he had his friend figured out, Daniel did the exact opposite of what he'd expect. Still... "I can't see Daniel being jealous over something like that. Trust me, Sam. You could have hooked up with every officer on base, and been having wild orgies in the gateroom, and Daniel and I would still be feeling tense around each other these days."
"It's gotten a bit bad lately," she said with gentle reproach. "I wish the two of you could work out whatever the problem is." Twenty-four hours ago, she couldn't imagine giving him advice on one of his strongest friendships, but they'd agreed that they were married. Didn't that bring a perogative to interfere when necessary? Not that she'd always been comfortable with Daniel lately, either. Their love of knowledge was a link between them, but he seemed to be growing more impatient with the military mind set, and annoyed with her when her opinions didn't mesh with his, as though he expected her to always see eye to eye with him.
"Personally, I think it's the pressure of the war escalating," Jack said thoughtfully. Lately, it seemed like they ran into the Goa'uld fully one third of their missions. "And we're all changing. He's not quite the same person I met five years ago, and I can't expect being his friend to always be easy. But that doesn't mean I don't love him just like a brother."
"Maybe that's it," Sam interjected. "After a while, he's bound to get tired of being seen as the kid."
"That's possible. But I know we'll work things out somehow," Jack assured her, trying to put his friends out of mind. Not that they weren't worth thinking about, but when he had Sam in his arms, surely there were more important things needing his attention. "I love you," he whispered again, his fingers playing through her golden hair gently. "I can't promise you or give you anything else, Sam, but you've got me for as long as you can stand me."
"You're not just saying that because I gave into you so easily?" Her tone was light, but apprehension lurked in the blue depths of her eyes.
He snickered and kissed her enthusiastically. "Easy? You've never been easy, Sam. If we were the type to give into our feelings without thought, we'd have been breaking headboards at the Holiday Inn months ago. I think we've shown considerable restraint."
She hugged him tightly, then nodded against his chest. "Good point," she agreed. "I wanted to tell you something else." At his inquiring expression, she continued. "I'm glad you haven't tried to give me any extra protection. It means a lot to me." Casually running her fingers through the scattered hairs on his chest, she then warned, "And don't expect me to start agreeing with you all the time!"
He just smiled, burying his face against her hair. Ordinary husbands showed their devotion by doing their utmost to protect their families, to doing anything necessary to keep them from danger. That hadn't worked with his first marriage, and it wouldn't work with Sam, either. From her point of view, the best way for him to prove his regard was to send her into dangerous situations, knowing that she was just as capable and prepared as anyone else under his command. To have and to hold, he thought bitterly, the half-remembered words of the wedding service echoing in his head. And the only way I can hold onto her is by never giving her any special treatment or protection. But given the alternative, of seeing reproach is her eyes, or worse yet, losing her altogether, he concluded that their current arrangement was the best they could hope for under the circumstances. And all things considered, he was far happier than he'd ever thought he'd be again.
* * * *
"Mmmmm," Sam sighed langourously, and tilted her head forward as Jack scrubbed her back. The hot water pool really was the height of decadence. Shame I can't fit one of these into my apartment, she mused, but this tub is bigger than my entire bathroom.
She'd already decided that a quick dip in the cold pool would help wake her up enough to actually face the day. She and Jack had only slept for a few hours in between talking and making love. Her limbs were pleasantly sore, and she smiled again as she luxuriated in the hot water. Jack had been so pleased earlier when they'd performed what he'd called a "hat trick." Further inquiry revealed it to be a hockey term for scoring three times during a game. You can take the hockey fanatic off the planet, but you can't... ah, that phrase just doesn't adapt very well. Later today, she'd be falling asleep standing up, but it wasn't like she couldn't sneak off to her room for a nap.
Turning in Jack's arms, she grabbed the washcloth from him and began scrubbing his shoulders, unable to supress a grin at the blissful look on his face.
"I could always install a hot tub in my basement," he suggested, leaning forward to nibble on her neck. "The decor isn't as fancy as this, but I think it could be nice."
Sighing, she rested her forehead against his shoulder. "Mmm hmm," she murmured. "I think it's about time to get out, though. If I feel anymore relaxed, I'm going to fall asleep right here and drown." Looking to her right, she contemplated the other two bathing pools for a moment, then swam to the ledge. Standing up, she gritted her teeth, then plunged into the lukewarm water, having decided that she simply wasn't enough of a masochist this morning for the cold pool. Ducking under water for a moment, she emerged sputtering, gratefully reaching for the towel in Jack's hand.
Drying off and reaching for her discarded pajamas, she dressed quickly while Jack did the same, his hair still damp and sticking up in spikes. Reaching over, she smoothed them down, teasing him. "You'll want to use a comb -- if you let it dry like that you'll scare Loran."
He nodded. "Probably." Favoring her with a loving smile, he asked, "We're going to be okay, Sam, aren't we?"
"We are," she replied with confidence.
"I just don't want you to feel like I pushed you into something you weren't ready for," he explained. "We both know what will happen if we're found out."
Sam smiled at him. "Yes, we do. But this is a decision we both made. We're equally responsible. If I didn't want this, I'd have walked out last night." Moving into his arms, her expression grew fierce. "So don't try and take responsibility for my actions, okay?"
"Okay." His dark eyes twinkled down at her in agreement, as he drew her close for another kiss.
* * * *
After quick detours to their respective rooms to change into fresh clothing, they headed to the common area. Though it was still early, Daniel was already awake, blearily pouring himself some coffee from a thermos. Looking up at their approach, he smiled and nodded, then reached for a few more cups.
Sam went to one of the coolers and got out a carton of milk. "Daniel, you look like you've barely slept at all," she chided him softly. Like I'm one to talk.
The archaeologist shrugged. "Loran woke up a few times during the night with bad dreams," he explained. "He'll probably sleep another few hours, but I woke up and just couldn't go back to sleep. I might go for a nap later this afternoon," he added, grinning at Jack. "From what I heard yesterday, three o'clock is a good time to go face-down on a notepad."
Jack poured a quick splash of milk into his cup, then quickly stirred. Taking a sip, he sighed, then retorted, "Don't knock it Daniel, it was very refreshing."
"Not to mention funny to watch," Sam murmured into her coffee mug. When Jack looked at her suspiciously, she stared back blandly, the picture of perfect innocence.
Surreptitiously watching her as he drank his coffee and nibbled on a danish, Jack could see her slipping back into her familiar role of Major Carter. The woman who'd loved him so passionately was hidden now, with the facade of a detached professional covering up her feelings. But when her eyes met his, he saw a quick spark of acknowledgment, a promise that while they'd continue to hide when they must, her feelings were unchanged.
He'd been lucky that she hadn't blistered his ear earlier, when he'd tried to apologize for forcing the issue between them. She'd made her opinions quite clear on the matter, and he respected them. He was still frustrated that they had to keep their new relationship a secret, but compared with not having her at all, it was a small enough price to pay.
After seeing that Daniel appeared marginally more awake than before, Jack spoke up again. "Hey, Daniel, yesterday during our game with Loran, I found something I think you'll be interested in."
"Really?" Daniel replied, pouring himself a second mug of coffee. "What's that?"
"A hidden set of rooms," Jack said conspiratorially. "Wait'll you see them -- they're fantastic."
Daniel raised his eyebrows. "So you found one of them, did you? That must be in an area that I haven't explored yet."
"There's more than one?" Sam asked curiously, suppressing a smile at the crestfallen look on Jack's face.
"Oh, absolutely," Daniel said, waving his hand at them. "In the east wing alone, there's three. From the inscriptions, they seem to have been the private rooms of high-ranking goa'uld officials. It was a mark of distinction to have a compartment of your own. The rooms we're using were for guests, or servants."
Jack sighed ruefully. "I suppose that means you're in no hurry to see this one?"
The younger man shrugged. "Not really. Actually, it's kind of fun figuring out where they are from the translations, so if you don't mind, don't tell me where it is. That way, when I get to that section of the palace, I'll find it for myself."
Jack shrugged at his friend's eccentricities, then nodded. "Sure. Means I get to keep it to myself a few days longer," he said quietly, laughing at himself internally. I try and gauge his reaction, and once again, I'm completely off the mark.
Catching his gaze one last time before she turned her attention to a book, Sam smiled gently, doing her best to let him know things would be all right for as long as they could keep them that way. Outside circumstances were still beyond their control, but the light in her eyes was a beacon, a promise of an almost-perfect love in a deeply flawed universe. Jack basked in that glow for a moment, drawing what hope from it that he could, then turned back towards his own pile of paperwork, and began the business of his daytime life.
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